Please follow & like us
Blog
3/2/14
How to Spot — and Handle — a Sociopath
Ted Bundy. Jeffrey Dahlmer. Danny Rolling. Jim Jones. David Koresh. Charles Manson. Hannibal Lecter. Aileen Wuornos. Norman Bates. Names you probably think of — real and fiction — when you hear the word “sociopath”.
But did you know that we cross paths with sociopaths on a regular basis — and often don’t even know it?
All serial killers are sociopaths. But not all sociopaths are serial killers.
In fact, many researchers believe that 1 in 25 Americans fit the criteria for sociopathy. One in 25! Think of all the people you have met in your life. Average one in 25. That’s 4% of the population, or about 12 million Americans. Hard to believe, right?
Well, maybe not.
Sociopaths wreak havoc in people’s lives in quiet ways, too. In fact, that’s how most sociopaths work.
Have you ever known someone who left you feeling confused, devastated, or chilled – maybe all at once? Maybe it was a romantic partner you think back on and describe as evil. Maybe it was a boss whom you describe as psycho. Or that domineering neighbor.
The vast majority of sociopaths don’t kill. But they make people miserable. And they tend to get away with an awful lot.
Wouldn’t it be nice to recognize a sociopath before they do their damage?
And, once recognized, wouldn’t it be great to know how to deal with one?
Sociopathy is surprisingly difficult to see.
In her book The Sociopath Next Door, clinical psychologist and former Harvard faculty member Martha Stout, PhD, gives us a great roadmap for conceptualizing, understanding, and avoiding sociopaths.
First, shift your Hollywood version of the sociopath or psychopath (the terms are interchangeable) – a cold-blooded serial killer – to the actual definition of a sociopath.
Sociopathic characteristics include powerful charisma, charm, spontaneity, chronic manipulation, intensity, and risk taking.
Sociopaths are good at making you doubt yourself. Making you do things you wouldn’t normally do. Making you do things for them. Making you feel crazy.
Sociopaths like to win, they like to dominate.
But the defining characteristic of a sociopath is a person who has no conscience.
What does this mean? No empathy. An inability – not a choice, but an inability – to care or even think about the feelings of anyone else. An ability to move through life with complete disregard for their actions: no remorse, no capacity for shame, and no guilt.
Sociopaths can, because they are unhindered by guilt, manipulate their way to the top. It could be Wall Street. It could be the local school board. It could be the homeowner’s association. It could be government. It could be their relationship with you. It could be any role. Which top depends on the sociopath’s particular ambition, desire, talent and smarts.
And one of the most difficult things about dealing with a sociopath is when you see it….but others around you don’t.
Many sociopaths live their lives relatively undetected – except, perhaps, by those closest to them… and only then, sometimes, to those who have learned to identify a sociopath.
Sociopaths use many tools. They are described as charming, with an almost animal-like charisma. They have magnetism, an affinity for danger, spontaneity. They inspire a feeling of familiarity: “I just felt like I’d known her forever!” They establish intimacy quickly. They use “we” statements. They use seduction. They create distractions with social/professional roles: animal lover, humanitarian, benefactor. They engage in gaslighting – making you doubt your perceptions of reality.
Sociopaths are expert in identifying an easy mark – they can pick out the most trusting, decent person in the room. They use their victim’s goodness and capacity to trust against them. Crocodile tears are a favorite method. They are masterful at evoking pity and have incredible acting skills. In fact, sociopaths have an especially strong fondness for evoking pity.
Pity is carte blanche. Good people will let pathetic individuals get away with, sometimes literally, murder.
And when we pity, we are emotionally defenseless, emotionally vulnerable.
All sociopaths are violent – some emotionally, and some physically as well. For help in protecting yourself from violence in general – including sociopathic violence, I strongly recommend Gavin de Becker’s book, The Gift of Fear. This book discusses the predictability of violence – great for avoiding sociopaths. In particular, I like his Pre-Incident Indicators (PINs), which reads like a menu of sociopathic characteristics:
- Forced teaming. This is when a person implies he has something in common with you, claiming you have a shared predicament when that’s not really true.
- Speaking in “we” terms, i.e. “We don’t need to talk outside…Let’s go in.”
- Charm and Niceness. This is being polite and friendly to a chosen victim in order to manipulate him or her, or to disarm their mistrust.
- Too many details. If a person is lying they will add excessive details to make themselves sound more credible to their chosen victim.
- Typecasting. An insult is used to get a chosen victim who would otherwise ignore one to engage in conversation to counteract the insult. For example: “Oh, I bet you’re too stuck up to talk to a guy like me.” The tendency is for the chosen victim to want to prove the insult untrue.
- Loan Sharking. Giving unsolicited help to the chosen victim and anticipating they’ll feel obliged to extend some reciprocal openness in return.
- The Unsolicited Promise. A promise to do (or not do) something when no such promise is asked for; this usually means that such a promise will be broken. For example: an unsolicited, “I promise I’ll leave you alone after this,” usually means the chosen victim will not be left alone. Similarly, an unsolicited “I promise I won’t hurt you” usually means the person intends to hurt their chosen victim.
- Discounting the Word “No”. Refusing to accept rejection. “No thanks, I don’t need help,” the victim says. “Nonsense—it’s no trouble, we’re almost here!” says the sociopath.
So now you have a lead on how to recognize a sociopath, and hopefully red flags will rise when you encounter one.
But what if you’ve now realized you have a sociopath in your life – right now – and want to know how to handle them?
Stout lists “Thirteen Rules For Dealing With Sociopaths In Everyday Life.” I love this list and found it enlightening. Following is a paraphrase of what is written in her book.
1) Accept that some people have no conscience. And they don’t look like a serial killer. They look like us.
2) Always listen to your gut and prioritize what it tells you. “In a contest between your instincts and what is implied by the role a person has taken on – educator, doctor, leader, animal lover, policeman, humanist, parent – go with your instincts,” Stout urges.
3) Practice the “Rule of Threes”. Three strikes = out. One lie, one promise broken, one neglected responsibility – it could be a misunderstanding. Two: could be a serious mistake. Three: you are now dealing with a liar, and deceit lies at the heart of a person with no conscience. Cut your losses immediately.
4) Question authority. Heed your own anxieties and instincts. Especially around those who claim that by dominating others they are helping a greater good.
5) Suspect flattery. Know the difference between compliments and flattery. Compliments usually feel good. Flattery feels like too much. Know that sociopaths use flattery to manipulate.
6) Re-define your definition of respect. Discern between fear and respect. Sometimes the more we fear someone, the more we defer to them and offer them respect. Just because someone causes you to fear does not mean they are worthy of your respect. Separate the two.
7) Do not participate in intrigue – don’t play the game you’re being invited to play. Don’t compete with, or try to outsmart, or psychoanalyze, or even banter with a sociopath. Your #1 goal is to protect yourself.
8) Avoid. The best way to protect yourself is to avoid all contact. Minimize or eliminate the sociopath from your life. Although sociopaths are great actors, and can feign hurt feelings, know that they have no feelings to hurt – they are manipulating you.
9) Question your tendency to pity too easily. Evoking pity is a classic sociopathic tool. If you find yourself pitying someone who consistently hurts you or other people, chances are close to 100% that you are dealing with a sociopath. Related to this: challenge your need to be polite in all situations. Sociopaths take full advantage of our social reflexes. Remember: “No.” is a complete sentence.
10) Do not try to redeem the unredeemable. Second (and third and fourth) chances are for those who have a conscience. You can’t control someone else’s behavior. Although another favorite sociopathic trick is to defer blame and make other’s take responsibility for their behavior, “You owe me,” is another favorite phrase of the sociopath, know that you are not at fault. Again, learn how to cut your losses quickly.
11) No cover-ups. Never agree, for any reason, to help conceal the true character of a sociopath. “’Please don’t tell,’ is the trademark plea of thieves, child abusers – and sociopaths,” writes Stout. Do not listen to this self-serving request. Others deserve to be warned more than the sociopath deserves to be protected.
12) Defend your psyche. Don’t let someone without a conscience try to convince you that people aren’t good. Know that most of us do, thankfully, posses a conscience, and can love.
13) Live well. It is the best revenge.
Disturbing, isn’t it, to think about one in 25 of us having no conscience. One in 25 people being someone we need to avoid. Disturbing to think about the ease with which a sociopath creates a swath of destruction…and that they get away with it….and all you can do, usually, is steer clear.
But here’s another item I’d add to the list, something I’ve been known to say in my sessions with clients: 14) Time Wounds All Heels. (That’s not a typo. Eventually, karma catches up with bad folks). Sociopaths come to a bad end. For a thorough discussion on this, read Stout’s book. In a nutshell, because of the unrelenting boredom they feel, sociopaths create drama, take massive risks – even, sometimes, kill. It makes sense if you think about it – without human connection, what else is there? Because of their risk taking, it’s common for sociopaths to eventually be murdered, die of an overdose, or in an accident.
I write this not in the spirit of schadenfreude, but rather in celebration of our ability, the majority of us, to live lives full of depth, meaning, relationship, and love.
I’m curious to hear: what sociopaths have you encountered in your lives?
*click on title to open comments below
Is there a distinction to be made between a sadistic personality and a sociopath? They obviously overlap, but to what degree?
I would say that sadism relates to taking pleasure in causing other people pain. Sociopaths, it seems to me, delight in having power over other people and if causes pain, I’m guessing that is inconsequential to them. That’s the distinction I see.
May I ask how do I distinguish between a sociopath and someone that displays a number of sociopathic traits just because he is mean (to certain people / to me)…?
May i ask how do i distinguish between a sociopath and someone who displays a number of sociopathic behaviour around me simply because he could be really mean and he would like to push me away? (ex could act Horrible but it seemed that it’s mostly to me- he is usually charming and nice to other people…)
I’m no professional… but that sounds like a narcissistic trait to me. To have a person to project the things they don’t like about themselves onto… gaslight them, turn everybody against that person… and then gain the trust of everybody else around them. Sometimes they also create a ‘golden child’ … a person in their life that they put all of their good traits onto. Often they have both in their lives.. the scape goat and golden child…. one person can do no wrong… the other ‘does everything wrong’ (even though they really haven’t)… do that one person takes the blame for everything in their life that they don’t want to take responsibility for, and the other (golden child) gives them a sense of control in their life by having control over someone else.
Hope that helps… it took me years of getting gaslit (gaslighting is a pretty common term… you can google it if you don’t know what it is) to figure that one out… some counseling and lots of studying. Lots if YouTube videos out there (thank God) on how to deal with narcissists. Stay strong my friend and good luck! Chances are you are awesome and just dealing with a very toxic (and outwardly convincing person).
Trust your gut!
He’s a sociopath!
To at fear to discuss. I Married her.
I know I have been in a relationship 4 10 years with one.He actually always talks about the game . I apparently don’t play it well.The rules change at any moment without notice .He is silent you ask what’s wrong he says you know what’s wrong.There are punishments,phone calls to tell you why your irritating, he will set you up to fail then there will be a present for you but it’s still your fault.He gets you to flip out then says see your the crazy one.He won’t let you get away.He is a great fisherman he throws you far away then reels you back in . He knows the game after all .
I’d say this to you as I’m fresh from dealing with a sociopath who was able to take my wife away. Stay away from the person. I had trouble with this guy because his phone was used and previously owned by Irene Johnson. My now x has a girlfriend in the area the phone would call out of so I didn’t know it was ‘Steve’ calling until I did some checking with the computer. I typed in “Who Owns This Number”? I had to pay a search site $1.00 to run the search but I was finally able to pinpoint who now owned the phone.
My wife ran away from me from her hair appointment and called me several hours later and 150 miles away and said she’s never coming back. I literally found her lost in the woods 20 years ago and we got along so well. We talked a lot but would never yell and scream at each other. We just got along and as much as I may still love her in a true sense, she broke my heart so bad that the ambulance took me away and I spent a night in the hospital. It was so wrenching that I had a seizure and later couldn’t walk. The whole thing was so unexpected exept for one thing. Her first x was stalking her and through a used phone and their mutual interest in church and grandkids the nut (sociopath) was able to bring her back to himself.
She wants to call me up and say “Hi, sweetheart” and talk like it is no big deal. To me it is a very big deal and I have simply decided on a strict cut off with no communication. She changed her name back to her maiden name after two weeks and sent me two condescending emails to which I did not relply but simply deleted. That’s how I will remove her from my mind. Protecting myself plus refusing to be humiliated by her and her x husband Steve.
Cut him/her off.
I have been married to a covet sociopath. survival all these years was initial denial disbelief, acceptance and now my full rage (yes the. same as any other trauma).
He is not human. there is nothing human about him. no emotion. except anger hate.
he lives to cause these feelings in others. fear, loss of hope distress.
I am no longer afraid. I don’t care/ I will be 60 in the blink of the eye. He is afraid bow and I still live in the same house. All the advice says don’t tell them what you think and on and on What so they can control you with covert aggression. Change me and ill suddenly not be the target? I would say everything I said to him a million tines over. One day he will die as so will I. Then justice will come swift for him. He can’t die from God
I have been in a relationship with a man for seven years. He moved into my home a few months after I met him due to some unfortunate circumstances at the time. Well after seven years of some physical abuse and a ton of emotional abuse I am now trying to get him out of my life totally. I was told about three years ago by my counselor that he was a sociopath and after he was in a psyche ward I was told that he also had a narcissistic personality disorder. I love this man with everything I have in my soul and have suffered emotionally and financially because of my love for him. I haven’t spoken to him in three weeks and have done a lot of reading about these disorders. I am still so devastated for giving seven years to a man whom I thought was my soul mate and I would eventually marry to find out it was nothing but a LIE. I really want to start healing and move on with my life. Still so sad!!
I fee you, Carol. Despite all the love, almost eberything, I’ve give him, it’s still not enough. It’s easy for him to drop you like a piece of garbage without regard your feelings. I know that letting go and moving on is the only smart and right way to do, but it’s difficult. It’s like he has power over you. It’s like your world will stop without him. But if you thought of all the lies, even how real it may seem when he said how much he loves in your eyes during lovemaking, it’s too stupid to keep going. We owe it to ourselves to walk away and save what little self worth and self respect left to ourselves.
I fell in love with a sociopath. I knew that he had a history of “catch and release” relationships as he called them so I insisted that we go to a psychologist right from day one.
He even fooled the expert until he started to unravel. Im told that they can only hold the facade together for 3-4 months and then the cracks start to show. This was true for us but of course I wanted to ignore the red flags and give him the benefit of the doubt.
I am now out! And fortunately I had wonderful guidance through the whole process both from the psychologist and an attorney friend. I was so very sad. I am a strong person but this was total crazy making. I am so glad that he finally crossed a line of cruelty with me and that was when the light really went on.
Think of them as a human with no heart. They cant help it and they cant be helped.
Get out!!
Hi Carolyn,
I married my SP, he actually held the façade for a little over 2 years. I had put him in jail twice for Domestic Violence. This last time on September 21, 2019 (just 29 days after he got out of jail for the second time for DV for me) I guess he started the “discard” phase because he saw that I wasn’t buying the old okie…doke any more. He is now facing a felony because this will be his 3rd offense with me…. not including numerous girlfriends and the other (4) wives. I have now gone with “no contact” with him for 3 weeks now. He hasn’t tried to reach me. I’m sure he is with the other “victim” now…..
I dated sociopathic female for nearly ten months with a singular breakup after 6 months. I have now read many books and she had every manipulation tactic down to a science. There were too many references to Pavlov’s dog as well as frogs and pots not to know she had actually studied her craft. The love bombing was absolutely ridiculous but the fact that she was not financially needy made me dismiss it as a true intimate relationship. (Your my soulmate, the man of my dreams, I want to marry you and grow old together) She had a great job and made well over 6 figures per year so being needy was dismissed. She bragged about conning her ex-husband out of his share of their retirement accounts witch equaled close to $1M. When I first met her she was describing his mental issues and my immediate response to her was PTSD. He had major symptoms of Complex PTSD, ( Fear of water and drowning, driving over bridges, thunder storms, inability to make decisions, and a complete lack of confidence without her guiding every step he made). I have since read that all of those are associated with extreme emotional abuse. He lost his first child because his ex-wife abused the baby which is now labeled as shaken baby syndrome and it was not diagnosed at the time of the child’s death in the early 80s. He also was a former cocaine addict that stayed clean after rehab which was before they married. She had just had a child out of wedlock two years prior and was unable to venture away from home to fulfill her own ambitions as well as escape from parenting. She was receiving a child support check for all three and claimed she didn’t even like the man that was the father of her third child. Her older sister would have to recue her own children from her as she screamed at them to “Shut the F*@k up when they were crying. She married her last husband after a short courtship and “they” decided to have another baby. What better way to secure her personal babysitter and allow her to leave and take jobs that kept her away from home. She knew he wouldn’t leave if a child bonded them together and he didn’t until nearly all the kids were done with high school then it was time for her to discard. She turned him into Mr Mom and he raised her kids as well as the one they had together. They adopted a son through foster care but she was receiving a $720 check for him as well. The son they had together was an empath and he was tortured by her youngest daughter, her abusive clone and golden child. He, the empath, suffers greatly now due to her lack of attention from his negligent / absentee mother and abusive golden child. The sibling revelry was so bad in that house that the oldest two barely spoke until they were in their late 20s. None of her children know she’s a malignant sociopath. She was constantly making devaluing comments, all directed at men, and her stories of abusing men and laughing about it were chilling. As with all sociopaths the physical relationship was off the charts but I remember noticing the lack of intimacy distinctly and made comments as well as requests for more. Every part of my intuition was telling me she was not be trusted. Everything my intuition was clearly telling me was eventually revealed to be the truth. The triangulation occurred with her youngest sister, her single wing man, and her constantly bragging about previous sexual conquests, grunting at other men, and going over her “to do” lists of people she’d like to have sex with.. The youngest sister and her daughters were so overtly narcissistic that it was alarming and they all scammed anything they could from anyone that would allow it. She was also concealing communication with a former lover that was constantly requesting that she date both of us. I suspect he was just one of many! One of the hallmarks of sociopathic behavior is making sure they have many narcissistic supplies waiting in the wings in case you catch on to what’s actually going on. She has all the biological makers, pronounced Adam’s apple, extremely low blood pressure, and high testosterone levels associated with a sociopathic female. Her predatory stare caught my attention when we first met but I dismissed it as being nervous only to later ask and she clearly told me she’s never been nervous around a single second. Her history contains juvenile delinquency, being in bars since the age of 15, heavy drug use, getting thrown out of school, and teen age promiscuity. I’m pretty certain when I asked why she was the only child, with 4 other sisters, that was sent to catholic school she mumbled that she accidently hurt the family dog. She must have been truly wild because her father put her head through a windshield for the behavior when she was a teen. Her father abandoned them at a young age. She described him as constantly having affairs, intelligent, had a gift of gab and paid very little to support her and her sisters. Oddly enough, no one could say much about the mother, their primary support system, other than describe the great things should could cook and her recipes. That was all they said other than she was quiet and demur. I’ve read that sociopath can only focus on tangible life necessities, food and shelter, and find it hard to describe love and relationships. At some point she told me several things, to solicit sympathy, and showed no emotion at all while telling the story. Terrible things that had supposedly happened and showed extremely low emotion even as I asked questions. She said she and three other girls were drugged and raped and her emotional level could have been her talking about her house plants. Two of her stories contained instances where her kids were in danger and she was more concerned about herself than rescuing her own children from danger. She hurdled over one and ran away from the danger and stood at the door to coax another away from a snake they were playing with. She only laughed at behavior such as that and cruelty towards men. Both of her daughters are so overtly narcissistic they are cartoonish about it. First meeting with both they made it clear they were establishing the pecking order by overtly, dramatic, facial expressions and infant like bratty entitlement. They were in their late 20s and early 30s. The youngest one show signs of being the exact sociopathic clone of her mother. Both daughters scammed whatever they could get but the youngest one would openly steal anything, devalue her boyfriend in front of anyone, name call, cheat at games, and require everyone to cater to her as the mother watched with literally no reaction at all to any of it. The daughter would make up stories about her boyfriend’s abuse to elicit her mother’s reaction to recue her only to find out she was making it all up and laugh about it. It didn’t go unnoticed by me that all the men that had entered into her core family, and stayed for any length of time, had been previously, severely, narcissistically abused by a female (wife or mother) as conditioning for their ongoing abuse. Everything was usury during the relationship and I could feel it all happening along the way. She would feign ignorance about it all while being highly arrogant about her intelligence. The ending was exactly as described in all literature about sociopaths, it had absolutely no effect on her and it was all a love scam. Just another day in the office for a narcissistic sociopath. I walked into a nest of vampires and ran out screaming, literally!
sadists derive pleasure (usually sexual) from inflicting suffering upon others. sociopaths do not necessarily enjoy causing others pain but they have no qualms about doing so and will not experience remorse afterwards
I experience something similar, but we never had a love relation, he was my boss
and it feels that he is acting from the shadow! With a lot of cruelty, since 3 years ago!
He put me out of my job! I did not see him since July 9th, 2017. I still feel bad since then
and before since May 2015.
Hi, I have too many stories with sociopath!
I have been having a relationship with someone who is married. I want to get rid of this person. I am suspecting that he is one of these Sociopath.
Sociopaths are sadistic. They have a pathological need to wound and twist the knife in the wound. They need to feel powerful and retaliate with sometimes violent anger if they are unable to control their chosen victim’s thoughts and actions with fear and undermining of self esteem. The above article gives a broad view of the personality disorder and gives reliable advice for staying out of the clutches of a sociopath. How I regret that I was such a naive
and trusting 20 year old at the time when I experienced all of this first hand.
Well said. They love twisting the knife, putting the salt in the wound, causing a person to fall down. I’ve known several male and female sociopaths. I feel I attract them big time. The women ones are almost the worst, as they love to take another woman down under the “guise” of friendship. Of course, feeling like youve fallen in love with one, is incrediably painful and confusing too,, so it’s a toss up which is worse I guess. Did he ever love me? Am I as bad as he says I am now? I can really spot the signs of sociopathy after my experiences, and am protected enough in my personal life, married with protective spouse, that I don’t worry much about it anymore. I think the advice about having rules for letting you down no more than a couple of times is a good one. I think something that I still struggle with understanding though, are the people who go along with the sociopath and even do their dirty work and support them, even when they KNOW what they are. I guess I’m just not that type of person ever, I dont gang up on or fight other people’s battles that I’m not involved in or wadnt there to see. My support never entails all that.
The woman I thought of as a good friend is one. Very devious and conniving. I had been through a lot, with the support of my husband – death in the family, finding out I had stage 3 kidney cancer not long after having our second child after and undergoing 2 years treatment, my mother’s operation. Another relative added to the stress. Then I had another major operation. I didn’t realise what this person was upto until all had gone haywire. The “friend” was always there offering help and “friendship”. At times, looking back, she elaborated on things, and slowly the knife twisted. It nearly sent me over the edge. I didn’t know left from right, and people thought I was crazy. It caused a rift with my husband and we divorced, and amazingly and are on good terms now, trying to get back together. I found out later that she had been the same with a neighbour, even her ex husband and own brother said be careful if you cross her. It has made me very wary of people. Ive told our 3 kids what she did and for them to be careful. This “person” was a godmother to our eldest. It makes me creep. I have found out since that “she” has found a new source to feed off.
I remember him saying one time, before I was ever involved with him, that he was VERY fickle and wishy washy as it pertains to women. Its funny the things you remember later on that they revealed. I think that goes along with the shallow emotions and the fleeting nature of those type of limited feelings. I never suspected anything at the time, that he was a sociopath. I never even thought about sociopathy back then. I received a crash course in them. I was surrounded by several. They fool alot of people. But once the gloves come off, they’ve got to WIN. That means pushing all your buttons, abusing you emotionally , telling everyone they can how awful YOU are, how crazy YOU are, and that everything is YOUR fault, and how THEY did NOTHING wrong. They can’t simply walk away after disalusioning and duping you. The problem was I got so mad at being targeted after being discarded I ended up having to WIN too. So I did everything they say NOT to do.
Still in a non-consensual long-distance relationship with one (that I know of). Always puzzled by her “hit & run” episodes of frothing, over-the-top friendliness & subsequent silen treatment ’til I learned what a sociopath is. Never considered it problematic til she started doing her hair like mine in an attempt to pass as me. I’ve been living in fear of my life for about a year now.
The sociopath I knew was also sadistic. I was extremely naive about it at the time, but rabbits, parakeets, chickens, and the puppy went missing. Each time, after an animal had mysteriously disappeared and we had been sad about it for a few days, he would bring home more rabbits, chickies, or another puppy as a “gift”. He would let the rabbits out to entertain himself watching the family try to catch them. One day I noticed him tossing the chickens around carelessly, hurting them, and it came to me in horror that he was likely behind the other animals disappearing.
[…] While it’s unlikely they decapitate kittens on their days off, it’s entirely possible they could be a sociopath: […]
My ex-husband is a sociopath. He charmed his way into my heart. At first, I he treated me as though I was the most rarest of gems. I thought and would tell others that he was a gift to me, all I had ever dreamed of. He started to change with money. He was always chronically broke. He asked me for $400 to pay for his son’s school needs. I loved him, so I loved his son. Of course I did it. I did it again for Christimas. Then he needed money to survive because of his first divorce settlement taking most of his salary. So I would give him $800 per month, pay for most of our outings and then still lavish him with gifts and trips. After a year, he asked me if I would go get a loan for $80,000 to pay out the divorce settlement with his ex-wife. I told him I couldn’t do that, if we broke up I would be stuck with the loan to her. He then asked me to move in with him and he would re-mortgage his home. He needed me to co-sign, so I’m now stuck on a $300,000 mortgage, paying the bank $1,000 per month on a house that he owns completely. That is not to mention, the repeat ended infidelity. He knew that I had a fear of infidelity because of my parents life and my own experience. Every time I did not do what he wanted, he would cheat on me. My fear of this made me comply with everything he wanted. The first time, we had a minor disagreement over how long I spent by my parents house. On hour later, I found his car parked at his ex-girlfriends house. I knocked on the door, she came out half dressed saying that he was now with her. The next day he apologized, saying he doesn’t know how to handle emotional pain because he thought I was leaving him and he was using her to get over the pain. I fell for this, and that started the chain he would use to have repeated affairs. In our second year of marriage I had caught him with four different women. How did it end? I was 36 at the time, he found a wealthy 56 year old woman, living by herself, no boyfriend and no kids. He got her to fall in love with him. She paid off all his debts as part of our divorce settlement, so I was debt free and we got divorced. One moth after the divorce, he came back to me, claiming he was in love, he dumped the older woman – 12 years older than him – and he wanted me back. He stalked me at my home for four months. If I went out, he would show up there and hide, watching me and sending me nasty texts. He would come to my house any hour day or night and expect to be let in. He would call me and talk with me saying very little from 9pm until sometime 5am. He finally gave up just this April, I suspect because he’s found another target or victim. I became addicted to him, like a drug and it was so hard to get free. I’m hoping now that I am finally strong enough to resist him. I would advise all women too stay away from these type. You cannot love them into loving you, you cannot do enough for them, they always want more. Once they know what hurts you, they will use that to control you. He was physically and emotionally abusive. His first wife took 20 years to recover, I’ve taken 7. These are not the people you want to mess with.
sad that people knowingly ,willingly & cold-bloodedly will systematically use someone they know are hurting from their behavior.
There is really no reason that could justify their cruel behavior.
I too was deceived & cheated on (amongst other things) whilst he lied to my face repeatedly, knowing that I was an already damaged person.
I believe that in the end these heartless people end up in a bad place . They would have no self-respect – as they don’t respect others.
You did the right thing leaving him, I hope that you find peace, I imagine you would feel more peaceful simply by not being manipulated by them any more !
I am a sociopath and I’ve known for at least 10 years now what that emptiness inside me is. I’ve become more aware of how I’m different and I try to blend in, the truth is I don’t understand the emotions of other people, I try to mimic other’s facial expressions and read social cues to remain undetected. The truth does remain that I feel almost nothing, not love, not joy, but I do understand anger. The above reading is accurate at least for me, I have damaged lives and committed crimes (but not for a long time now) I feel no guilt or remorse I’m indifferent. However for the record I’M NOT EVIL, I am making an effort to fit societies mold, this is proving to be difficult.
Thank you for that insight. May I ask you a question? When you said you feel “almost” nothing—what things or experiences made you feel that tiny bit of emotion or makes you respond somehow? Was it only the anger? And you said you understand anger, but do you feel it?
if you have commited crimes willingly and ruined lives willingly , stepping over the bodies as it were, and you say you are not evil? what do you call it ?
Read the book, “People of the Lie” by M. Scott Peck. I found this to be extremely helpful in (kind of) accepting and understanding what “evil” is. Evil does exist. It is here. I have danced with it, unwittingly, and am working toward recovery.
ACCEPTANCE of REALITY will be imperative to my recovery. That means acceptance of: He lies, committed infidelity (emotional & physical), betrayed me with family, friends and finances, I stayed longer than I wished I had (13 years), and ESPECIALLY acceptance that I was raised in a family of narcissism, alcoholism, and emotional immaturity. This is where my choices all began.
The family I was raised in groomed me, before I EVER met a romantic narcissist. I behave like an addict because I that’s what know. It’s first nature to me. My family members were sick too. They passed it on to me. Because I know this, I am blessed to have the opportunity to recover.
Practicing love addiction has been the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced. I am healing and I believe I am now recovering. It has been scientifically proven that being involved with a narcissist, sociopath, and/or psychopath, chemically changes your brain. Science says it is as difficult to “kick” as heroin!
So, for anyone who’s realizing they have become sick because of their relationship with someone who exhibits the characteristics, please be gentle with yourself, forgive YOURSELF, and DISENGAGE as realistically as possible.
You can NEVER convince someone to love you, if they don’t have the capacity to love. God can’t even make that happen. I am still processing these years and can go back into the magical thinking of “what if..?”, and “could I have..?”, and “maybe I was wrong…”. On really good days, I just think that we were wrong for each other. That’s a true statement, for sure! And it helps me accept its over and all is well.
I have made a COMMITMENT to myself, that when the day comes that I truly think of him with no anger, pain or sadness, I will not allow myself to forget his behaviors and characteristics. I believe and pray this will keep me from involving myself with another one.
The labels were important for me to know, so I could educate myself about the signs, personality and objectives of the narcissist/sociopath in my life. It helped me, along with PTSD counseling, to understand that I have definitely been sick, but I am NOT crazy or hallucinating. I was indeed involved with a pathologically incapable person who has no true conscience onboard.
To make things even more confusing, he manipulates altruistically. So to the outside world he appears very generous and giving. But his “gifts” are only one of his masks for image management and manipulation. Living with him was like living on crumbs. We had great financial resources, which he made sure he controlled at all times (and kept), and our lives looked very wonderful to outsiders. But his personality was very different at home. He raged, he took 3-4 “guy trips” every year, but took me on one vacation the last seven years of our marriage (right after I agreed to come back to him, during one of the times I attempted to actually divorce him), we lived only where he wanted to live, spent money only when/where he wanted to spend it, he told everyone how wonderful I was, but seldom gave me compliments and often made passive aggressive comments toward me in private, the things he did do for me were done out of “duty” and image, not care and love. The world basically revolved around him. Image and self-gain were always his motivators.
He petitioned the courts for visitation with my therapy dog, but never even texted my son to check on my grandchildren who only knew him as their grandfather. I could go on and on…but all these things are just signposts of our relationship; my codependency and his dominating behavior. The real point is:
It took me several years to actually accept the reality of his ongoing gaslighting, lies, manipulation and discard(s) of me, file for divorce (a second and final time) and STOP the cycle of abuse. It has been 9 months and it has been very painful at times. Before I left, I developed a support system of pastors, therapists (yes, that’s plural), true friends and family members who understand both our issues, so I could/would finally go through with it. When I filed this last time, he went no contact too. I’m guessing because I had begun to hold him accountable for his lies, without drama, and he realized I wasn’t going to cycle with him anymore.
I am grateful he was “through” with me. It motivated me to keep moving forward, take back my self esteem and move on with my life.
I didn’t file for divorce to live in misery. I filed to regain what I have left of my life (I am 60) and live the rest of it with more serenity and sanity than I had the last 13 years.
The desire to have romantic love was like sugar to a bee. It attracted narcissists and this last sociopath.
If you do anything in recovery, be okay with being alone. Don’t “look” for love. Just be the awesome Self that you are. Everything is going to take care of itself. I truly believe that.
God bless you, carry you and protect you.
Thanks for your honesty,
I’ve gone through patches in my life after being traumatised as a child of feeling nothing & wondering what the heck it’s all about. I kind of wondered if I had aspergers as I never seemed to fit in & seemed to continually make social blunders- leading to episodes of deep depression.
Prayer & being prayed over helped me, my faith is a little shakey, at times but now I feel more peace in my life, which I know is a test .
I was damaged emotionally , neglected, ridiculed, criticized , I think I retreated within myself. I was told that I was stupid, ugly & had no friends , my mother told me that I “didn’t deserve anything”
I now know it was “them”, not me that was wrong, after years of confusion & self -loathing.
I feel pity for those that damaged me- I had not a friend till I was at least 9yo, didn’t really know how to socialise, I still have moments of feeling insecure, overwhelmed, undeserving etc . I think it’s important to try & understand why you feel a certain way, but also important not o dwell on it, & try & forgive if you feel that you may need to for your own sake
To what degree can they convince others to turn against you or make others think you are them? Is there any way to undo their influence on others?
I am a product to it, They are very good at recruiting supporters that do not think to get both sides and make their own judgment. Then it becomes like a cancer and spreads then these supports themselves do not see the damage that has been inflicted on them. They tend to either attract likeness or prey on the emotions of others. Mine ended up stripping me of my life and children and more than 11 years later am still trying to put the pieces together. Unfortunately I have been blindsided by even a better socio than the first and I am at least educating myself more and will inform all the victims I know of to date of his antics. I will not allow someone again if i have any input to do this to another again.
ofc you don’t need to make a distinction you can call everyone who ever does something bad a psychopath
everyone does
and that’s why the word has lost all meaning
in my job there is one extremly charming woman with almost an overhuman charisma, she attacked me and other people, and got away with her evil aggressive behaviour as the majority of people stood by her side, Im a HSP and it did not take me long time to understand that she has all the charachteristics of a sociopath, yesterday at a job meeting we all got a paper with a random question on it, guess what she got? do you have bad conscience for anything you have done? no she said abd the boss ( another type of sociopath) asked with a smile: come on, name something, like eating to much sweets? no she said, we all sat silently and watched her, then she said ok I choose that one, that I eat to much sweets! this woman had an accident and hurted her leg and had to stay away from working for 1 year! now she is back or maybe I should say “it” is back. SHE IS THE MOST CREEPY PERSON I MET IN MY LIFE AND I BET SHE EASILY COULD KILL…
Looking back, I’ve known far too many, my father included, which might explain why I seem to be drawn to these miscreants in the first place. I dated one recently, and though it only took me a month and a half to clock him for what he is, the psychic contamination he inflicted in that short span of time was enough to incite me back into therapy. I hate the persistent fixation I’ve had on him, I don’t want to know him, think of him or even remember him. Curiously enough, I ran into an acquaintance a couple days ago who is currently being drawn into a different sociopath’s trap. The only reason I know that’s what he is, is 1) I know him, and fell right into that trap 8 years ago, and 2) she looked completely defeated. Straightaway I noted as soon as she mentioned his name, I became instantly fixated on him once again, unable to think of anything else. Once they get into my subconscious, I have a hard time getting them out. On the plus side, it made me forget about the other sociopath, which makes me wonder if these types are as interchangeable as a battery. It doesn’t exactly solve my problem, but since the one from 8 years ago doesn’t know where to find me, it appears easier to manage.
I’ve been working on my vulnerabilities -they are expert at exploiting them-but you can use them to point you in the right direction and increase your self awareness.
It is much harder for them to get any headspace out of me now.
Your vulnerabilities are their psychic hook-you own the power to release them
Lisa,
Thank you for this wonderful article.
For the past 5 years or so I was being mentally and emotionally abused by a sociopath. Of course, I didn’t realize this until a few years into this relationship. It’s shocking, embarrassing almost, to read this article and realize I was so blind.
This sociopath had a great time leading me to believe we were the best of friends, which led to a relationship in which I was constantly told I was a bad person, that nobody liked me as a person, that I did everything wrong. Every little thing I did was criticized…right down to my carpool schedule and my dentist appointments. I never did anything right. You’d think as a smart girl, I would laugh it off. But, when you look up to someone who used to be your “best friend” and someone you spent all your time with, you believe what they say…whether it be good or bad. So that was it, I must be a bad person. To this day (our fallout occurred over a year ago), I have to sit back and remember that I am a better person than he. That I am a good person.
Unfortunately, I happen to work with this person in the same department at work (he originally recommended me for the job and later regretted that decision) everyday of the week. I have to face my mistake every. Single. Day. I am proud of where I’ve come in the past year, but it has not been easy. Though few and far between, I still have panic attacks and have to walk away from certain situations to keep myself calm.
It is TERRIFYING to realize people like this exist in the world. It’s just as bad as a racist or religious intolerance. It’s digesting and it’s scary that it can’t be changed. I realize that I cannot change this person, nor can I change the way people react to his charming personality; but I can change how I react and feel about it.
It was oddly satisfying (awful as it sounds) to read your last section about karma. The sociopath I was abused by always told me I should watch my back for the karma that was going to get me (something else he threatened me with). I am not a believer in karma – he is. I don’t know how or when or if I’ll even be there to see him get his karma, but after what he put me through…he should watch over his shoulder. He will never change.
Thank you again for your article.
I have been duped by a sociopath for the past 5 months that I work with every day… I’ve known him for 5 years professionally, but changing environments leashes to be closer in location. It started out all unicorns and rainbows. We have went through all of The stages of their regular game, and he is trying to keep this viscous cycle going. The lies, the broken promises, the manipulation… All of that just became clear. It was like an incredible weight was lifted to finally find out what was actually happening, and why. It was healing to know it wasn’t my fault. Throughout the past several months though, to make things worse, is basically that this person told me of some of the characteristics that they possess. Basically stoped just short of using the term sociopath… This leaves me to wonder. Were and are they still trying to manipulate me, or actually be heard for what they are? Another random fact is that I have not had sex with the sociopath?!?! I totally don’t get it. He knows he could’ve at any time had all of me. I was getting ready to leave my husband for this person. Yeah, not proud of that AT ALL. The last straw was me sitting in my shared home, with my husband there, packed and ready to leave, only to be a stood up by said sociopath. He definitely does not like to be called a liar, and I am aware of his violent past… I still have to work with this guy and keep it professional at work… And I feel as though he is not through with me…PLEASE HELP!!! Suggestions welcomed!!!
I’d say this to you as I’m fresh from dealing with a sociopath who was able to take my wife away. Stay away from the person. I had trouble with this guy because his phone was used and previously owned by Irene Johnson. My now x has a girlfriend in the area the phone would call out of so I didn’t know it was ‘Steve’ calling until I did some checking with the computer. I typed in “Who Owns This Number”? I had to pay a search site $1.00 to run the search but I was finally able to pinpoint who now owned the phone.
My wife ran away from me from her hair appointment and called me several hours later and 150 miles away and said she’s never coming back. I literally found her lost in the woods 20 years ago and we got along so well. We talked a lot but would never yell and scream at each other. We just got along and as much as I may still love her in a true sense, she broke my heart so bad that the ambulance took me away and I spent a night in the hospital. It was so wrenching that I had a seizure and later couldn’t walk. The whole thing was so unexpected exept for one thing. Her first x was stalking her and through a used phone and their mutual interest in church and grandkids the nut (sociopath) was able to bring her back to himself.
She wants to call me up and say “Hi, sweetheart” and talk like it is no big deal. To me it is a very big deal and I have simply decided on a strict cut off with no communication. She changed her name back to her maiden name after two weeks and sent me two condescending emails to which I did not relply but simply deleted. That’s how I will remove her from my mind. Protecting myself plus refusing to be humiliated by her and her 1st x husband Steve. I posted this earlier but maybe this will help. Be determined else he will keep doing the same to you.
Cut him/her off.
I work for a sociaopath and can’t afford to leave. it is difficult. he is charming but just does not care about anyone. I am not the only person saying that either.
My separation led me in the arms of a sociopath. I was going through a nasty divorce last year following parental alienation so sever I do not know if I will ever have a relationship with my children. do to the brainwashing, bashing, and belittling that the
x family has done about me to my children left me in an emotional imbalance and I was not able to make good choices. So no ! I had no idea that he was a sociopath until I became healthy and did not play the victim anymore. I knew that we did not have a healthy relationship, however, I was also convinced that with out him I would have committed suicide. he may be right. I was not kink to him either and for that I had a lot of guilt. But now ,after one year of pure pain emotionally, I now know that I have one big issue in my life and what to do about it is the hardest part of it all. with this said, I want you to know that I agree with your carma rationalization. I think that he will be incarcerated this fall and he did that himself. He as cheated, punched me int the lip (4 stitches), llied, manipulates, accuses, blames, and does not see that he does anything wrong. Also he has stalking tendencies, tracks my phone, car, texts, records my conversations on the phone and in my house, but worst of all, he feels that he is justified in doing so. I deserve it by my actions.
Hello, my sister is a sociopath, I have just recently put the pieces together after the death of my father, she destroyed my relationship with him, as well as the rest of my siblings. She in secret and stealth has portrayed herself as the most lovable, and caring person, but I knew something was not right. From the time she was young she had issues with drug abuse, sexual addictions, lying, stealing….and the list goes on and on. She has put a target on my back, and tried to ruin my relationship with me children, and friends. But also found out she was sexually abusing my baby sister, who is now in her forties, I am quite older than both of them, and this happened after I moved out of my parents home. But what most recently happened is that she hijacked all of our inheritances and I am doing legally what I can to reverse this, but she has threatened my life and my children’s…… I do a lot of praying, and fear she may tried to kill me, but I have to do something to protect a mentally handicapped family member from her control, she convinced my father years ago to make her his guardian and conservator, knowing this would put her in the position to steal everything after my Dad’s death. Of course I could write a book about this and how she has victimized me for many years and left me feeling like there was something seriously wrong with me, but I know the only thing that was wrong with me was my narcissistic mentally and physically abusive mother, and my sister that is a sociopath. I have read many articles and a couple books on this subject, the thing is she never got disciplined for anything, she has been the golden child as long as I can remember….
I have a sociopath sister too. She is a textbook case of a true sociopath!
I live next door to one and she has made my life a living hell. Her lying about me to friends/neighbors has reached an all time low. She even told her own daughter that I was trying to get her baby taken away through CYS! She is plain evil. Destroys property and reputations. I confronted her about her pathological lying and boy is she on the war path! Our police labled her the neighborhood sociopath.
I don’t think it’s easy for the average person to differentiate between an actual sociopath and just a selfish, manipulative, harmful person. Complete lack of empathy/conscience often isn’t apparent until after the sociopath crosses a line. I definitely agree with “always listen to your gut”. I ignored my gut on a couple of occasions because I didn’t want to be rude or to look silly if my gut was wrong. My gut was never wrong, and I was very lucky. Better to be rude or look silly than to be dead.
I would add to the list above, a few comments made by someone I truly believe was a sociopath. Regardless of the label, these lists are still valuable even if you’re not up against an actual sociopath but simply someone you should guard against:
“They don’t know me like you do and I don’t care what they think” in response to concerns from your family or friends. As much as we may hate admitting it, concern from respected people who know us best and care most about our welfare should be regarded as a huge warning sign you should probably RUN, especially if you’re hearing it from more than one person.
“People who are too stupid or weak deserve what they get” – if true, those are the people least deserving to be taken advantage of. Sociopaths feel an entitlement bordering on an obligation to take advantage of those who are weaker.
“I’m not a nice girl/guy” – Surprisingly, they’re likely telling the truth. Believe them and believe you will ultimately be the one they aren’t nice to.
“C’mon, do it” or any coaxing you to do something illegal or that you know is wrong. People who care try to protect you, not put you in compromising positions.
Finally, any version where they try to justify unprovoked cruelty.
You know I remember early on in our relationship when we were just starting out, he said to me “don’t ever apologize to me”. I thought it was kinda wired at the time but I just shrugged it off. Now that I have been discarded, for some reason I remembered him saying that to me….
My family is well off. We worked really hard for years and now it seems as if the sociopaths have come out of the woodwork. A very common theme is they try to come between me and any source of happiness I may be experiencing. It seems as if I am surrounded by them. I could handle them on my own but they use their charms on my mother and she seems to think they are just being nice. I have also noticed that most of them are born in January. I just wish Karma was swifter before they create so much turmoil in my life.
I believe my sister is married to a sociopath. My family and I have seen practically all the traits described in him. We believed he was emotionally abusive to her but didn’t understand at the time the full implications and confronted him with his behavior, which he reacted to with extreme anger, blaming others, including us and my sister, claiming that she was really abusing HIM. The outcome is that my sister became very protective and defensive of him, to the point of attacking our entire family verbally in a letter in order to make a defense for him. The other problem is that she is now even closer to him emotionally, and has even issued an ultimatum that if we want her as part of the family we have to accept her husband as he is. We believe he is behind the strings in every things she says and does toward the family, influencing her to manipulate us. How can we possibly help our sister now without giving in to his game?
One of the worst psychopath sociopath ever seen .she’s a hybrid she’s both sociopath and psychopath and I know I’ve done a lot of reading about this and I know the term is it used only with a criminologist is there a difference between themshe is a stripper Right she has access to many weak minded peopleshe picks and chooses her victims well
Sorry ,I would like finish,by saying I lived with her I seen it all .I didnt realize when I was in it .She always Had me so clinched up.This one is disease on society, From episode of star trek ,A salt monster .Taking shape and forum to be what the host wants .I have seen the change ,They do not want to be discovered. And you are right karma will serve her .If not the IRS will .I yruly believe she was poisoning me Always when I was with her chronic stomach problems. She commented that her ex had the same problem. So beware they come in every walk of life .Go with your gut ..Thats why I think I was having so much problems plus maybe help from her .Watch for posture in the creatures they ate walking stiff and always holding themselves up .Thank you for letting me share .Good luck society .
This is great stuff to read ! I have an older brother who is a sociopath and as an adult I am grateful that now I keep him out of my life. As my brother is a master in manipulating and working on other people’s conscious, he caused a lot of misery in my life and in that of my parents. He was always the cause of fights, conflicts, violence, sadistic behaviour, lying, etc. When he managed to cause anger and conflict in our home, he would be happy and smile, while everyone felt bad.
It has taken my years to understand his mechanism and how he still tries to manipulate others around him. I strongly believe that the best medicine for dealing with a sociapath is not dealing with one at all.
I like the part of ‘Time Wounds All Heels’. My brother now has a son who has recently been diagnosed officially as being a little psychopath. Now my brother is receiving a big taste of his own medecine and finally my parents are starting to see that something is really wrong with both my broher and my nephew. Karma indeed.
I have someone who fits all these characteristics. To engage with this person is to be entirely surrounded by this language and behavior above. This person wants in everyone’s business while hiding and secretive her own past, replays your own thoughts back to you in order to establish commonality, won’t except rejection to the point of absolute refusal, latches onto individuals to the point of creepy obsession (the person always changes, the behavior does not). I operate a running group and all source of drama can be traced to this individual. She has found a playground in which to play her games. She has tried with me. It is integral to the success of her games and goals against her victims to be establish control over the rule-maker and orchestrator of this large group (which always has an inflow of new people for new games). Lucky for me she is not the first sociopath I’ve had in my group, whom, as you described above eventually left town after the walls closed in on her and all that was left in her wake was the trail of destruction left in her wake for me to clean up. This one I deal with now has been left without me as a tool.
Thank you loads for this article. I have just (this evening) become sure a person close to me is a sociopath, and is using me (specifically even more likely given I am an empath).
This is the most useful article I’ve read thus far in helping me decide what to do next. It will be sad if I do indeed cut them out of my life as that would mean cutting out their family, who I love. But my gut tells me this sociopathic individual will harm me a lot for the rest of my life and as you advised, I will listen to it.
My daughter is one. I am in way over my head. Help?
My step son is also, I am in the situation where no one else sees it. Our daughter was abused by him multiple times but my husband is completely blind to his condition. He insists that he is all better and that he showed remorse, regret and felt really bad for what he did. I see my stepson painting this picture for his dad of how perfect his life is now, he even told him that he wanted to be a police officer and applied and was accepted but do to financial reasons he could not do it. and dad is swallowing it hook line and sinker. Currently my stepson is not aloud anywhere near our daughter but I just know he is trying to weasel his way back in. This is causing tension in our marriage as I am not open to letting him back in and my husband is. My stepson is an adult now 20 years old and my daughter is 16. What do you do if you can not just get the person out of your life?
My family has just experienced a sociopath. My daughter was engaged to be married and he cancelled the wedding 3 hours before the wedding. We have since found out he planned to cancel at the rehearsal to maximize the damage but thanks to a phone call his plan was discovered before he could complete his game.
My husband’s ex-wife is a sociopath. Currently we are living under the threat that she will accuse my husband of sexual abuse of one of his children. Unfortunately the child has a mental incapacity and has lived under this woman’s care for several years. She is totally brainwashed at this point and does believe he did something to her. We are avoiding her (the Ex) like the plague, but feel bad for the daughter and really need to her get away and start living her own life. At this point we’ve just stepped back. Authorities have been notified of possible abuse of her daughter – not by us, but by members of the woman’s own family. This false allegation is a real threat to us and our current family. We feel helpless.
How are you so sure is the EX-wife the sociopath and not your husband?
I have been married to a sociopath for 20 years. I stayed to protect our children, but it only made things worse. If I told the stories of daily life with this person, it would take forever and leave shock and awe. It has taken me all of this time to realize the absolute nature of the condition, and that my children and I have never been people to her. We have suffered all forms of abuse. The social and emotional fabric of our family is destroyed. My oldest is in college. Just like her mother now. My youngest is still in the house and I moved out 2 months ago into an apartment down the street. Trying to protect her and my dogs and be there with a place for my daughter to go. She doesn’t even know what’s happening to her. Filed for divorce but had to back off in the face of extreme escalation. I’m blind and live on SS. i used to be a successful business person when we met, but now I am just completely depersonalized and broken. I am trying to use strategies to protect, and build myself up with diet, exercise, spirituality and school/work. Trying to go to law school and restore my confidence and self esteem….connect with something that ties closely to the person I used to be. I am hoping to recover and rescue my daughter. The evil is insidious and relentless. It has been impossible to escape as any attempt results in escalations and physical assaults. My daughter is malnourished. i developed emotional problems a year into our marriage. All the signs were there right up front. i found out she had been in the psychiatric ward the year we met. She lived with her cousin after being released and was kicked out of her cousins home for stealing 1000s from her checking account. All she does is lie, cheat, steal, harass, insult, blame, attack and then step out of the house like mary poppins. Any attempt to hold her accountable or defend oneself brings emotional and physical hostility. The worst thing that happened to us was I built a Spanish business for her to teach in and it was a successful cash business and it brought all of her instincts to the surface even more She is capable of murder. She has assaulted me in ways that could have caused extreme injury or death many times. She has been charged with felony trespassing/assault for going into a woman’s home and attacking her over 4200 that wasn’t even due to her. i got her off the hook of course. No more. It has been groundhog day every day for 20 years….just keep repeating the same devastating behaviors over and over. It took me forever to believe this kind of insidious evil was possible. I am barely holding on to my identity, my sanity, and my emotional strength. but I’m out and moving in the right direction. I can’t go to authorities or follow through in divorce court. I’m too emotional and she’s capable of anything. I am 49 years old, blind, living alone, and have had my SS benefits extorted from me for 9 years. Even though I’m out, she has devastated me financially. i don’t even know who I am anymore. It is clear that she is very close to hitting a wall and blowing up. she responds to all challengers or victims that won’t comply with aggression, including behind the wheel. Something bad is going to happen. Given time, sooner than later, she will be detained or arrested for the Nth time and her luck is going to run out. In the meantime, my daughter and i are talking about her living with my sister while I attend law school close by….1000 miles from her mother. We tell her this and she doesn’t even care. doesn’t have any emotional impact…the idea that her daughter would live elsewhere. She is hostile to her role as a mother and wife…hates taking care of her family…resents everything about it. Cooking and cleaning are always accompanied by ongoing rants, hysterics and the harassment of all concerned. My daughter wants to go and we might be able to get away and move home where my family is. Where I can build a life for myself and my kids, where my daughter can live surrounded by a large loving family, and where I can become whole again. Pray for us.
Hello,
I’m dealing with someone who is likely to be a sociopath. I have been meet with lots of unfair treatment to include the use of past sympaties to envoke saddness in me, thus manipulating my feelings.
Almost everythng I hear is a lie, she is very quick to lie – even if it makes no sense to. She promises me things and almost always fails at the task, whether it be a simple call back or visit to a cafe.
The irony is she is attemptin to make me feel like I am the crazy one for expressing feelings like “your not opening up” or sharing your true life with me.
She expects me to accept her yet she cant tell the truth to save her life, often lies followed by more lies to the point she feels the need to prove to me the truth, and yet the supposed truth is a lie. The funny thing is she lets the truth out an hour after telling me a lie but without realizing it.
I am sure she has sociopathic tendancies and I fear I may be with a real one.
“All serial killers are sociopaths. But not all sociopaths are serial killers.” Not in the literal sense at least. They do take great pleasure in killing people emotionally though.
I have a great disgust for sociopaths because while I understand that their brains operate differently…neuroimaging has shown that that possess less grey matter in important areas like the frontal cortex…their limbic systems do not stimulate like a normal person’s…blah blah blah…they are still fully aware of their actions. They are also aware of the differences between right and wrong…they just do not care about those differences.
It is not difficult to understand a person who is truly unaware that hurting others in wrong. It is not difficult to forgive a person like that. It is another story though to try to understand someone who says, “Yes, I KNOW it is wrong to do this…I just do not care…”
My situation is complicated. I married when I was young. Eighteen years old and ended up married to a twenty six year old man. To make a long story short, Jerry lied, cheated and was abusive in every way you can think of. All of the emotional and physical abuse was manageable except he used the one thing I loved against me. He knew that my Faith in God was important to me. He made sure I paid for it by turning me into an evil entity; a Satan. Well, some time went by and my fear and pity of him was growing. I became pregnant and then things seemed to get better until he attempted to push me out of a moving car while I was six months along. Five years with a sociopath and with a child realizing for the first that He not only uses my religion against me but also my child. I decided to take our daughter to a domestic violence shelter. After this experience, I suffered a great deal of PTSD and depression; a long tough road to recovery and managing a new relationship two years after I left Jerry.
My daughter and I went through the legal system and lost with flying colors. Three years of a fighting battle in court. Jerry had a lawyer and I didn’t. I lived in a trailer getting minimum wage. He lived in a condo and was earning twenty five dollars an hour. I lost a battle to a known sociopath and he ended up with sole custody; raised my little girl and used her to get at me ever since. She is now nineteen years old and expecting her first child. She is a replica of her Father. She behaves just like him. She is just as abusive. I see her treating her boyfriend very badly. My husband and I set up boundaries around her in order to protect ourselves. She has no conscience and will step on anyone’s face to get ahead. I can say this, I would be better off without her in my life. She is that hurtful. I believe that she is a sociopath just like her father. What is devastating is that now this sociopath, who happens to be my daughter, will be the mother of my grandchildren. She has already warned me that I will only be able to see them as long as I stay a good person. I am at my wits end!
I am dealing with someone who I think has anti-social personality disorder at work. There’s been significant friction between us, which is why I am looking up this info. On it’s own, I feel that I can deal with this person and the situation. But my problem is that I feel that the ASPD sufferer has manipulated my boss into feeling empathy for her. This person essentially has my boss wrapped around their finger. So when he or she bullies me around and I stand up for myself, my boss comes down on me.
What to do to make someone, in this case my boss, realize that they’re being manipulated? How do you even have that type of a conversation with your boss to say that you’re being tricked?
I otherwise had a great relationship with my boss and was grateful to work in my boss’s team.
I was fortunate one to run into one . She played soul mate card . Showers all the attention said all the rite things we dated for a year . I le my guard down and trusted her blindly . Gave her all the love and attention but in the end it was cheating lies shameless lies . Even when caught red handed wud lie wud do drugs play victim and blames drugs
Drugs don’t make u cheat like this . I left her 4 :30 in morning and by 5 she was in bed with some one else .
Common trait she had was no guilt or remorse constant stories n lies
Cheating using people and take take take cud not even give simple pleasures
Whole relation ship was based on facad n fake lies sex attention n soul mate
I encountered a sociopath very early in life. She terrorized me into my teen years. To this day, 40 years later, I’m still dealing with the trauma. She was my step mother, and nobody believed us when we tried to tell them about her. She even abused a close friend’s baby, who was only 18 months old. The baby’s mother was one of the people who didn’t believe me.
You can’t describe the evil in a sociopath’s eyes. You have to see it for yourself. When you get that panicked sickening hollow feeling in your stomach that you cannot explain away, you’ve encountered a sociopath. It’s my opinion that it’s not a conscious that they lack, it’s a soul. And you are looking at an empty vessel.
My ex-step mother died recently, and not one of her step children went to her before her death, as she requested. Her death was an emotional high like I’ve never experience before.
RIP devil.
I’m not a professional but I think I have had two very close relationships with sociopaths. I was friends last year with a girl who was more of a narcissist, she seemed like the most amazing person at first, and then I realized she was constantly lying and if I called her out, she would just gas light me, and always lie her way out of it, turn it around on me, make it seem like there was always something crazy going on in her life and I was just dumping my drama on her, and tell me she couldnt deal with my negative energy in her life, and she made me feel CRAZY! I actually wondered if I was, because I had previously thought so much of her, and how could someone be THAT different from everything she had shown herself to be at first? It took me a long time to understand what was going on, I felt miserable, and used and confused. Thankfully, her previous victim actually approached me one day to talk to me about her (after I had broken ties with her but was still feeling dizzy about the whole thing, it was a rollercoaster of a “friendship”) and she told me her story, which was exactly the same as mine, and I was like HOLY SHIT. I’m not crazy! Thank you for telling me this! She told me she wanted to tell me before, but that someone had warned her about this girl when she was just starting to hang out with her, and she brushed them off thinking they were just jealous (because the narc girl seems like such a wonderful person, how could anyone talk badly about her?) and I realized I would have thought the same thing at first.
GLAD I had that experience and it’s over.
This year, I started dating someone I am convinced is a psychopath. He absolutely love-bombed the shit out of me. He was overboard at the beginning, winning me over, and we somehow had a ton of things in common and he would go out of his way to show me he cared. He gave me a house key the second week I started staying over, and that was one of the less extravagant things he did. He always, always had to be doing something, couldn’t live in the present moment, and it frustrated him when he couldn’t tell what I was thinking. He ALWAYS wanted to know exactly what I was thinking. Also BEST oral sex I’ve ever had, hands down. And then, he started acting… differently. I started to get this gut instinct feeling, his vibes and mine seemed disconnected, and he would win me over with flattery and easy points like doing little things for me… this isn’t the whole story, its longer and more complicated, but it blew up, and it’s basically over now, it ended pretty messily, and while I’m giving him no contact and just trying to get on with my life, I can tell that he’s not done playing with me. I still have to see him around and when he first saw me he acted like we were best friends still, over flattered me again, even tried to share food with me… which was super weird after the way he treated me in our breakup- in which he somehow made me feel like it was my fault for causing drama and problems when HE was cheating, and texting about me to his friends like a jerk who’s just getting some pussy, and I was just one of several girls (WHY go to the trouble of trying to make me feel so special when you’re clearly not interested in the monogamous relationship you made me think you were after? just casually date people and be honest!) It’s like he has an on and off switch, and he ignores me completely, then is super nice. I can never tell what he’s going to be like, and I feel like I always have to be on guard, especially since we travel in some of the same circles (can’t be helped, I kind of have to see him sometimes, unfortunately)
so our relationship is over (to me) but I do still have to see him around, and I have the feeling he will try to find another in, but I’m not playing the game. I’m trying to be uninteresting to him and hope he just loses interest and leaves me alone…
Wish me luck.
Very good read. What does a person do when your mother, father, sister were sociopaths and I survived and went on as a definite “empath” only to attract sociopathic partners, bearing 3 children who each are definite sociopaths who almost literally destroyed me. somehow I just can’t fanthom cutting my own children out of my life but realize I must. It is genetic and runs in families. It is the most debilitating of any mental illness. I plan to write a book one day to maybe help other parents trying to deal with children who are sociopathic. I figured everything out on my own through researching the internet. There is absolutely no support for parents trying to cope with sociopathic children. When I look back the signs were there as early as 4 years old. I grieved for years as if I lost my children to death. Actually with death you get closure, with this illness there is never closure.
I started to attend college recently, and within the first week a seemingly sweet girl wooed me. We were fine for two weeks, but something seemed to change. What was a budding relationship became me chasing her essentially, and I didn’t understand why. She began to ignore me in class and over text, and soon it seemed that my care for her was just a game. I had noticed small things before, yet now it looks like all of this points to one thing. Most likely a sociopath, a cold-hearted, manipulative person, she began to make these rumors about me. Her friends can see that she is just finding a muse in hurting me, but I will not fall for this sick game she wishes too play. She will loose her muse, try to get it back, and it will not work. Because I have realized her disorder, yet she will just prey on vulnerable nice guys such as myself.
A woman in my company, recently promoted to upper management. She once made a plan with other staff, for her team to express their issues confidentially. She then found out, by what they had said when expressing these issues, who had made the comments and victimised them, betraying their trust.She has managed for years by threatening to fire her staff. She says outrageous insulting things to individuals in private. If she finds out something a staff member enjoys she makes changes so they cannot do the thing they enjoy.The list is endless. Her team does not perform and every other team that needs their services knows this. Every person with any spirit or drive has left her team, however upper management values her enough to have promoted her repeatedly.
I am fighting a sociopathic sibling in three lawsuits. He and a younger brother have stolen money from our parents and are using a business the three of us own to support their own personal lifestyle.
Is it possible for the younger brother to have been “turned into” a sociopath by the older brother? The younger one used my parents trust in him to talk them into signing documents whereby they were defrauded of millions of dollars.
My oldest daughter is a sociopath, why do I say this, she does everything that you have said and more. She has had a son, who was born premature and drugs were found in the baby’s system. She lied her way out of it. She uses her Crohn’s to get away with so much, she lies about everything, she has accused the baby’s daddy of abuse and now he has to take it to court to prove his innocence. She makes up things and says now who is the child molester now? She wants to be in control all and everyone that she comes into contact with. I am her mother and cant stand being any where around her she is using drugs, she has moved around 15 times since the baby has been born, and nothing we can prove. the system doesn’ t see what she is doing. The baby’s daddy’s lawyer knows that she is a sociopath, and that she is nuts. But how can we get that baby away from her, she says that he is her baby, no one helped her get her pregnant. she is always right, she is never wrong she doesn’t have any mental issues, she is all about herself. I am helping the dad get custody of this child before she does something really crazy, but the courts have appointed a guardian for the child, and guess what she got to that lawyer first and didn’t even give the dad a chance to prove his side. Help if there is something we can do please let me know we are about at our wits end. We are trying to protect the child which she plays him as a pawn to get her way
My granddaughter is one. It breaks my heart.
My ex is one and he tried to tell me he was for so many years, by very kindly explaining sociopathy to me! He could always spot another sociopath within seconds. The courts have now kindly given him half custody of my children and he uses this to try to control me and them forever, on my money. I do believe – this too shall pass. 🙂 Maybe I should send him anonymous gifts of duty-free cigarettes?
I am going through a divorce from my husband who is a sociopath. He has been abusing me emotionally for years, has had a four plus year affair, neglected our two 4 and 6 year old daughters. Physical abuse of me for which he was arrested. But, now that we are getting divorced and in a trial, he is lying about all of it. He is now saying he wants custody of the children and, crying on the witness stand about how he wanted a family, but I would not forgive him regarding his affair. He makes much more money than I do. I feel I am going to be left with nothing– my girls taken from me, homeless and penniless.
Any ideas of how to deal with him??
I cannot get over how true this information is ! I have recently separated from my sociopath and it has been a bumpy ride! I know that he is not finished with me yet but I keep reading and learning more ways to protect myself and have come to understand how he actually got me to marry him. I am glad that things ended the way they did with a ” no contact order ” as this gave me a chance to get counselling and kept him away from me but he still managed to do things to hurt and upset me . He has kept my life in a turmoil and I am sure that he will be on my door step the day the order is lifted.
I really loved your article. I am a victim of a sociopath in the worst sense. 3 years ago I bought my first home after 20 years of renting. It is a stunning 1042 tudor style home in a historical neighborhood here in Dallas TX. Never did I make a bigger mistake. Within 2 weeks I became a target for my very bored, nightmare next door. They are 2 gay men and one of them became obsessed with the fact that I had purchased a home he thinks is his. At first I thought he was just being nice but then I realized he was beginning to annoy me on purpose with music blaring over the fence every single day stealing my solitude in my garden. He began becoming obsessed with what I was doing to the home and my garden, climbing the fence constantly to tell me not to plant anymore trees, not to throw this or that away in bulk trash and that I should have “asked” him first before making certain changes to the home.
I had never experienced sociopathy before so I found myself apologizing to him and just trying to get along while, at the same time, asserting my boundaries and rights as a neighbor. We live on a zero lot line so his property line is just 5 feet from the windows on the side of my home that faces his home. A total DREAM to a sociopath. It was a huge playground to him from which to use as a tool to bully and harass me. He would place unsightly objects directly in front of my Windows for weeks, pretend to be landscaping while at the same time hovering in front of my windows on the property line. To make a VERY long story short, this escalated to heights you would never imagine. I have the recourses to have been able to hire a private investigator for nearly 3 years. I went through 2 attorneys, years of drudging up trash on this loser and lots of tears, police calls and PLENTY of “passive aggressive” harassment from his end which is still continuing. We found out he conducts an illegal gay male prostitute business in the back house above his carport. We found his website where he solicits random internet weirdos to come to his address for erotic massage! During all of this time, all of our investigation, 30k worth of landscaping we planted to “abate” his bullying and years of pain an horror, we find out he and his partner are affiliated with something dangerously illegal and putting on some “front” as if to portray themselves as respectable neighbors. I was forced by my investigator to drop our law suit petition that took us 2 years to finally present. My detective quite and I am all lone now with a terribly weary spirit in a home that I have put blood sweat and tears into to make really beautiful. It’s never felt like a home to me and it looks like I may have to move again.
I will add to this story that my brother who was just 14 months younger than me died last summer in a tragic car crash and I emailed this creeps partner to tell him that we need to be left alone 100%. It never worked. The death of my brother encouraged them to harass me even more. I have lost most of my spirit, I no longer do my photography and live most of my days terribly depressed because I am the target of a filthy sociopath’s obsessive attention right next door. Lastly he has a “mirrored” window from which he can stare down into my garden and I never know if he is watching.
Your article was very comforting to me. I am finally letting go enough to think that maybe I should just sell and finally give up. I need to start my life over. This horrid human being has ruined my life and there are no words to describe what it feels like to actually be in the shoes of a victim of any sociopath.
I had a neighbor like yours. Only he used herbicides and pesticides to destroy my garden and cause me to suffer horrible reactions. He knew that it would harm me because I made the mistake of requesting at a meeting with the HOA to give me notice when the gardener would spray, as I had been hospitalized as a result of a tree being sprayed. This went on for nearly 7 years, and I had to move. Hospitalized, slandered, property vandalized, virtually nothing the police could do. A few years went by… his friends are back following in his evil footsteps. He committed suicide a year after I moved.
I have encountered a sociopath. I didn’t know it at the time. I was young when I met him. He was what I would describe as the strong, but silent-type, brooding and mysterious, which of course, only lend to his appeal. He didn’t speak much, but would always be somewhat intimidating toward me. For instance, he would startle me-often or get real close to my face. it wasn’t til years later that I had run into him again. It was wonderful at first. He was so loving and caring and sweet. I thought to myself that I must have died and gone to heaven! It was whirlwind of attention and incredible sex, despite the fact he was not even close to possessing a physique that was grossly overweight. After about a two month period is when I noticed a shift. He became decidedly mean and cantankerous. Always putting me down and pointing out my flaws. I started to second guess myself. Was I really that selfish? Was I really so self-centered? I had never heard myself described myself that way. I had always thought of myself as easygoing and open minded and nonjudgmental. It is what my other friends would say about me, although I know I am not perfect by any means. It was then that I had started to research personality disorders. This is a long story that has continued for almost 10 years now….there is so much I can go in to detail about…such atrocious things that you would never believe another person is capable of, but I doubt there is room here…I feel like I am out of the woods and okay, but I still have lingering feelings of hatred, a need to seek revenge and then at the same time, sadness, pity and love. It is an experience I wish I could erase from my mind forever but it has also taught me so much about myself.
I had a relationship with a sociopath/psychopath in the past year. In recent research they are separating the difference between the 2 terms. The distinction I have read is that a psychopath crosses the line into criminal events. I would like to know your opinion of this. Your description fits him, perfectly! My “psychopath” has been arrested and put in jail and has recently plead guily to an Assault 4 Domestic Violence charge against me and is currently on a 2 year probation with no contact. Unfortunately, this person also has a physical disability; he has one arm which is a tool he uses to create pity on himself. It’s disturbing to see him moving on to his next victim. I do believe he will repeat his behavior again and again and there is nothing that can be done to prevent it.
A poem about female cluster B. Hi i am Michelle k}#% I fantasize I’m a powerful witch. But really deep within im just a chicken shit sick little bitch . But thats only a minor glitch as you will see ! I am the self made consummate victim I loath myself so all must pay ! I feel so empty but yet full of hate I am just an empty shell but will tell you I’m great . I lie I cheat and steal with the greatest of ease like a slimy eel . if your my mate you will ask far too much of my arrested child like state . you must be a fool if you think you are of any use to me other than a tool . ill pry and manipulate my way into your heart and suck your soul dry for i have not one myself and ill blame you for all my evil ways it will always be you ! never me . If you ever see behind my mask of sanity then watch out you should not have done that ! and how dare you try and call me on my bullshit I will act so in dignified like a rat at the drop of a hat and go into the wildest rage , even tho I just turned some trixxxs to get my fix I will try and destroy you and stab in the back then paint you black never to your face , well sometimes in a psychotic rage while professing I’ve turned a new page ! Know one is safe not even my son . I’m such a disgrace ! I would run us into a pole so we could always be together as apposed to see him happy and doing well away from my evil toxic spell ( what is that not a good Christmas tidings ? It shows my devout love ) Im so sick you can’t even imagine , You measly mortals ! Projection and deflection is all part of my game while I’m dolling out fear blame and shame . I pretend to be human through mimicry and trickery I fake i have true emotion but that always turns into a full blown commotion I can turn on a tear although not sincere and make you go ”
Awwhh dear ” and as quick as it will appear I will be at the helm ready to steer. And if I feel your not quite convinced I can even make my lips quiver and that should surely send a shiver down your spine and to your core but i have no worries I’ve done this many a time before and ill laugh cause you’ve just been had ! and ill even throw in a sniffle at just the right time , that took some effort and a while to learn cause i sniffle a lot and its not from snot its for another reason that i get from pleasin and it gives me a bit of a burn but thats not of consequence cause it gets me so hot and ready to trot and on my game ! Thank you ,thank you I would like to thank the academy , Me Myself and I For this oscar for best drama queen of this century I have no real talent but that I can disguise because I know how to use guys , a con you may say that’s right you are all just my prey I pretend to be sorry and sincere but really it all has to be all about me . If I say I give you my love you better hope you wore a glove ! Ill tell you I’m Heathy even tho Im not but who cares its your problem now ! i deceived you its your fault you stupidly believed me . I think I’m so smart but Really I’m just a bitter stupid tart , a narcissistic sociopath abomination you could say ! but its your fault I warned you all with my shitty ways and power plays , but i convinced you wanted to play . I am a cold blooded reptile a chameleon with worst poisons and venom than a snake and when I bite my victims will go into shock and never have suspected it, cause I was sucking their cock the ultimate predator I am ! As miss Jekyll I Hyde and rage like rabbid animal that should be locked in cage Maximum security for all of eternity Its the only thing really safe for the rest of humanity . I want to die but i don’t have the guts so instead I kick everyone down and in the nuts ! I know I am hated for the evil I’ve done
i feel their ghosts expecting a reckoning and waiting in the dark patiently and it will come for sure cause for me there is no cure .’ so I cry wolf when none are aroun to stupid to understand I look like the clown ! I know its really sick but it usually does the trick Blame blame blame I’m just the poor psychopath who else can I blame and try and shame ! I love causing people pain it’s always to my gain and gives me the power to feel sane .To keep off your back cut me some slack to consume some crack and ease my hidden pain remember I have other pawns to please to keep them on their
knees it’s all about keepin control as I’m puffin from my bowl knowin just the right amount of my minimal self to dole out to keep them in control and attract is a fine balancing act all tried true cause it will work on you too Hehe . You really should at all cost refrain from trying
To peek inside my brain that will only be the binging of your pain and launch another covert attack behind your back that i have been doing all along, basically since We first met , I mix it with some glee so it makes it hard to see ! Do you believe in monsters ? I’m here to tell you yes they are real And you better believe I am the real deal and if you doubt it you will see and be my next meal So please buy my crap so I can spring my trap And if you treat me like gold i will know you are primed for my scold I can spin a web lies and deceit thicker and quicker than cotton candy at a fair to keep you off your feet And feeling total despair For I am a queen with a scheme a virus a prioress a purveyor of all that’s unhealthy darkness and doom so lets go spoon that will make it all seem alright for its your nite to Be with me Ill throw you a small bone slink off of my throne and into my true position of power so I can easily and totally devour your soul hehe . you can never win so just except the spin
I will tell you I’m your baby doll while in the same breath setting you up for a fall . I am vulgar crude rude and vile what else would you expect from satans child . Its not that I’m real good looking or have great cooking its a smoke and mirrors illusion that I believe you will need to feed so with a sleazy smile a twitch of my lips a wiggle of my hips that sometimes will beguile at least for a little while and a promise of pleasure look is usually all it took to sink my talons and hook. I am a seething fire breathing modern day Jezebel straight out of hell . I will not appreciate you any more if you do any nice or just try to suffice or help me out of a jam cause watch out BAM I will devalue , discard your efforts behind your back and even right to your face you’ll reel from that attack , for how can play the victim if i showed some grace , but ill keep it all just the same cause you are to blame
I have never taken any responsibility for that would add legitimacy to all of this . Have ever seen a three dollar bill ? Yes a phoney that’s me but ill trade you one for a chonie . Ill never let you relax as you will always feel me trying to cover my tracks its really quite plain it’s all part of the game to make us the same insane and if you try and escape my metal rape then will begin my campaign of smear , I’ve loaded the deck and cast my toxic spell you’ll be lucky if you can murmur ”
What the hell ” watch out for my pit I am A fem fatale or of that kind of sort as history calls it , Its really just for sport a game to cause pain . I will threaten you with legions that i do not have ! really I’m an army of none it’s all just fluff and a bluff I have no friends cause I’ve fucked them all over and who needs them any way they just piss me off and are a nuance with their whining and wants . And if i sense you are getting wise and have allies that will listen and advise rest assured I will stir up some shit and sever those ties in a web with plenty of lies i will have got to them long before you with your S.O.S call in distress Dint you know a apex predator always separates its prey from the rest of the flock ? And I am the master and I’m in it to win it ! and you’ve never dealt with any thing quite as special cold and bold and as evil as me it will be so astonishingly hard to believe and fathom the depths of my trickery you’ll see hehe. If have my way and don’t get caught ill make it so you are never heard from again washed away like a turd in a swamp I’ve done it before But shush that’s another real big secret hehe . I do have fears cause over the years my looks have defiantly diminished can I still hunt with only a cunt ? thats all i can offer , only druggies ,boozers and losers might bite not much to profer ,much like Charlotte I sit in my web a bed And will just fade away while playing the perfect harlot. I pray but to who I’ve play both sides so who will listen now I’ve sold my soul And now I’m nothing but a pathetic ugly little troll . I hope its all not finished . Ive wasted my life but have pasted that price on all of you. Well enough about me thats part of the list you get the jyst and some of you have already figured it out it pegs me to a tee , a parasite a tick a flea a vamp a tramp on a uncontrolled feeding spree of the backs of society much like a scabie a cancer a blight you cant really fight or see and if your smart you’ll be on the next flight away from me and my plight of toxicity and free. ! thank heaven I’m somewhat of rare anomaly. And when you emerge from the fog ill have you so exhausted and cut down ,shell shocked like a log from all the toxicity . ill say ha ha honey wasn’t that funny it made me laugh to see and inflict you with pain do you want to play again ? Its all part of a riddle a dilution designed to cause confusion that will have you stuck in the middle somewhere between tomorrow and yesterday thats why i do it and i know you will still want to screw it all the while thinking I’m capable of change if you just give more chasing that elusive pie in the sky that does exist within me but occasionally ill show you a glimpse at the right Time all nice with a shine You poor thing you must so tired an weary for a second ill pretend to care and from this point on it will get quite scary opportunistic and terroristic I have you hooked hehe . so tell me a only little about you , cause i don’t really care its only about warfare , its all i will need so i can plant my seed. My greatest fear and need is to hide and not be discovered for then how would i feed if they ever recovered . But i like attention its part of my plea but that draws attention kinda a paradox you will see What can I do but sit in fear when the end draws near this is my big secret not yours Everything is mine and i want to take to my grave and if you have put it all together and have gotten away i will still say good luck finding someone that can love you like and as much as me good lord you could only fucking hope not even tho we are somewhat rare. please don’t tell anyone cause I need to feed ! and i already know I’m in for some real hot and Nasty weather I’m so sad and empty , God , lucifer is there anybody out there for me. NO But you will see rest assured it will not be full of glee the end
This is a really good post. (And, explains my ex perfectly). I’d say you could publish it or make it into a book?! (It’s really that good and helpful! Thank you 🙂
So what you are saying in this message your conveying is that sociopaths are bright unless they are asked to write? Everything you are describing is pretty much dead on about a sociopath, but I have NEVER met any of them that had any book smarts. Is this because they fake their way through school?
I work with a young lady like this. She was promoted despite the aforementioned characteristics. At first I was the only one that noticed her behavior because I worked the closest to her. Now others see the sociopathic tendencies but no one in a position of authority. Our team is coping with it in different ways. I have reached out to HR because of the abuse that I have personally endured working with this person but they have minimized my very real accusations and excused her. Everyone in authority is under her spell and convinced she is a prized employee simply experiencing the jealousy of people around her. They have no idea exactly what they have added power to and my last resort is filing a discrimination claim or seeking legal counsel. I have fought at every point yet I am unsupported by authority. Some say leave, but what is the point of leaving if 1/25 people are sociopaths? When I interview, shall I ask have you employed any sociopaths that I will need to work with? No, that’s not how life works, granted if I felt fearful for my life, and at one point I momentarily felt uneasy about my physical safety, I would definitely without question pursue legal action and resign. But to me, it is more valuable to acquire skill and practice with being in control with people like this. Since we don’t hospitalize all sociopaths, it is important to learn and become wise in how to live a good life despite these people. This is my vindication!
I am in the exact same situation. I have chosen to look for another job but like you’ve said 1/25 is a large statistic, therefore I am learning coping skills in case I encounter another Sociopath of this caliber.
I would be interested to know how your situation worked out.
I am exiting a 16 year marriage with a full-blown sociopath. In fact, I’m not sure if I will reach the exit. My ship has wrecked, but I’m alive. I saved my life and my daughter’s life. We have ourselves and our 2 dogs. We lost the trust with every neighbor, friend, family friend, and family members, with the exception of a few family members thanks to the charm and professional acting skills of a sociopath. All I can do is save money to pay for the attorneys that were never necessary in a normal breakup I live in constant of fear of what his next calculation will be. The stories are unbelievable because there’s not too many people that can actually believe humans can behave the way a sociopath does. I searched for answers for years knowing that something was wrong. For anyone else reading this, the big red flag indicator is the deep seeded underlying rage. It will never leave and their rage is with them to stay.
I agree that their cruelty and selfishness eventually catches up with them and they get a bad reputation. I think also when their looks and youth fade their power does as well. Sociopathy is a young persons game in a way and doesn’t work so well in middle age and beyond and more and more people compare notes and the vision of themselves doesn’t square up with their treatment of people. In their prime they do the most damage effortlessly. I notice they tend to associate with eachother in packs as well with a few liyal lackies that are just happy to have someone to hang out with and call a friend. I think the best way to live your life is to build your own family unit. Sociopaths usually are a total failure at that.
I encountered one and knew something was wrong. He used people around me to persuade me to let him. I kept pushing him away till it was too late. I trusted him one night and he took the only chance he had and sexually took advantage of me. I felt as I was his submissive child as I sat there waiting for him to be ready to sexually take advantage of me again. I still tried to stay away from him but felt submissive. I after just 3 weeks of knowing him began to talk back and question him and didn’t care what he had to say. He would get angry and then give me “The silent treatment.” 2 weeks later I supposedly did something and he was gone. It took me 2 months to figure out what had happened. I kept talking about it with friends and family and they all thought I WENT CRAZY!!! I knew I was not and seemed out professional help. To my shocking surprise my therapist sucked and I still felt it was me . I seeked out another Therapist and he knew everything I was saying was text book SOCIOPATH!!!!!! I could finally work toward healing after I cried for an hour uncontroablly I called him and told hm what I thought of him and I knew what he was. He denied it and teased me and tried to intrigue me. He also threatened me with killing me if I said anything. I loved, bought another car, changed jobs and pray to GOD that he doesn’t find me again. He has sent his soldiers (friends who think it’s me being crazy) to find things out about me. I guess to check if I would tell anyone about him. I did and I pray it doesn’t haunt me. I stay low key and my life is so private now. I live in the same city and don’t go out and enjoy the things i did previously. Life after a sociopath is never and will never be the same again. I find it hard to smile sometimes as to display vulnerability. 6 weeks is all I had with this man. But he left me with a lifetime of fear. May God bless all who are barely ready and researching sociopaths. My journey has all been within the past months and I pray I shall never encounter one again. If I do I am better equipped to recognize the signs and trust my gut and nothing anyone else has to say.
I bought the book you referenced above because I just learned I married a sociopath. We were not even married 2 months before it came out that he was living a double life. He had secrets a plenty and I had been manipulated into carrying on a relationship with this person. He had even convinced family members to keep his secrets.
As I was reading this book, as quickly as possible, I realized how closely it described him and his relationships. Everything described in the book was true to me and my situation. I just wish I could spread this word like wildfire because it would save so many people from getting caught up with people like this.
Hi,
THANK YOU VERY MUCH for your research and article. My story is long yet I’ll make it short. My sociopath EX-BF was introduced to me by a former friend who wanted me to do her a favor. This guy was in prison! An inmate with a very high IQ. He studied law and claims to have a photographic memory. This “S” did a legal favor for the girls friend & wanted to know if she could put $ in his account. He said, “NO” but I will be leaving soon & really would like a pen pal. Someone who will enjoy conversing, letting me know someone on the outside. Well, I love to write & took my friend’s word this guy was on the up and up. From what I was told, he was a good guy put into prison under false name, etc. I trusted the ex friend. Found out that she told the inmate, that I am the sweetest & most caring person walking & if he ever did anything to me to hurt in anyway that she’d personally kill him! Her words. His response was he’d be a ‘perfect gentleman’ to me. I was never scared & NEVER thought we’d get past writing. Figured what harm and again, never thought I’d meet him in person. The guy fits not one but EVERY description of a narcissistic sociopaths. He sucked me in with the wooing and charming and charisma & all the while his vile manipulation almost bankrupted me not to mention shatter my heart, spirit…but not my soul. See, he was an inmate. He was not even there under his correct name or social security #. He sent me most of his court/legal papers. He did build himself as “special.” He knew I am spiritual & could quote from every religious book i.e., Bible, Talmud, Koran, etc. The red flags were there almost at the beginning but he quickly even charmed me after our first telephone altercation. He said over and over that God built US for US. Always that I was God sent to him. So many times, after he’d call & verbally abuse me, he’d call right back crying asking for forgivness. That his parents beat him, they were awful to one another, etc. I felt his pain. Basically, most of the two years he was in prison, he had me “take care of him.” Many times I told him I cannot “do US” anymore. At first, because I’d rather run away or take the blame, I’d tell him that his circumstances have made him that way but it’s really not him. Later, I knew in my “gut” he was with emotional illness but he begged of me to go to counselling with him once he’s released. He always, always told me I was his girl. His soulmate. He wanted to marry me. Have his baby. I saw a pattern with him. After he would talk to his father on the phone MOST of the time, he’d call me and end up verbally abusing me. Then, his father would mostly break his promise to go to visit and then not show up. I’d either get a verbal or written attack OR I would be his best friend & he’d be verbally abusive about his Father. He never had a good relationship w/his Mother & his excuse was she didn’t like that after divorce he loved his Father so much he lived with his Dad!!! I often said I felt he kept me separted from his family. He would make excuses. It was not until after he was released & went to be with his Father vs coming to me (as promised) I really had red flags. I found out he immediately contacted his last girlfriend that he said ratted him out & was BIG instrumental of getting him in the prison. He didn’t talk of her often but did tell me she immediately got another boyfriend & all the while they were together, he found out she was with both men & women. That he phoned her very soon after incarceration, heard a man’s voice & he freaked. They never talked since. However, she was the first he contacted via FB over myself. He talked his way out of that one…so he thought. He ended coming to visit for 15 days. The sex was immediate and the worst EVER!!! He was rough, fast and selfish…but he looked in my eyes telling me how in love he was with me. I let it slide because of him being 10 yrs in prison. We spent a lot of alone time together. We did laugh & he was spontaneous but all the “paranoia” red flags (that I tried to ignore) chalked up to his long prison sentence. He told me prior he wanted just US as much as possible. He needed to purge and needed peace. In every aspect, we got along except the sex was AWFUL. Very rough, quick & other than him looking into my soul declaring his love…well, just wasn’t there. Also, some weird things, like he didn’t want a tour of my home. He didn’t say one word about the pictures of US (from my prison) visits. He didn’t say a word about the 10 or so paintings he had done for my by an artist inmate. At the time the paintings sent, he knew that I spent a lot of time and money having them framed. What he wrote on the back of each painting were the most beautiful words ever said to me. He didn’t so interest in meeting my neighbors yet he knew we were a close group. Again, I respected him. I let him sleep in as he never slept on bed in 11 yrs…to include at his fathers home. He talked all the time of how much $$ he will get for being false imprisioned. Much of what he stated, I researched and he was right. However, each deadline beit going to an atty or even the FBI, there was some other legality that he’d come up with. It was after he left my home to go to his father’s (out of state) that all came shattering down. His calls to me which were once all the time for hours on end came to a trickle. See, prior to him coming, I paid for MOST of his food, paid for past tickets, his driver’s lisc and the big one, bought him transportation. ALL because he’d cry & be destitute and say he need all this for US…for our life together. He always talked of giving me a trust for being the Godsent goodness. All while he made me feel such sorry for him. I talked to his father a few times and the man is an ASSSSSSSS!!!! I was told the father didn’t like me. No reason but my EX would play us and I see that now. I also see that his father is a sociopath & thus beat his Ex-wife (my Ex’s Mother). He beat my EX as a child to the point of throwing him through a wall a few times. All of this was so crazy but I was as he says, “inextricably intertwined” US FOREVER! It was always helping him so he could be totally free for OUR LIFE together. One morning, I woke to find he set up another social media under a false name. He had one “friend” on it and it was a beautiful girl! I phoned him immediate. NO answer (unusual) none until late that day . When he answered, he was MEAN & almost bragging that HE and HIS FATHER were together. He made an excuse of playing video game & the girl friended him. I was HURT and LIVID as I knew he was lying. From then on, more lies. I consulted not one but two psychics. I was sick!!! They told me he was lying and lies like a dog. BOTH said that he was beaten & sexaully abused by his father in early life & one was CERTAIN this dude and his Father resumed SEXUAL realtions. The dude cheated on me with both men and women. I still felt pitty for him as I did not research sociopaths at that point. We had some contact & then I told him everything except the sex between he & his father. He NEVER denied any of it but said I just don’t know what he’s living in the HELL household. His stepMother and father fight all the time. One excuse after the other. My next call was his probation officer. She was limited but did elude he tried to come to me first but legally he had to go to family. I contacted one of his former inmates & boy, learned a lot. The dude was always with the boasting, had to be #1, would charm ’em all but they said ex changed when I came into the picture & he changed bad. This other inmate told me they all got to HATE my ex as they would hear him on the phone with me…screaming. A lot was told to me & then I took a deep breath & called his brother. The normal one of family. Very educated & excellent corporate person. He was very receptive & told me “he doesn’t know what the heck goes one between the dad & brother but it’s weird & he has basically NO CONTACT with them. He said all the other family has long since stopped communicating w/him as he was running them in poor house & would have anger, etc. He said the brother first used his name and SS# under his first arrest. The ‘good’ brother was mortified & it took a lot to clear his good name. My ex was in prison the last time under his infant brother’s name. The infant brother was born late ’70s and only lived a few days. How the legal system could make such an error might get my ex some $$$ but in the mean time I’ve had to heal my heart & at this point, not sure how to recoup the MASS amount of financial ruin. Have consulted Dist State atty and a few others. They all say I have civil case & State Atty did say the FBOP system may be held accountable as they allowed or did nothing to stop this dude (or others) of illegally asking for $ through phones and/or USMail. I do not have the $ to get detainer for atty & I am NOT afraid of this dude NOR his Father and all the “people” they know…that the EX has threaten. At a standstill because I have a 17 year old daughter and two older sons. I put NOTHING past this ex or his father. My stance is I worked my fingers to the bone for all I have-ON MY OWN…for him to STEAL it from me under FRAUD is not only morally wrong…but legally wrong. This is where I need help. The last phone conversation I had with him was me calling once again to have him start paying me back for the motorcycle & things HE PROMISED was for US and our LIFE….well, he ignored all except when I said I’d let his CEO of company he works know EVERYTHING. He called with sob story telling me, “let it all heal….” A few wks later, when I found out he makes more than I, I called he did pick up the phone & acted like a child…only saying, “HELLO! HELLO! and then an eery laugh.” I hung up. Of course there’s a lot more as our relationship lasted 3 years. Since I’ve studied much on sociopaths. There HAS to be something put in place LEGALLY for the victims. Please help if you can. Thank you so much for your time. By the way, my name listed is not real…email is but PLEASE DO NOT POST.
Im now very certain that I am living with a Narcissist/Sociopath…with a strange twist…It is my husband. We were married for 24 years, divorced for 6, and remarried for 3. (long story) I am in an utterly miserable predicament and there seems no way out. I didn’t see it until far to late.
I was blindsided with deception, (Im generally not this stupid) and I felt for years that it could not possible be him causing all of the trouble, so it had to be me. One day I woke up, and I was horrified. He has many, many things about him that fit a Narcissistic/Sociopathic personality, but some does not fit, and he exhibit characteristics in what I call a”twist”, that I don’t recall being mentioned anywhere.
I am still somewhat confused however, and feel like maybe I am the crazy one sometimes. I know that I cannot tolerate the situation much longer. Is there anyone that I can talk to about this to help me get my bearings? A question that I have is: Does a Narcissist/Sociopath have a sick need for punishment a lot of the time, do what he knows will cause an argument, then sit back and “SAVOR” the forthcoming verbal tirade as if he’s taking a first hit on a crack pipe? am I making any sense? after he gets me riled up, and I begin to let him have it, He literally sits back, closes his eyes, and inhales deeply like he’s experiencing some sick pleasure.
The more I do realize about him, the less I allow myself to get pulled into arguments that seems to “feed’ him somehow. It is just so hard to control my negative feelings towards him. after 32 years of misery, and I have little tolerance. Can someone help me? Thanks.
It’s been nearly 4 1/2 years since you wrote this… I pray you have broke free. You are not crazy, you just described the fuel the narcissist seeks (aka, narcissist fuel); all the while playing the “crazy making” game. Your rather brief post points to all this and more.
The resemblance to my situation with my sociopath is uncanny. He will lie, press my buttons and then sit back and watch me emotionless. He will look somewhat uncomfortable at times, except for the times that I want to hit him so badly, I damage property. Then I will catch him cracking a devious smile. He will withhold sex to watch me cry myself into what he calls a “stupor.” He insists that he is doing all this while being completely unaware he is the cause of the conflict. I am a mental health professional, and before his mother passed away, I heard her berate him horribly. I imagine if sociopathic individuals are truly emotionless, pain would feel good to them because they feel a small twinge of something for just a brief moment. I would compare this to patients I have worked with that cut themselves. The only emotion I have seen him display in full force is anger. When my bf cries it is only for a few moments and then he is off to the bathroom to make sure his face looks ok. He is vain, and spends a insane amount of time in the mirror. He has never laid a hand on me unless I strike first. So to answer your question Maddie I think absolutely a sociopath can be a misogynist. Another interesting feature of this disorder is extreme OCD and anxiety. Please someone comment on why he would have such a need for control and then like for me to inflict pain on him.
I have worked directly FOR two individuals I would guess are either sociopaths or narcissistic defined people–I am not a psychologist or credentialed mental health individual. The second individual, the head of the division I worked in, began a campaign with me stating that although my work was exemplary, exceptional even, in program management and advances, the “appearance of my face” was of concern,during what I would call, and yes I am being a bit dramatic here, ‘office interrogations.’ . Accused of having a “stern countenance” and of “striding instead of walking” and “does not give the appearance of a caring person.” Another accusation is that I “broke off a work friendship without an explanation.” I was eventually called into a meeting of three individuals and told that I was a risk to colleagues and sent home on administrative leave until examined by a state sponsored psychiatrist. Denied access to counsel, no access to advice or a witness, no evidence or citation of any incident, no right to independent opinion or opinions. Finally a lawyer and legal scholar negotiated a retirement for me. The lawyer told me, “I have seen this before, if you appeal they will flood you with paper, get continuances and postponements until you are financially exhausted.” A psychiatric examination becomes part of your permanent medical record whether the contents are ever revealed or not and regardless of the outcome of the examination. And please do not say EOE or ACLU or legal recourse, it is not going to happen. I believe the turnover in the division, from my experience, was based on this individual’s ability to filter for profiles in individuals they can manipulate or think initially they can manipulate. Look for another job? Wow, did I work at finding another job. I tried for two years applying for other jobs, however, being older, and seeking employment during a time when the market was in a surfeit of able folk, did not manage to get out in time. And, here is a good part, much of the accusations in writing. Yes, how bold is that? How did I challenge this supervisor? An example is: I notified her that an employee I supervised was taking home medical reports from hospitals to use for teleworking and that would be in violation of HIPAA. I offered the employee a number of other options for projects to take home for teleworking. The employee was distraught about the change in home work options and immediately sought relief from my boss. Another time, I offered a detail report on releasing an individual from employment during probation after an initial 30 day approval because of completing a training schedule, to then find out his resume/CV was in some respects inaccurate and was unable to perform the many of the tasks in designated in the job description for an existing program. My recommendation was made after having other individuals work with him and confirm my experiences. My boss personally hired him over my selection of another candidate. LESSON: Never, never disagree or offer another opinion to a what I suspect (now) is a sociopath or narcissist. Incredibly I was informed the intended result was not for me to leave ultimately. May be true, may be not. Last, my previous experience might never have happened if followed the so-called gut response. My gut was screaming no, no, no, after two interviews and the job offered. But I said yes when offered the position.. I thought I could manage the situation. Found out when leaving after six months in a defensive back out, I was number four in the position during about approximately 18 months. Two previous individuals in the same position called me and our stories of our experiences matched closely. And you know what? I could easily walk into such a situation again including social situations–which have their own brand of hell. Never underestimate the power of the mask. And, these individuals as a head, or in a leader positions, in organizations, may have their “flying monkey soldiers” (could not resist the analogy) or employees that have found a niche. Try to do research, beat the drums, find out what you can, particularly who was there before. Do not be too eager to close the sale, when presenting yourself at the interview, of course sell your skills, knowledges and abilities, keep in mind what the job has to offer you. Take close note of what is around you at the interview. Sometimes the job you do not get is a bullet missed. Some of the rules for a personality disorder of these types I have read are to never give bad news, never disagree, remember, you will never regret what you do not say, and make you job getting another job. The conundrum is if you do not say or do something to meet or improve standards or quality or ethics of the job you might be OK in avoiding bad attention, but if a problem arises you will be held accountable and take the weight. Let me end by saying the experiences outlined above is devastating, confounding, and affects nearly all parts of your life, the experience can be a tsumai emotionally, physically, and cognitively, because nothing computes. How to fathom this stuff?
I work with this person. I must be the only one who has her pegged but I’ve been questioning my sanity lately due to this toxic person and began doing some research and then found you. I truly thought I was crazy and I have NO idea why no one else can see what I see. This person has tried all of the above tricks on me and I have remain un affected (at least I hide it well) but has also since climbed the corporate ladder to the top and it makes me sick. Sigh. I might have to move on. I can NOT work under this person.
Wow. This was a great article. I am working with one now. He sits an arm length away for almost a year and realizing now he is a sociopath. I am more anxious, c r anky losimg sleep over it. We are startinG a plan to get him fired buT it might kill me if it goeson too long .
I’ve experienced sociopaths in every job I’ve ever had, in every school I’ve gone to, and most recently in a high university that fabricated a story against me, accused me of fabrication and now has threatened me with an F in a particular course that I had withdrawn from only 3 weeks after the start of the semester and was passing. I also had dealings with a so-called best friend who tried to turn around everything this person did onto me. I’m tired of these people. I’m tired of being truthful and have it be hurtful and devistating in my life. If I was a liar, I’d be so much further ahead.
Let me start and tell you please excused me my grammar.
After reading this article now all makes sence to me. Thank you for opening my eyes.
We start dating 2,5 years ago we both 40. We lived together my ex bf was sweet and now I see he was just fake con artists. Always telling me how much he loves me, wanna get married and wants to have a family with me. He said he can’t imagine life without me I believed him and nothing else I was happy we found each other.! I stand by him, trust him and I helped him when he need it or when he was down. He took me to see the rings, we went to see wedding space and he told my friend mother he cant wait to marry me. He always asked me to trust him and believe him. I did….
About 1,5 year ago we start trying for a baby, I always want to have kids and I was happy my ex bf wanna too. in October 2012 I had a 5 weeks miscarriage, and we couldn’t get pregnant. Early In life I had 2 ectopic pregnancy I could not get pregnat naturally.
This year when I turned 40 I told him we are getting older and its a time to start family and have each other for good or bad times and if we don’t get help now we won’t ever have kids.
We went for IVF.
This summer we went away tropical and I double check and asked Him. does he really loves me and feels I m the one?
He said, Yes…. he loves me and can’t imagine his life without me, swearing on his mother and his nephew life’s that he wants to get married and have family and he will never hurt me!
He said He will make it right get a ring and we get married this year.
We went to the doctor sinned peppers and In June We start IVF. He was taking his medications and injecting me In the morning and in the evening with hormones in my belly.
3 days before the surgery when doctor take my eggs and make an embryo (baby) my nurse told me they can’t find my bf blood test. I knew that he went to get one 2 month ago. I was conused and knew its has to be some kind of mistake.
That morning I came home and I asked him, where is your blood test, he said he has it and will make sure he will fax it to the doctor right away as soon as he gets to the office.
4 hours later I learned he doesn’t have it and he never went for the blood test and just came home 2 month ago with a bandage in his arms, portending he did it! That was horrible lies.
Next day he told me he doesn’t wanna be a father, he knew it all along enjecting me with medications and playing his dirty game on keep lying.
After I spend so much money and injected so much hormones medicine the Halfway on ivf I was scared hurt confused and betrayed by someone I trusted, BELIEved and LOVE! That was the one most scary moments in my life I felt like an idiot stupid used garbage and alone.
I knew I am 40 and will probably never have another chance to have a baby. I had only 2 days to make a decision to choose to let him win or move and keep go on with IvF on my own , I decided to go alone and only option left to get a DONOR. That was crazy but in my heart I knew it I can do this and it was my last and only door to try to have children.
NOW I’m pregnant and I am looking forward to my baby girl and I want so much. but I’m scared feel like an idiot, thinking about MY LOVE was fraud My ex bf WAS NOT A MAN he never loved me but I do deserve the best!
I thought our feelings for eachother was real. I can’t never understand why would anybody lie this horible way.
He was free and I would never ask him for nothing he did not want it. If he would tell me he doesn’t want this I would let him go. It was all his ideas 2,5 years of empty promises of beautiful frad Love.
He decived me like I am an idiot he Didn’t have respect or heart after I was nothing but being his best friend and loving caring Parthner.
I was hurt, my LOVE and his promises were FAKE and I never deserved the truth.
I don’t understand bringing me flowers writing me love cards and kissing me every night by saying he loves me more then I will ever know.
how much he had to hate me to decided and played me like this:-(
He said he wants have a family get married and have each other forever infinity :-(((( I believed him!
Where did I go wrong by trusting this with MAN I thought is my soulmate and man who will protect me. I helped him to fix his life his practice and I was always there when he asked me to. I believed he loves me :-((
I spoke with his ex girlfriend and he was promising her the same things. So the truth is He never loved me I was just another game for him. He must lie himself everyday about everything he is. he is a doctor So u can imagine to get medical help from man like this Scary. ….
I am absolutely terrified and ANGRY!! I want kids so bad but never wanted it to happen like this, I am trying to stay as strong as possible but it is soo hard!! I so want to be a mom. I want to share my future with someone. I want to celebrate the holidays with my future children. I did not begin this journey alone, but now I am at this place through no choice of my own. My single by choice is not really my choice.
I am glad I did not let to win a loser sociopath and moved on! Now more and more I am thinking how lucky is my baby will not have this incense man in our lives. Maybe God doesn’t make a mistake.
I believe my husband is.
I have encountered a sociopath in my church. I made the mistake of also moving in with her, at her begging request for a need of a roommate. Since she is a high ranking senior person in the temple/organization, I did not have any immediate suspicions to doubt her sincerity. I was wrong! I stayed with her for two months and during that short time frame, I feel that my whole being was sweetly under attack, only I could not for the life of me figure out what I had done to deserve it. Ive since moved out from her place and still attending church, but her wrath against me prevails. Even though I try to stay clear of her path, she seems to find one that leads to me, whether it be her control over other members of the church, or finding an excuse to approach me, forcing an interaction with her. She’s not necessarily mean outright, but I feel that she is aiming to destroy my reputation, and propel my existence out from the church. I do not want to feign defeat, which is the only reason Im still hanging on to any self respect I have when I show my face to church, but it is hard.
In my dealings with her I have learned that she does not have any real feelings of empathy for anyone except for herself. But her crocodile tears come easily when appropriate. She has a power, an influence over weaker minded people. She is in a high ranking position, and she knows how to present herself in a professional manner in the toughest situations, and speaks to win over anyone who listens.
But I can see through it. I view her as very insecure, and her anger has roots in deep seated hatred. She functions in an environment where there are strict rules of conduct and respect, yet she lives and believes in none of them, yet she gets away with it.
Sometimes I wish I had her cunning. Because I don’t want to be thrown out of the church, I want to stay too. I admit, I don’t know how to deal with her, or win through this.
Even when I see her, I can’t restrain myself from smiling and saying hello when she walks in the room and greets me, because I am afraid of disrespecting her to her face. Or mabe its just because I don’t know if that will have an effect on her at all or is it because Im just plain confused about my stance?
If I showed my true feelings and gave her a stern look, while all the while saying no,no to her sweet pleas for favors will it enrage her into attacking me even harder?
She already has everyone in church convinced that I am the devil.
Any advice greatly appreciated!
I wish someone could have warned me. Eight year not understanding what the nightmare and how someone could want to perpetually want to destroy my life and now I’m hopeless and trapped.
I just walked away from a four and half year relationship with a sociopath. It would take me all night to detail out the chaos he inserted into my life. In the end as a means to inflict as much pain as he could he told me ” you never should have met me” I lied to you from day one in order to use you for whatever I wanted!
One day while in a argument, while i was laying on the bed on my back he jumped on top of me and repeatedly told me to “die, just die, kill yourself”
Knowing my father had killed himself when I was twenty five years old.
I am shocked. My current bf has all the above. It’s amazing. Everything was a lie. And my hurt feelings were replaced with shoes, money, etc. I remember when we first started dating we were talking and I said no. I don’t remember what he asked but he turned and looked at me and said “what? don’t say that, I don’t like the word no.”, with a squint in his eye(colored eyes). He then slouched over a little and laughed with a big (NICE) smile. I thought he was just being “cute”. Now I know he was serious. He will NOT take no for an answer. Ever. !
I am just now in the beginning of the end of this horrific experience. I dont know where to begin. I am suspicious of everything. I didn’t want to leave my emails
I dated asocipath for 8 months, after a few months, little things did not add up, I could never put my finger on it, I suspected him lying, I was correct. I can’t even express the confussion II felt durring the whhole relationship? and even afterwards, even now. Why I kept forgiving him, why I pittied him why I took him back? in the end he ran off with another woman. What was that? what happened? there were so many kinds of abuse I put up with that I never would have in the past…its devistating
I know the feeling. I’ve been there. He just showed me how much I meant to him. But in less than a week, 2days to be exact, he started to win over his ex and proposed as if I never existed. Sadly, this was not the first time that he’s done it. What’s worst is, my gut instincts always told me what would happen but I never listened. I kept on taking him back. I hope this is the last.
This article is awkwardly demeaning to anyone who has been evaluated as a sociopath. Though it is true that sociopaths lack the ability to feel remorse they also have a high ability for processing logic. Most are driven by their own goals which is why they are able to climb typical chains of command. Simply looking at the four percent statistic will say that nearly three hundred and fifty million people alive are sociopaths. Less than one percent of those three hundred and fifty million are serial killers or even murderers. A much higher percentage of people struggling to find their own sexual identity are revealed to be murderers. Does this mean that we should watch and avoid everyone who thinks they might be gay? Certainly not. This article is a waste of time and shames a group simply based on implications founded by non comparative statistics.
Great article. I found it quite helpful given I have dealt with, not one, but TWO full blown psychopaths this year. How the heck does THAT happen?! I’m a health practitioner and perhaps a little too willing to help. They were like heat seeking missiles and quickly jockeyed to try and manipulate me. I JUST severed a business relationship with the second psycho only days ago and my genuine fear is that she will stop at nothing to screw me over. I am preemptively doing everything I can to block her moves before they happen. Anyway, great article and very good info.
i had a sociopath attach himself to me many years ago. I didn’t know it at the time. I have only just worked it out. He started doing the same sport as me and became what I thought was a friend, how wrong I was. He was in my wedding party and I worked with him for a while. I worked out later on that on some days when he didn’t work he would ride his push bike to my house so as not to be seen and was having sex with my wife.
We subsequently split up and now I only see my children on holidays. I come from a small town and had no idea how much he was lying about me and starting roumers about me and my family who have been well respected for generations. I feel like he has taken my life from me and is laughing at me.
I am concerned that my brother is a sociopath.
He is 27 years old, and displays all of the symptoms you described here. I looked this up because a friend described him as a sociopath, and that’s how I found this page. It is difficult for me to deal with him because we both live in our mother’s house and I don’t have the money to move out any time soon. I have been physically abused by my brother on and off over the years, and he throws periodic temper tantrums in which he yells and breaks things, and throws out threats about litigation or other things that he thinks might elicit a reaction.
I am concerned for my safety. Over the years, many family members have suggested that he get help and he angrily insists he doesn’t need it. I feel like I am living with a ticking time bomb and I am not sure how to address it. How exactly am I supposed to coexist with a sociopath, and mitigate the threat they pose, at least long enough to distance myself from him?
thanks for the great article. I have recently identified a workplace sociopath. She fits the bill exactly, crocodile tears, trying to be Ms Congeniality, but totally without a conscience, remorse or true compassion. I called in a personal favor from a friend at her request and discovered she has hoodwinked, lied and cheated my friend, and when I called her on it, she had the gall to accuse and insult my friend of lies and deceit. She gives me the shivers and the creeps. I have not come into close contact with such evil so close at hand, and I literally have the shivers, shakes and the jitters.
i spend a lot of time following political and financial discussions, and it amazes me that there is no real focus on sociopaths in these arenas, despite the fact that the players in them have immense power over us. Yes, now and then a commentator will call a politician or CEO or similar a sociopath. but i have yet to see any careful analysis of the behaviors of such people and how those behaviors relate to the creature’s sociopathy.
also i’m looking for studies which deal with the relationships between sociopaths.
Thanks for the analysis. Having made an encounter with a questionable personality I read Martha’s book, defining subject as a sociopath within the first few pages…Very disturbing… Evaluating this person’s actions and our responses to him over the past year and a half…and a final confrontation a few month’s ago In which I was threatened and a number of promises broken(or such admission made), is now possible. Lack of conscience, empathy, love, respect are key once one knows the rules…
Thanks again for the heads up!
Steve Lauermann
Reading your blog is very revealing to me. I have read much recently about sociopaths and their effects on people’s lives. It is almost as if I don’t want to believe that the man I have known for more than twenty five years, and been more seriously entangled with for the last five years, is a sociopath and ticks all the boxes on the checklist. I keep reading just in case there is another explanation for all the madness that he brought into my life.
At first I thought he was eccentric, a label he gave himself and revelled in. Then I thought that he was just an alcoholic, something that he had sunk into following a bitter marriage and divorce. But even sober, at times for weeks, he lacked any sense of remorse for the trouble he had caused me – the woman he claimed to love ” more than anyone in the world ever” he was “unable to live without me” wanted to care for me, protect me, grow old with me, hold my hand for always. When faced with the truth of his actions – living totally off me and my inheritance for three years, I paid for everything – our home, everything in it, his car, his phone, his clothes, his medical prescriptions, his cigarettes and his drink, meals out and holidays. He made no effort to contribute, when I set up a business for him, he became bored immediately and made excuses about his bad knees that prevented him from doing anything. When faced with the truth of all this he just said that it was the reason he drank – because he felt bad about himself. In effect it was my fault for being too generous. He also said that he drank because I left him alone every few weeks to visit my young adult children, who, naturally refused to accept my relationship with him.
For three years I juggled their dislike and his sulking, until when I broke down in frustration he blamed their attitude towards me and said that I had spoiled them.
Often I stood and listened to him telling people we met about his film career, he was an uncredited extra in one or two films over thirty years. He had lived in the US for twenty years and this gave him a glamour in Britain, where nobody could really dispute what he claimed (including his family) and conversely, being British in the US gave him an attraction especially when he claimed to have played polo with Prince Charles.
The truth is, he returned in his early fifties to Britain, penniless, homeless and boasting that he never even had to buy underwear as people (women) gave him things. At this point he homed in on me, especially when he learned that my Father had just died, and knowing that my marriage had been effectively over for years. At this time he was reliant on his elderly parents, and desperate to break away. I believed his story of undying love for me, and how he had missed me all those intervening years. He was passionate, it was only months later that I discovered he took pills to help him. I also discovered that he had been taking prescription anti anxiety pills for years.
I blamed all of his behaviour on the alcohol, and tried to understand. He went into rehab twice, it was totally ineffective. He “wasn’t like all those others in there”. He was “creative – a writer, an artist, a frustrated actor” only recently have I begun to understand that the alcohol is a symptom, not the cause. As I have discovered more and more of his lies, they are endless, and when faced with them he flatly refuses to accept that they are lies; I realise that he is a sociopath. He has no friends, no contact with his son in the US, since we parted he has been living in a homeless hostel. There, he charms everyone with his glamorous tales and gets favours from the staff.
After all this, I have sometimes yearned for him and the love he seems to offer. I speak to him every day. Right now, I’m trying hard to get on with my much poorer life, and build for a future without him, I’m training as a counsellor, and the self awareness training is valuable, though often painful. Thank you for the support you give in writing about this issue, it is a comfort to me to read about the experiences of others – it means I’m not alone.
Good morning!
I am dealing with a person that I believe is a sociopath and lives directly across the street from me. I have had a long running history with him. He is mostly native American and tries to imply that he is some sort of healer. He has created a situation wherein I had to get the police involved and take him to court. The judge ruled in my favor. I try to ignore him and his wife. When he causes a noise disturbance (ruling in my favor) I again call the police to issue a summons. His presence is quite disturbing and he shines spotlights at my house. I cannot do anything legally as we do not have a light ordinance.
Thanks for your time
Sincerely
Joe Mazzone
My father is a sociopath. It’s a difficult situation to deal with, as he uses my mother as an emotional hostage. Not to mention a verbal punching bag.
I dated a sociopath too and dey r similar in most of the aspects.I met him at work in 2011 Nov.I was at that time in a long distance relationship which was not working .He was my colleague and got to know I am going through a rough time in my relationship . He seemed interested in me even before that but I had kept him informed that I like someone .. I cnt forget 19th November the most unfortunate day I agreed to go out with him .. Last night I had cried .. I didn’t know where my previous relationship was heading and then my S called me checking if this time I will agree to go with him .. And I agreed.. Went in the morning with tears in my eyes and came back with a big smile .. Yes this is what sociopaths do initially when you just enter relationsships. Most charming man I had met in my life .. Respected me , loved me like noone ever had .. Called me every second .. I was always on call/ping with him .. Soon we became inseparable ..he wud send songs and poems for me this is how my day used to start .. I wud wake up with a smile on my face and phone in my hand ..then go to work where I wud meet the man of my dreams and felt I am the luckiest girl on this earth.Within 8 days he told me he loved me and wanted to spend my life with him and justified his desire to move quickly by saying he doesn’t wnt to fool around and want to get married as he has met the woman of his dreams..I was still confused then he plotted something .. He told me he has got selected for army and soon will be leaving the city ..I ,like a fool, cried and cried and told him I need him and stopped him from going to military which he anywaz was never going to and this is how I went even closer to him.. Trust me I am a sensible strong and independant woman don’t know how this happened to me .. It cn happen to anyone you shud always look out for such people to prevent injury to ur self respect , finances and your soul .. So soon I was hooked .. One day I was flipping through photographs and saw d pic of a girl he had sent saying she was the girl who broke his heart ( this is how sociopath play pity games and make all their exes sound crazy) and I realized this picture is of his own real sister as by that time I had met her .. Not just this she was wearing the pendant he had gifted me .. I felt numb for sometime then confronted him .. He cried and said he never had any girl in his life so sent his sisters picture just like that .. And pendant he didn’t even agree said he bought 2 one for me one for his sister .. Later when I met her I came to know it’s hers .. And returned it ..by then I had caught him in many small big lies .. His father was not at the rank in the army he told me .. His mom had a different religion than he had told me ..and his sister was not dating the guy he told horrible stories about .In addition to that one of his friend he told he did mba with didn’t study with him and one of his friend he claimed is married was still a bachelor .. I was almost going crazy and that day I fought with him and made it clear we are not gonna be together .. He then didn’t contact me for some 45 mins.. Then I received ping from my best friend that he has attempted suicide I panicked and blamed myself for it .. While me and my friend were trying to gt in touch with him ,funny but she received ping regarding suicide from his phone only saying its his sister who has his phone and he is unconscious ..calls were going unanswered and we felt helpless.. Finally got to know he is alright .. I spoke to his sister in the evening general stuff not even once she mentioned suicide and I realized it was a drama .. Anywaz I was hooked by then and went back to him .. We used to go on long drives and crossed his home many times (nt the actual but the one he showed to me saying its his)I insisted I want to see it he had some or the other reason and always changed the topic .. Then when we completed 6 months in the relationship he took me to his home ..nt the same house but his real house.. I asked about the house (villa kind) he had always showed and he said it’s his grandfathers house and his grandfather threw his family out in a chilly night ( how sad !) Then met his family felt like they were looking for a scapegot to tie their son to .. They were happy finally there is a fool who has accepted their son and they all tried to trap me .. I was fully under their trap .. He started drawing money from me to drop his mom home , for his car which had met accident for petrol for other stuff.. He never used to plan only fake promises that he has booked a table for us in a fancy hotel to discover at the last moment nothing ever was planned .. I ended up paying for all our dates and ended up planning too .. He was never interested in planning.. He lied about quitting smoking for me ..I caught him smelling of smoke he wud luk straight into my eyes and deny it .. He wud lie about all smaLl and big things and ultimately I started ignoring them to find peace in life .. I remember him telling horrible stories about his father , mom, sister , our colleagues , his friends , his supervisor .. I don’t remember if he ever said anything positive about any human being .. It reminds me he lied about having a dog also at home .. He never had any dog .. M sure I am not able to recall most of the lies , drama that happened .. I ws confused but there was a lot of pressure on me from his family for marriage and I gave in to the pressure and told my family about this guy .. They were totally against it and I started convincing them for it .. One day when I was very sad ( which he ofcourse knew about) my dad my mom all had stopped eating I was crying whole day .. He did express how sad he is luking at my condition but next day I met him had his phone in my had found out the same day I was going through shit convincing parents to marry him he was watching porn in his phone .. I ws devastated .. He seemed to have no emotions .. Once I remember him mentioning to me he wud not get his own daughter married to a guy like him who is selfish , a liar ..anywaz I started feeling more unsure about him and told him that I am convincing my parents but not sure of u .. He panicked and involved his parents .. Things between families became ugly and it was called off as he said horrible things about me to his family .. I feel at times his mother also is a NPD the way she behaved with me when things went bad .. We broke up by god’s grace but I was too blinded in love to see good has happened to me ..and kept in touch with him for 7 months post that .. Its when his true colors came out .. The mask of a sociopath slips when ur discarded . He told me about his 10 girlfriend in the past ..treated me like a piece of shit .. Robbed me of my self respect .. Who earlier made me feel the most beautiful woman on earth .. I had started feeling ugly .he stopped picking my calls .. I had to see a counsellor and told him .. He shouted at me when I ws crying on phone pleading to him begging him to become how he was in the beginning ..he lied that he has not got car to the office so that he doesn’t have to pick me and take me out ..I felt unloved .. I cudnt sleep at night was not able to understand how this so in love with me guy has become so unloving and cruel ? In Aug 2013 he left me totally for gud .. I keep hearing from people how he keeps sending different different girls’ pics telling them he is getting married to them and everyone laughs at him .. I have received card , mails , messages and a fake engagement card since he left me completely but I didn’t react to any of it .. I am out of it now .. Ready to love and trust again .. I thanks god a zillion times ..he saved me from marrying the most dangerous personality disordered human being .. God bless all .. Take care
I’ve supported a gorgeous 43 year old Serbian art gallery owner for the last 3 years. She has lived under my roof, I’ve cared for and loved her 2 children as if they were my own, spent thousands and thousand bailing her gallery out of debt. Never asked for a dime, taken us to dinner after dinner. l at places neither of us could afford, and because im resourceful, I found a way to make more money. She plays the humanist, convinced me to leave the Marine Corps because “killing was ignorant, and causes so much devastation”, and with flattery, “I can do so much better.” So Got discharged OTH for pattern of misconduct because she convinced me it was sexy that I refused to cut my hair or take orders. When I told her I wish I never left and that she had manipulated me into leaving, she would say that I was already miserable there, she just supported my idea (causing me to mistrust my own logic). She stayed out til. 2AM every night seeking attention, probably doing much worse, and convincing me she just needed to feel free. I was often at home watching her children while she was out. One night she got in an accident while drunk, I was home watching the kids. She felt no remorse and never missed a beat made me feel like ahit for being upset about it. I took either one or both of her kids to school each morning for a year or more, she told me I helped “once in a while”. She crushed every business idea I had. The lies in retrospect should have been easy to see, but the animal attraction blinded me to it all. I always had this strange feeling, especially with her eldest daughter, that the maternal bond was not there. She goes through the motions with her youngest daughter but a lurking falseness lies under it all. All her past relationships were (losers) and now all successes without her. She drained me of hundreds of thousands, then told me I wasnt a man when I missed rent the first time. Coincidentally that’s also eheb she couldn’t stand me anymore., but she evoked squatters rights when I tried to change the locks. If she ever loses an argument with me she goes into a false panic attack. (Pity) I asked her kid to go upstairs during an argument, she told her daughter to stay and listen to how I am for kicking them out, and if you want to talk about picking the most trusting innocent person in The room, Remember how I said she’s 43? Yeah I’m 25 years old and she’s calling me absolute failure and unrespectable because I can no longer provide for her family. When she sees that I’ve commited to leaving we have the most vile sex, she lets me defile her, say the most terrible things to her, and she still fakes screaming orgasms (would be even scarier if they were real because I had no intention of pleasing her that time) to try to get me to let her stay at my place until she finds her next apartament or more likely next victim. I know that last part makes me sound a little sociopathic myself but I hated her and she tricked me into believing she didn’t cheat even after I busted her cheating beyond shadow of a doubt. That’s why I was so hateful and disgusted during the sex. I hated that I was falling for more bullshit. She sells tons of paintings but her artists never seem to quite get their half. When she left I told her I had been a Labrador for her and her children, she said “not really how about a better job. I was an alaska crab fisherman at the time 80k-90k isn’t bad. There’s nothing I didn’t do for this woman, and there’s nothing she did for me. When we split I said she could stay a while and I’d livener on my boat. I lasted 2 weeks, she never looked for a place, and told me I was torturing her for coming back when I did. I mean nobody can live on a boat for longing if you’re leaving me then you should be the one leaving, you have money and were not married. . Anyway I feel so much better that I now understand what she is, and I’ll be packing all her shit into storage, and changing my locks, this time myself having no remorse, because I know her pain will only be an attempt to win my pity. There are a million places that the self proclaimed queen of laguna beach could stay, it’s just not with this young leatherneck. I won’t be that naive again. Speaking of leathernecks, I teared up telling her of how bad my friends PTSD had gotten and that he was in hospital. Her response was that she doesn’t feel sorry for him, that he was being a pussy and that’s the job he chose. Then same night said she couldn’t watch a WWII documentary because it was so horrible. I mean she is off the richter scale sociopath. I wonder if we Both aren’t a little sociopathic though. Can some traits over power others in dueling sociopaths? Can one more experienced sociopath get the best another? I’ve done things in our relationship that I knew I should feel remorse for but didn’t, and Definately come so close to violence but never lost control. Used pity to try to get her back, but only because I wanted to be the one to leave. It’s been heartbreak warfare literally at my apartment but neither of us really want to leave. The moment I leave she calls me back but only after she’s had some fun I’m sure. I was never that interested in cheating. She kept me sexually satisfied but that’s about it. And the constant reminding me how I was a lowly marine and she introduced me to the lavish life I’ve been paying for for the last few years is one of my favorite acts of hers. 1 or both of us have to be sociopaths. She’s definitely more seasoned than I if both.
My ex-wife.
I actually started to write a book about. Below is the intro. But to get to #13, we are divorced, she is remarried. I just found out she robbed her new husband of $50K. They are still together, for now.
I still vividly remember the first time I recognized that something was missing from her humanity. We had been dating for about 9 months, and though she had a full time job and was paying for her graduate school education with money from an inheritance, she had managed to get me to pay a large number of her bills. But that wasn’t what struck me as off. It was the morning she left my apartment to head home and catch up on school work. We had an amazing weekend. It was a cold Sunday morning, snow had fallen during the night and the golf course outside my apartment window was a beautiful blanket of white. We snuggled under the covers of my bed, watching TV, laughing and expressing deep love for one another. How awful it was that she had to go, she said, but she was behind in her work. She left me and late in the morning and drove away to her apartment; or so I thought.
Among the bills I had been paying for her was her Cell phone, which in 1992 it was about $1 a minute. I had bought her that phone for Christmas and agreed to pay the bill each month until she graduated. When a bill came that included the afore mentioned Sunday, it was unusually large and contained an unfamiliar phone number. It was another man. She had not left me reluctantly that snowy Sunday morning but had lied and left me to visit her other boyfriend; and had me pay for the hour long phone call she made to him to boot. When I confronted her, she gave me the usual stuff about how we weren’t married, I hadn’t proposed, I wasn’t jewish and her family pressured her into meeting this other jewish man. Though I bought all the excuses as reasonable I never forgot her demeanor on that day in question. If she really felt as she claimed, how could she have been so calculating? How could she have been on the phone driving happily to another man’s house? How could she have lied so convincingly? If she had issues about us, why not address them then and there, that morning? All this never sat well with me. As our relationship continued through marriage, a child, and a seemingly endless series of lies, crimes and betrayals I finally came to understand why I couldn’t understand her; I had married a Psychopath.
Thanks for the article. Very helpful. I’ve been married to a sociopath for 26 years. I always knew something was wrong with him, but he always twisted things around on me and I doubted myself instead. The first time he left me, he had to see a psychiatrist in order to return. He did and was diagnosed with passive aggressive personality disorder. Well, I thought I had my answer in that diagnosis but I was wrong. After some research on passive aggression, I realized there was more to my husband than that. I never could figure it out. One day after my daughter came home from college, she informed me that he was a sociopath. She studied it in psychology class that day, recognized her father and had all the symptoms written down before the teacher could say them. Although it’s a relief to know this, he has turned my life upside down. He’s out of the house again (3rd time). I will never let him back. Your article has helped me to see I should have as little to do with him as possible. He stole a lot of my life and was cruel and vicious then and now. I’m having trouble coping. He made me so physically sick…the doctor said I seemed to be exhibiting PTSD but didn’t know why. I hadn’t told him about my husband and didn’t know at the time he was sociopathic. It’s taken me 5 years to even sleep again but I am. I don’t feel well mentally but am getting better little by little. I really appreciated the last bit of your article-the best revenge is to live well and time wounds all heels. I thank you for writing the article. One day when I’m feeling better, I’d love to help people who have suffered in this way…in fact, I think that would make me heal faster. Thank you again. I feel somewhat better after reading this. 🙂
Hi My brothers and sisters grew up with one. He is one of my brothers. I moved away from home at 18 after graduation, 1400 miles away. What I didn’t realize was when you grow up with this you think it is normal. He is 2 years older than me and I am the middle child of 7 children. After he was in and out of county jail several times, once for a lesser charge of rape. Our parents Downplayed all of it. Finally he was sentenced to 18 months In state prison for a plea bargain lesser than rape. One day at 47 year old one of my old friends told my wife and I that he had raped her and 4 other ladies 18 years ago when he came to visit over a 3 year time frame. My brothers and sisters asked why know and all I could say is we owe it to all his victims . When we did this he started sneaking around our property . So we started calling the police every time we caught him. Now he has told us he will kill us but cant get it on tape or a witness. So may more stories { over 100} Thanks for the advice.
Everything said above is exactly what they are….my encounter was NOT violent…although once in a argumentative mode…he got up from his chair and brushed up against my arm….( I let him know, although I didn’t feel it was harmful) that IF he ever laid a hand on me, he would suffer the consequences of a police visit…he just looked at me! Always called me Jersey tough….he knew that I was getting smarter or should I say “awakening” to his deception….he even asked me to marry him , kneeling down…the whole 9 yards…he was behaving…I thought “well, redemption time” WRONG….4 days later I gave him his ring back….but he went on like nothing happened….and I thought that extremely odd…but he was! And, I thought that maybe his mood swings, his personality (the bad one) surfacing was just that he needed help, needed someone to understand him….was alone for 15 yrs this time around… I was sanely, sadly deceived….what an emotional roller coaster I was on….sucking the very life out of me…yes, and making me feel like I was crazy….I realized his acting at the get go….my intuitive side was on target…but? I thought, love will overcome….my lesson….but? Now that it has ended OFFICIALLY 1 1/2 months ago….it’s like the addiction is gone for good….but I’m not sure on his end…I ended all emails, blocked all numbers and moved out of state…which he surmised I would eventually do , be it that I broke up with him 3 times….and it wasn’t a charm! So much for dating sites….ladies? BE WARE, BE WARY…BE ON GUARD…we don’t need that culprit of a demonic, narcisstic, controlling, neanderthal man in one’s life…and beware of dating sites…that’s how I was found….
My brother has been married to a sociopath for 16 years and she has made our lives hell! We have all been victimized by her sociopathic ways because we didn’t know what she was until I started reading today. She has lied and manipulated my family to the point where I don’t know if we will ever be able to get my brother to wake up and see her for the monster she isn’t! She has mentally and physically abused my two oldest nieces and DHS is finally involved now after she asked the 14 year old to commit suicide with her. My sister-in-law isn’t allowed to see the girls at all and is only allowed 3 monitored phone calls a week. My poor brother, who we thought had finally saw the light, was sucked back in by her! The crazy B&@#! has turned it all around and is saying that my niece is lying just like her older sister! The sad thing is, the 2 older girls see their mother for what she truly is but my brother has been mentally beat down for so long he does whatever she says! We don’t know what to do or how to make him see what is going on! We’ve tried for 16 years but it does no good! Any advise you can give would be greatly appreciated! We fear for my nieces lives when their mom gets to be around them again because she’s already said she would kill who got her kids taken away from her…. Which was my niece! I just hope and pray to God that DHS sees her for what she is!
My line manager is a Sociopath/psychopath – she has manipulated me over a period of 18 months and I have been and am ill because of it. I possess knowledge and skills she needs and she is bleeding me dry before she manages to get rid of me. I am trying to get out. I am a very good target for her – good person and too trusting and very honest. She has worked very fast and has almost achieved her aim but I will protect myself now.
i am horrified finding out so much information about sociopaths and matching it to my ex boyfriend(just broke up a few days ago), because ii had a bad feeling all along and intrigues were all over, he always talked about his ex like she was a psycho, but i found out something about her, that was a completley different version, i strated to become something i hated, jelous, doubtful, and like you explain here, i was questioning my own sanity, but i finally had the balls to brake up , but i have maybe made a mistake, i told him i tought he was a sociopath, he is still looking for me and i stll answer his messages, but after reading this article i am hundred percent convinced he is a sociopath, and yes i have been feeling miserable since i had an abortion of our baby, my health, my mind, everything is not right at all….the thing is that i am concerned for my safty or my ex- boyfriend’s before him safety, because he is known to be violent and he was in jail fro 6 years. he is an artist and that was his ticket out of jail, supposedly he was there for a bodypaint he made to an under age girl and they charged him with pornography, but now i doubt even for that….. it really hurts me because i did completley fell in love with him, he asked me to marry him so romantically, he made me feel so desired, and beautiful,, and “loved” we had great sex,and i am an artist my self so superficially everythig looked perfect, he was even inviting me to big shows and to make a project toghether, but i got so scared, that i rejected everythin, now it doesnt matter what he tells me i cant trust him 🙁 its so sad….and i am a little bit scared because i dont know what he is capable of
An individual at my work has destroyed my reputation because I wouldn’t participate in setting up a supervisor. Unbelievably almost everyone else did. The person also got them to believe I was getting them in trouble with the supervisor. It wasn’t true. I transferred but it didn’t stop. The person heard about a rumor an ex was spreading about me and arranged an office outing so everyone could hear about it. This person also went to my spouse’s coworkers to try to break up my marriage through them. The person also got coworkers to lie to an agency which eventually led to the supervisor’s reputation being officially destroyed manipulating the agency into not questioning me and certain others. I think about this all the time and I am still feeling the consequences. I’m at a loss on what to do. I don’t have a vindictive bone in my body and that has worked against me.
I don’t agree with with everything here, there are certain degress of sociopathy, this describes and extreme case. I’m a sociopath but I’m not a horrid and calkous person, and some sociopaths are capable of a certain level of remorse, but it doesn’t last as longas an empaths remorse, i also can sometimes feel emotional pain but it only lasts inshort bursts, and i follow the law because its wat has been deemed just. when some sociopaths get into relationships sometimes we make our selves belie e we really feel love cuz we confuse sexual arousal with love, when I cheat on a person its not cuz I’m trying to be a jerk its cuz I just don’t understand the bond in relationship ls which makes it super easy to break, and I can actually cry if I first force the tears. people dissect sociopaths more like animals in the wild instead of people with and emotional impediment
My boss. I knew he was a bad person, eventually it was my turn to suffer his wrath. Scary stuff. Multiply date rapes, lost my job during the collapse. Years of slander and alienation, ten years and counting. I always wondered how he could be the most insecure ego maniac I have ever met, now I know. The charisma is amazing. His manipulation of people. He is especially dawn to people who have fallen in love with someone else. He goes after them. He loves wrecking others relationships but he doesn’t stop until he has destroyed their lives. He recently wrecked five people’s lives in one shot. Trying not to pity him, building recognition skils and hardening my resolve. I have sold my home and moved out of town, but probably not far enough away. So few people really see him. It’s amazing how he manipulates other people to do his dirty work without them ever realizing it. His best friend killed himself during my emeshment and it is clear to me (in hindsight) how he manipulated this sweet empathic guy into the difficulty he found himself in. Loaning him money, setting him up, helping him dig himself a hole. They had been sexually involved in a homeopathic relationship. I could never have imagined that people this evil really exist. Feels wrong not to scream it from the rooftops, but I have family to protect. Someone even wrote a book about him which became a movie. But they didn’t see the evil, just the quirky, charismatic crap. He gave me the manuscript and told me it was about him. I wish I had gone to the authorities the first time he date raped me. If I had known what he really is I would not have hesitated.
My life has been a living hell, ever since I started living with the mother of our daughter!
She most definitely shows me no respect! constantly causing friction between us, to the point that she gets me worked up to no end!! And she seems to enjoy every minute of it. So I ask myself, how in the hell i’m I suppose to live with this girl? However, to leave would mean leaving her with the kids! I don’t have it in me to leave the little ones that I love so dearly. I just can’t do that to them! I may be on the verge of a nervous breakdown? I am very tough, but just how much can I endure? This surely isn’t healthy for the kids . . seeing us argue all the time! I know I am far from perfect, but I do deserve a little respect. I know it sounds like i’m venting. But to some degree I must find a solution , before she drives me nuts, or I end up in jail, for doing something bad! out of frustration! I pray every night for a miracle!!! There has to be a way to resolve this unlivable situation. After reading this article, I am truly convinced she is truly a full blown sociopath! I shall continually reading on this subject to find ways to deal with her behavior! This is the toughest problem I have ever has to deal with!!! If there is a viable solution I am all ears!! Sincerely, searching for happiness.
Well, you’ve met Matt somewhere along the line! LOL! Psychopath Free is the FB Page I was talking about.
Great article!
Thank you, Susan!
I was married to a sociopath for 25 years and was a living hell. I am stil working on the aftermath of destruction and lies he left behind. I don’t have any contact anymore about 3 years now with him or nor does he contact my adult children. He had manipulated me and I covered up for him and I thought he loved me, but it was all lies and so many things he did to make me believe he was a good person. My story is to long to tell and he was in prison for almost 3 years and all his promises were broken. My life finally has peace which was all I ever wanted. There was always drama in my home which he caused I was a trusting loving wife and felt guilty for not helping him every time he got in trouble . He made me feel great when he needed me and that I was the only one who ever loved him it was a constant throughout our marriage. I’m free at last.
A passive parasitic psychopath is causing problems in my life. My brother let him stay with him after a breakup he had with his girlfriend. My brother and I thought he was the victim in the relationship but now we figured out that he was the problem. My brother has a disability that clouds his judgment. The psycho was claiming depression and has not worked in months except for a little part time job.He said he would pay half the rent but he could not pay the full amount. He found another girlfriend who lavishes him with love and takes him out and wines,and dines him. She also might be a psychopath as well. Anyway he is not really looking for a job and is not making progress towards standing on his own two feet. His idea of progress was finding this new girlfriend to live off of. Well my brother thought the psycho was depressed and was thinking of suicide and called his brother. He then stupidly told psychopath he did so. Psychopath went ballistic and claimed that we wanted him out of the apartment. I don’t live there so I am not sure what really goes on there. Anyway, psychopath destroyed my brother’s bedroom door and took my brother’s cell phones and smashed them. We called the police. Now psychopath is blaming my brother for the destruction. He says my brother is always lying. My brother does lie sometimes but I am sure he did not do the destruction . My brother was with me the whole day and psychopath had come in to remove his stuff out. When my brother came home he demanded that he give him his phones to delete the contacts with his friends and family but he destroyed the phones. Now psychopath is telling me that my brother did it. It seems insane. He is blaming my brother for everything and is saying that my brother will keep tormenting him indefinitely. We called the cops and now psychopath wants to pay us off. I said when we get the repair bill we will forward it to him but we want nothing else from him. His parents are well to do, but we don’t want their money. We too want to get rid of him for good but we don’t know how to undo the cop involvement, but we can just let it go if he just goes away. It is a mess. He is working the crazy making talk on me now. He is trying to get me to believe that my brother is the culprit and the pathological liar. All I have to do is let him give me money to end this. I don t give a crap about the money just want him to leave us alone now.
Fascinating article. Sadly dealt with a husband like this … finally got rid of him. Now dealing with a few of them at work … sad … just so dang sad and pathetic!!!
Sociopaths are wrong about people, they think they are smarter and stronger than the rest of us, but the reverse is true. The understanding and definition of human intelligence is growing.
Emotional and spiritual intelligences are now considered part of overall human intelligence, and sociopaths lack intelligence in these areas. They are underdeveloped and incapable of healthy relationships and functioning. Personally, I do not regard myself as a victim of these beings. Enough talk about what they do to others, I’m looking for some discussion about what we can do to them and what they can do for us. It is in fact ME who “wins” when all is said and done. The sociopath I knew loses forever until he dies. They are not special, they are not powerful, they don’t matter at all. In fact, I venture that when one of them dies, there is a sigh of relief on all parts. I wouldn’t trade their experience over mine for one instant! The fact remains that I have the capacity to be just like them if I choose to be, I just prefer my way of being more. The sociopath I knew was a two bit hustler that no one truly cares about outside his family, certainly not his children, he abandoned and destroyed them, but his family of origin; his enablers. No one cares about them either. So, let’s stop being victims, and wasting our time on these developmentally delayed anomolies, kick them to the curb and move on. There needs to be more cohesive exposure towards these individuals. We need to collectively expose them aND take away their audience. Does the sociopath I know really think he has the power to run and ruin my life? That’s like giving my life away to a four year old!!! Someone else’s four year old at that!! I’m no, really?
How do you deal with a sociopath who has made false allegations to the police against you, over and over again (there are a few dozen I am aware of, probably more that I am not.) Each time it gets more and more severe. I am literally being stalked by a couple who follows me and then calls the police on me here in New Mexico. They have gotten an order of protection against me for turning them in for child abuse, which was true, however, the couple is very powerful, educated and the profession is highly esteemed by the Judge. I am moving out of the city to get away from them because they comstantly follow me, and then call the police on me. They stalk me, hacked into my computers, and turned my parents against me. I was a massage therapist, peacefull and empathetic person. Im nice, and generally a sweet person. I dont engage with them, and never want to see them again. The courts would not grant me an injunction of harassment against them, even though they threatened to blow up my house, cut me off my head, and kill my children. I truly feel like i am in physical danger. Is there any agency that can help me? Im afraid for my life.
Cat Davis
I recently lost my only son (34) to a drug overdose. He had lived with Paula, an illegal immigrant who came to this country from Columbia by paying an American/COLUMBIAN man $6000 for marriage and then divorce. Paula lived with my son for ten rocky years and i often toke her side in the arguments and break ups. She became pregnant when she realized, after seven years, that my son was not going to marry her. Within a few months she became pregnant. She had been on birth control pills for all this time and never told my son she stopped taking them to get pregnant. We were all fairly shocked when she announced that she was pregnant. Within a half a year after the birth of my old grandson, my son asked that she move from his home which he had refused to put her name on, as co owner. She cried and got violent and attacked him on several occasions and still I would not believe Seth (son) when he tried to tell me how frightened of her he had become and how he begun to realize that she had all the attributes of a sciopath. Seth had been a dedicated New York city firefighter and then became a highly decorated police detective back in his home state. He was extremely successful in real estate and it infuriated her that she wasn’t married and able to secure these properties in her name, as well. Their fights heated up until she finally agreed to move out. Seth felt such violence from her he had sent me photos of his having to put dressers against his bedroom door at night while he was sleeping for get that she would hurt or even kill him. After his death we took her under our wing and gave her large amounts of cash from the in probate estate. We helped her move back into Seth’s $650,000 HIME with in ground pool and covered all hers and our grandchilds living expenses, ground and pool maintainable. All utilities were paid for her for three years. I had retired from teaching to provide full time child care to our beautiful new little grandson. I stayed sometimes days and weeks at a time helping her with mark as she has a full time job which my son had helped her to get. (She has advanced up a line from the factory floor to management of their Mexican account. She is “all business” and has shared with me “I don’t care whom I have to step on to succeed”) The house was in forclosure and after three years she was going to have to move. (We even had the estate pay off all her credit cards to help her). We asked to go to the home and take Seth’s clothes to one of his friends who welcomed this. We also asked to please bring back to our house one or two special items belonging to our dead child. ( a boat model he had bought and assembled AFTER SHE AND MY GRANDSON HAD MOVED OUT FOR A YEAR). She demanded that we give her $40,000 from the estate for a deposit for a home for herself. The estate was not closed and felt this was too much for the judge to release at this early date. Within 24 hours she emailed us and said that we would no longer be allowed to see our grandchild because she felt she “needed a break from us”. We agonized and cried with broken and shocked hearts for three days. On the fourth we decided we had to take her to court to sue for grandparents visitation rights. She used /displayed every device you have given here in your article to see to it that our goodness and caring for she and mark long before Seth died, was legally twisted against us. In court she cried and literally wailed and threw herself on the courtroom floor with drama and crocodile tears for four days. Her lawyer reinforced these tears and victim hood and turned on my husband and me, and made us out to be the cruel victimized of this poor abandoned single immigrant young, completley innocent and pure mother. The legal bar for grandparents to be allowed simple and consistent visits with their loved grandchildren is impossible to reach. This is the newest silent tragedy happening to grandchildren and to the grandparents who have loved them and are being cut off in shocking numbers. The judge cried giving us his decision from the bench. We were not able to prove -even with the statute including the death of a parent —that we had a “parent like ” relationship with this child we love so dearly and who had lived with us almost full time for the first five years of his life. They hired a child psychologist (which the court had us pay for ) and this psychologist had mark “draw his family”. He never drew us. The judge did not allow us to question this psychological to ascertain the nature around this one and only test used: was their a chance that the parent could have prepared mark ahead of time ? The entire court process fed into the mothers sociological victimization and was a heartbreaking travesty of justice for this little innocent child who was taken away indefinitely from grandparents whom he has known and loved like parents. His dad, he knows, has died and he knows how sad we are with him. It would take more words than I can write here on this site, to portray this dark and cold cold human being who has hidden from the superior court’s and now probate court’s (gal appointed to protect marks estate interests) her true sciopathic nature. She is more that willing to use her copious tears and unbridled and violent rage to force every single person having legal powers over this sad sad situation —to feel pity for her and to accept her painted picture of her total victimhood. We are helpless to fight against her sciopathic arsenal of killer weaponry. You article is one of many that is helping me, survive the loss of my only child and not my only loving little grandson. I am trying with all my soul to let go. I am living daily with the serenity prayer knowing I will never win with this frightening sciopath. I am working hard to accept that I probably will never see my sons little boy again until decades from now, if this is even possible. Sciopath’s like this horrific human being win the battles. I will win this was by walking away. Hard to do. But I will stay alive and find some degrees of peace by cutting all ties with this evilness
I’m a musician… about 30% of all the drummers I’ve worked with have turned out to be sociopaths..I have aspergers so it’s easy for them to turn people against me, because we aspies are prone to socially irregular behaviour… But I also think having aspergers makes identifying sociopaths easier as we’re often wary of engaging with people emotionally..
I became friends with this lady over time. She started to tell me all these horrible things she did to her ex husband. She played the victim card well, but the things she did tried to ruin him professionally, socially, and even family ties. I watched her do this with another lady the was her friend that tried to get away. I saw an escape route one day when I could stop our friendship with minimal issues. I was wrong. She noticed I was pulling away, and the started a smear campaign against me with friends. When I finally broke ties, she tried to get me fired at work, and falsely filled sexual assault on me. My advice is get out or don’t get into their inner circles. Once you know their secrets, they won’t let you go freely. I had to change my name and move across the country to get away.
My son’s girlfriend was just described here. She charmed my son, then my ex- husband, amazingly she never charmed my younger son or his buddies who she slept with prior to having a baby with my older son. Someone is writing how promiscuous she was with guys on Facebook. By the way, she could never charm me.
I believe just like anything in nature there is no black and white, but more like a spector of how much each of us is capable of feeling. If so many people fully or partially lack empathy or “normal” human emotions it means there is a good reason why nature has created them that way. We may not fully understand or like that, but I think it’s somewhat limiting to lable all as one and be fearful. If a person has healthy boundaries, such as, won’t tolerate: disrespect, manipulation, abuse and lies, then generally speaking that person is primed to be OK even when they encounter people of different emotional spectrum.
On the second thought, not all people who have variant degree of lacking emotions are dangerous. In fact I believe labeling and alienating them as such could do more harm than good. Any person is capable of change for better when they feel no threat to themselves. Environment shapes our minds constantly.
I know this from my own experience as I have not always felt empathy and had some serious issues as a child, but due to a fortunate chain of life events I chose personal growth and felt it was safe and beneficial for me to develop my emotional spectrum. Vulnerability and boundaries are a healthy thing, which I now know. But, let’s say, if somewhere along the way I got alienated, shamed or treated as if I was a threat for the society, I doubt this sort of change would be possible… I might have grown up indeed very dangerous, but I didn’t.
So this topic is a double edged sword and I would be careful with making harsh statements.
I was such an easy mark for this female who was a sociopathic nymphomaniac with issues. This girl used her charm and sexuality to get it all. The greater the risk the more likely she was to do it. Sex with strangers (any number at once) in public restrooms, parking lots, back rooms…. no consideration to race, age, appearance, gender, number of persons involved or who watched. A thousand people many thousands of times in just six years. Family, relatives, neighbors, friends….
And me… she’d throw to the floor, piss on my head, tell me it’s raining and I’d believe her.
I gave myself every excuse to not see what was going on. And from her, there is a reason why they call them the oldest excuses in the book, they work on an easy mark.
A princess to be sure, too good to be true as the saying goes.
Then she ran out of my life without a warning and never looked back.
I have a neighbor that files false stalking and domestic violence orders. I think we have gone through 6-7 in the last 10 years. He finally got one to stick with lies and I just don’t know what to do to protect myself. I have 6 months left until this one is gone and then what will happen next. I have lost my canceled weapon permit, possession of my weapons, and just today took a plea deal in Tampa, Fl on a battery charge. I squirted him with a hose to keep him off my property. The police do nothing even when I have this person on video. Next he shines spot lights into my home and I have the mount devises to block the light. I think about moving but this guy will follow us I think. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
He swept me off of my feet, made me a his posh princess spoiling me, and often, my children. I saw his meanness to others, his obnoxious need for attention, his showy clothes, jewelry and material but I was head over heels in love with his charisma, his powerful business persona and his undying attention for me.
We were engaged in 6 months, purchased a beautiful landmark home and traveled the world. But, I could never give him enough attention….. And he would be angry with me frequently…. but with a growing business and four teenage children, I had a great deal to manage. Two years after we were married, He changed his view of me. The things he liked (in me) became ridiculed. But we continued to travel and he would still be extravagant in attention and gifts, but his meanness definitely directed toward me and my children. This was very confusing to me and I didn’t want to acknowledge the turn in him and I feared that he would reject me. I tolerated to much meanness. And my children saw this …. that is what I regret the most.
Well, it happened…. He convinced me to move out yet he “still loved and would always love me”….. we still went to dinner and had sex… He gave me a list of all of the reasons that he found unbearable about living with me… …the next year was completely confusing to me….. Eventually, he broad his girlfriend to our community, sending me a glowing email of her with pictures (her at the hotel where we were married, her at our favorite Floridian hotel, her on the main staircase of our home). He treated me like a gold-digging desperate parasite that was desperate for money…….. Yet, I missed him SOOOOOOO much….. I felt a great sense of loss and confusion of how I had caused this to be the outcome of my relationship with him. OUTRAGOUS. His derogatory response to our interactions was unwarranted. I recognized that I didn’t deserve it…. Yet I wanted him to recognie that….
Needless to say, I stumbled on to the “sociopath” literature and the light bulb went on. I am now obsessed with learning about it…… but I am still obsessed with him and the way he made me feel……. I cannot believe that this happened and that no one ever mentioned “sociopath” to me…… It is so obvious as I look back on it ….. I want to get over the wasting of 7 years of my life, but I can’t……..
I have something that he wants……. insurance policy on him guaranteed to me through the prenup….. and he is sitting back silently waiting for the opportunity that I he can have them singed to him….. I’m frightened…..
I recently dealt with a sociopath that I thought was a friend. I am in the healing/wellness community with a psychology background and I still fell for her routine. She ended up poisoning other peoples’ minds against me, namely a man who was a very, very close friend of mine and a frequent sexual partner. He was truly one of my best friends and somehow, this grown woman convinced a grown man that I wasn’t the straightforward, plain spoken person that I am. I feel sorry for him that it’s apparently easier for him to believe that I am not the person he’s known me to be for years now than to believe that there is a human being out there who loves and cares for him unconditionally without thought of what I might get in return. He has now entered into a severely twisted, icky, abusive situation with the sociopathic woman who used to masquerade as my friend-even while others have come to see (on their own, without interference from me) that this woman is indeed a sociopath. It hurts me to know that my male friend is involved in an extremely abusive relationship, but I’m not sure whether mentioning anything to him would do anyone any good at this point. I’ve shut down all of my connections to this woman–even social media connections. I certainly don’t want to reopen any doors. After this experience, I’m working on my own article about sociopaths: how to identify them, avoid them and deal with them if you must, so ultimately, 90% of my experience with this awful woman has turned out positively.
This person sociopath resides in the apartment above me very skillful with recording me in my downstairs apartment, he watches me day and night. Although, i made several reported about his bizarre behavior spying on me not one appears to take me seriously to include the landlady and police department in the town i reside in. He makes it very know to me on a daily basis that he observed me in my apt. by following me from room to room, awful noises, sexual gestures and times aggressive behaviors are detected when he beat on the wall. In his bizarre mine we are an item as identified by possessive behaviors, with angry episodes when i say i am planning to move. HELP
[…] How to Spot — and Handle — a Sociopath – Lisa Wolcott – Is there a distinction to be made between a sadistic personality and a sociopath? They obviously overlap, but to what degree?… […]
After my Encounters with a Psychopath that almost ruined me forever, I do have some scars,( I was Married to one) & a couple Sociopaths, I bought Robert D Hare PHD Without Conscience, & Martha Stout Sociopath Next Door ( live close to a real live Charming Sociopath, I save myself from Financial Ruin. I also bought Scott Peck People of the Lie. These books have done more for me than any type of Therapy would & Anti- Depressants Med. could have done. Thank You..
You hit this right on the nose my husband who is in carcerated right now is a sociopath there are dangerous will destroy your life I was with him for 3 years couldn’t get ridel of him exactly what you wrote is what it is he convinced me I needed him that I was crazy there scary BC they use facts to create there lies and tweak them.he even touch my daughter and his own daughter won’t take no for an answer at times I was rsped by him and his manipulation was so good he would make it feel other wise he would put himself in EVERY situation and buy gifts for my friends and parents it was horrific I’m currently trying to recover
Andrew, a sociopath is a sociopath– no feelings, no emotions, no humanity no soul. Depends on how evil they are is where the sadistic behaviour comes in. The more evil, the worse things they will do.
I had gone many years without seeing my oldest brother, then I made a grave mistake, at nearly the age of 60 I thought I should try to patch things up with him, I am also disabled and needed a roommate, becuase I truly believe in god I came to believe I would be judged wrong by ignoring my brother, so we have shared a place for the last 10 months, now a little background on my brother, he has been for as long as could remember a daily user of herion, his wife died of an overdose years ago and I aggreed to take in his son of 5 years old becasue the state took him from his father, I remember he would come to visit his son loaded on the very same thing that deprived this child of his mother, my brother made the choice between drugs and caring for his son, that is what I believed then, but I have come to know witout doubt that my brother cant care for anyone, this was confirmed in many different ways, including state test results showing he was a sociopath, his son now has nothing to do with him and he cant understand why, in his mind the reasons why are always related to someone elses fault for the reason, my brother at one point either sexualy malested all siblings at one point or the other, he is imposible to deal with, takes no blame, even after al he has done to hurt many people he contines to blame others and is judgmental of everyone, his drug use is way out of hand and he constatnly argues with me over everthing, there is no doubt in my mind he is nad always has been a sociopath, of which I am not afraid to tell him, he makes my life miserble and has a very long list of victims, including a case where he was arrested and identified by a 3 year old as the man who sexually milested her, the police offered an array of different level of charges in the coming weeks to eventually have him placed on the list as a molester. He got away with it becuase another known molester had similar looks. My brother has been in prison, as have his other sons, I believe he has great concern for his mortal soul but has no way to redeem himself, my question of course is this. If god made him this way and lets remember there is always the chance to choose between right and wrong for which heas disregarded through out his whole life the very fact he cant ask for forgiveness and redeem himself, does that make him exempt for punsihment from god himself upon his own death? I know at this point beyond just saying No!! dont talk to me, there is no other solution to this enigma how do I handle him over the next 2 months as he finds a different place to live, how do I deal with this monster, and heal? To say this is all a hyprocacy of emense proportions of all time in my lifetime in how he manipulates me and everyone I know and continues to try and abuse me and not send him to God prematurally soley in the interest of protecting everyone including the 2 little girls he calls is grand childen will be an immense challenge to me, I just feel battred, this is just plain evil!
I think my neighbor is a sociopath and it has me slightly nervous and on guard. He has lived here for two years. Is a perfectionist. 73 yrs old. He bought all new things inside and outside. His home inside is very dark. He has a lot of mirrors. He always talks about what he is getting and want a person to see is hew things. He has guns. His conversations are one sided. Always about him. He has done a lot of things to help me around the yard and plows the drive in the winter. He He has no friends. We have gotten along.just fine. I tried calling him the other night to thank him for a recent thing he did for me I never encountered such a rude, nasty , scary person in my life. I haven’t talked to him since, he has not apologized. I think he has done these things for me so that I now feel obligated to him. I j am in a quandary and nervous.. I am 83.
Hi,
The past 2 men I have dated have both been sociopaths. The most recent one made me believe he loved me and then pulled the rug out from under me telling me he just didn’t have time for a girlfriend then he kept calling me. I asked him to please stop calling me and he said he wasn’t going to. I finally had to block his number and delete him from all my social networks. I still have this slight idea he could have loved me? But I know he does not. Durning the time I was with him he made me feel extremely uncomfortable about myself and really awful about my whole life and he did this all indirectly. I always felt like I wasn’t good enough for him it was horrible. I hope he doesn’t start calling me again i will have to be strong if he does and hang up and block whatever number he tries to use but hopefully he has moved on and forgotten about me completely.
My mother and husband both are sociopath, and Leo.
Both had same emotional controlling and manipulation games
At 19 i used to blame the zodiac sign, at 20 some, I got her out
of my zipcode to make it easier. 3 years ago, my husband got
violent and things spiral down, until now, a domestic violence
case against him. Painfull experience this people. I only survived
because I was raised by my grandmother, with plenty Of love,
healthy boundaries, and God. Secondly Im a life long student,
and train myself to find balance, and help right away.
In the end, they are good people that you want a few counties away
from you. They dont understand people do not need to be
controlled to love you. OR that without manipulation you
can get what you want. NOW they both had in common,
lazy, no desire to live by society standards, not even as
a daily routine. Awful self image, and inflated ego, extremely
ignorant, but feel they are EINSTEIN, about street smarts.
Lastly the more they hurt orhers, the more they self destruct,
and the further they get into an extremely chaotic emotional
state. Good luck, be safe, stay away from confrontation.
My brother is staying with me because his biological father nearly killed him about a week ago. My whole family has told me for a couple years that he is a sociopath but I hadn’t believed any of them since he and I were always very distant but very bonded.. we never lived together in the past since he was with his mom and me with mine. Since he moved in, I have already spotted a lot of the traits of a sociopath and he is already attempting to cause damage to really solid friendships that I have. I feel lost and I don’t know what to do. It’s very difficult being the person who tries to help everyone and you just can’t.
I’ve recently accepted that the woman I love is showing signs of being a sociopath. Due to an overwhelming gut instinct to protect my own moral values and the belief I’ve been manipulated in the context of love, I have ended up on this site and in self doubt brought myself to make a comment. I am smart enough to know I have fallen for falsity, and that what I may feel is a fantasy in which I’ve been lead to have faith in. My question for anyone who may have knowledge is this. How does one go about returning themselves to the former image of what was once their identity, knowing that who they truly are is perceived as one who can be manipulated.
My life has been turned upside down and backwards and then forward. I have been physically assaulted, mentally and emotionally assaulted and in combination. I have never experienced anything that I am now. I came across boxes and boxes of paperwork proving the extent of her rath. I know and see such in movies and the news and such, but truly have never been up close and personal and fear my life at this moment. I have turned all paperwork into proper authorities and because of my relationship with her brother (co dependent), may in fact lose him. Although sad, I couldn’t sleep, or sell my soul and not so what is right. I’m sad and still in awe of all. And as I have digged deeper, have uncovered more than I ever wanted to know. My intention was only to have info to more understand as it was obvious to me she does not agile me out and treats everyone in the same disgusting way and by actions. I am sick to my stomach. I also have discovered why mail in the same names of people that not only don’t live in my home but never have lives I my home. Disgusting. I also know without a doubt, if she knew she could get away with it, would have me killed (of course by someone else as she is ABOVE doing such dirty work. Additionally all info also includes law firms (about 4), lending institutions (I won’t name for fear as I have had two threatening calls and numberless), and I can’t believe the info was even copied. The legal paperwork (illegal actually), is just the facts although illegal as day, but all the private gmails staying playoffs, kickbacks etc that read like a book. I was scared on many levels and made an appointment with a pastor to make sure for some stupid reason (am I crazy?!), I’m doing he right thing which in itself seems ludicrous in my mind. I saw, read, checked up and then checked more and more poking for just one shred of anything to prove me wrong! Not only didn’t I but only led to more and more lies and deciet. ….
Hi I moved into my house about 3 years ago and my Nieghbour was too friendly but her children were lovely always outside when I came home. We got friendly and you chat about most things so she got to know me very well as I don’t have anything g to hide. The more I found out about her the more she would try to make me think everyone else was a bad person and people were spying across our garden and so on. She would try to get me to do things like pay for her guttering as it was joined to mine and just suggest things for you to say I’ll help you with that or you will do it. But I did not like how she is as a person so I decided to cut my ties with her which now I know she is worse than I thought. She lies to her children about me she got someone to chuck a wine bottle at my head which missed but broke the glass on my door. She does strange things to try and intimidate me she has damaged my plants in my garden and her boys ball came into my garden, I threw it somewhere else so as not to get accused of thief. She with her daughter who is 15 is accusing me of theft outside my front door so the nieghbours think I am a bad person. She stalked me up the road to the shops with a smile on her face. I am trying not to get involved and I am moving as soon as my house is finished which I am going try and not let her know about. This woman wants to listen to what you do in your own home, she will target your friends for information about you. She will try to twist the truth about people and there lives just so she thinks she you believe it.
People have figured this girl out and no one likes her no one wants anything to do with her and her children will believe her too. She isolates them and anyone she befriends from the truth which is how she manipulates you. She tends to move from area and to new friends because she gets figured out and then everyone keeps there distance. I have had the police involved twice now and I stopped them last time but I will not this time as she has it coming. She is a nasty person but in my favour not that clever as I have managed to out smart her but it’s not my life to keep worrying about her so moving home us the best option and a lesson learnt for me .
As I read this article…I felt chills pass through me!
I had conducted much research upon Narcissism and as a result, I knew I had been in a relationship with a narcissist. I had no idea I was dealing with a Sociopath. I have a story to tell for certain, and, I have been in contact with people from her past…one of whom is her deceased husband’s brother whom told me…’Words can’t describe how evil Jennifer is, I am sorry Chris what you experienced from her but I assure you my brother paid the ultimate price’!
Her third husband told me she attempted to poison him and that his symptoms matched that of an ALS patient which she claimed he 2nd husband died of.
Also spoke with her Mother over the phone for an hour back in Nov., I will never forget how crushed I felt learning all I did from that conversation. So much more to tell, I have been told I suffer from PTSD now, I am not the man I was before and fear I am forever changed!
A sadist more likely has the NPD tag. The NPD is worse than the regular psychopath, a regular one can still be creative. Both rage both manipulate, both are sick.
My neighbor is a sociopath and has turned so many neighbors against me, and told them I’m crazy when he is the one vandalizing things in my yard, coming in my yard at night. He has gotten a huge amount on his bandwagon against me. Even had some of his friends to follow me. He has done so many things, too numerous to name here, that it would be unbelievable if I told you. It sounds too crazy. He wants me to believe I’m crazy and tells me that all the time. Though he is the one who has been diagnosed with a mental disorder. If it wasn’t for the Lord giving me peace, I would have already lost my mind. He is an ex vietnam vet and presents with hyper vigilance, constantly watching me. He is very disturbed. He admitted he wanted me to move a couple of weeks ago and that is why he is tormenting me. Very sad situation.
Your knowledge on the Sociopath described the man I have been in a relationship with for the past three years perfectly. I am glad I read this. You are right I should dissolve this relationship now but after years of having mixed feelings for him has now resulted in me wanting to get out of this toxic situation I’m 7 months pregnant by him with no income and no family. I’m stuck with the consequence of not listening to my gut feelings and trying to make are relationship work even after seeing the damage and daily red flags. We live together and he pays the bills.Now I feel like I have to give in to everything he asks to avoid confrontation. Do you have any advice? Sincerely, Danielle
My son married a sociopath. He is now in jail as an abuser. She hides her viscous behaviour by playing victim and blaming my son. He’s way up north Florida and I’m 3 hours south. I feel very helpless. They are divorced though; although she has never stopped the manipulation! I’m afraid it’s too late to help hhim, she has manipulated the system so perversely!
I think my 13 year old daughter is a sociopath. I have to try to get her to adulthood and turn her into a caring person but everything i say seems to have little to no impact on her behavior. 5 years of this and all i can do is take it day by day. Help!
Thank you.
Yes I have met exactly that sort of person, to a T
And it’s too early to talk about it, yet…
But soon, thanks to articles like this, it won’t be.
Dear Lisa
Thank-You so much for this excellent article! Your description of sociopaths is spot on! I struggled with my husband (now ex) for many years, and lost countless friends and associates because of his ingeniously devised and manipulative tactics. I didn’t know how to deal with it all as I had no knowledge of narcissism, psychopathy etc. until a friend pointed it out to me. I am truly blessed to have had someone to help me comprehend why this nasty person was doing what he was and why he was getting away with it! I managed to get out of the marriage, but it left my heart, soul and body damaged and my life was in tatters! However, I’m now on the road to recovery and am looking forward to a bright future! Keep up the good work!
Kind regards, Viona
I have recently had a run in (4yrs) with who I am now realizing is a sociopath. I have recently started a legal case against them, but chose to back down once they seemed to have backed off. My lawyer has informed me I have plenty to persue a stalking case. Shoyld I let this go since they have seemed to stop or do sociopaths ever really stop?
First, let me say I really enjoyed your article. I have experienced everything that you mentioned. I know in my heart now that I was born “good”. I’m a very spiritual person so I know now that I have been a target for sociopaths all of my life. My mother is a sociopath and she eventually abandoned me at 14 years old. She literally told me “I don’t want to be tour mother anymore”. What heartless mother would do that to her child? A sociopath with no heart. Because of her abandoning me I was always searching for a friend someone to care and love me. Through the years I learned the hard way. I attracted fake sociopathic friends to me because I was easy prey. I attracted evil manipulative boys and men to me as well because I was so naive and weak. They pick me out million. Iv been molested, raped, beaten, and almost killed by these men that I encountered in my lifetime. My grandmother told me before she died that my mother use d to beat me so hard at time it was like she almost wanted to kill me. It blew my mind that a 90 year old would remember that. Another older woman that was a close friend to my mother also remembered how bad my mother treated me as a child and told my mom to her face on her death bed. Again, I was blown away. My abuse by others started early on with my mom and because I never received love I became vulnerable to the world. I could bore you all day with the women that I encountered in my life time. They want me dead. I was told by many that I am a very beautiful girl inside and out. I view myself as a beautiful person because of who I am on the inside. I don’t consider myself to be this bombshell that others claim that I am. Women have spit on me, put stuff in my food, cut me, jumped me, cut my hair, slept with my sociopathic boyfriends, and so much more. Sociopathic women hate me!!! They feel threaten by me being so humble and nice so they seek to destroy me especially those that I meet at work. Friend/enemies constantly put me down, lie to me, copy everything I do, sleep with my man and steal all my ideas. Iv encountered the “single white female” stalker a lot.
I am also a mother to a sociopath which I believe it skipped me and bounced onto my son because my mother us a sociopath it skipped a generation and this is one of the reasons why my son is a sociopath. My son’s father is also a sociopath so maybe it literally is in his dna. He looks exactly like his dad literally. They look exactly alike so much it’s almost scary. Also my son was molested so that’s the trauma that could have catapulted his behavior since the age of 3.
I’m a 44 year old woman who’s been through a hell of a lot. I learned how to spot a sociopath from experience. I actually learned the proper name for these people in college. Yes, I was a psychology major. Lol.
I also read the “sociopath next door” and it blew my mind. I wish I had this book when I was 14. It would’ve saved my life along with my bible. When I was younger I was naive and didn’t know much about life so it made me a victim to sociopaths. Now, that I’m older and more experienced because of all iv been through I can spot them a mile away. Now, they try to target me because I’m stronger now and in certain situations I call them out. I don’t call them sociopaths to their faces but I let them know that I know what they are up to and they “Will Not” intimidated me or manipulate me. Yes, it always turns into a power struggle. I was just fired from my job because a recent sociopathic woman manipulated a few and instead of them correcting her after I filed a complaint; they got rid of me. Classic! She manipulated them with the “crocodile tears” and they believed her. I feel better now because I can spot them but dealing with them is another challenge especially at work.
Keep me in your prayers.
How to deal with a sociopath. I wish I had read this years ago. It would have made my life much easier. Thank you so much for presenting this information. These are great tools to use for those sociopaths we deal with in our lives.
My ex husband is a sociopath. He has destroyed the relationship I had with my daughter and took advantage of her in order to achieve his goal. Now she does ‘t speak to me and my life has taken such a dyer turn I wake up most mornings wondering what the point is to go on.
I live on the property of a psociopath. I know he has been perpetually poisoning my food or water. I believe I have contracted some serious bacteria in My stomach and I believe it has progressed into serious stomach issues. In trying to find the right kind of medical help since bateria like pylori is not a lite thong. My ears severely ring only when im at home. I know he has some sort of electrical wiring making my ears ring. He has a power saving box that is supposed to save electricity. It has to be what’s making my ear ringing problem.
WhY legal rights do i have over the matter? He is always tainting me by claims of having symptoms that I am actually having.
I’ve been involved with someone with all these characteristics for almost 8 years. It’s destroyed the life I once had. I allowed myself to get involved with this man, knowing it wasn’t the right thing to do. I got caught up. We ended our relationship in March (we are both married, I was, I thought, in love). Turned out he had yet another affair, got caught, came running to me crying because he needed me. I was furious and somehow he has managed to make me feel sorry for the situation he has placed himself in. I hear a lot of how he needs to understand why he hurts the people that ‘care about him’ and he consistently saying what an awful person he is and I find myself sympathizing with him and defending him. He says one things and the following day, completing twists everything around, almost as if to put me in my place. Yet, I can not block him. I have a fear of blocking him and losing him yet, I don’t have him. If I get upset and ignite him, immediately I get the apologies and how great I am. How horrible he is and to please understand he’s confused and hurt. I can’t break out of this. It has disrupted everything in my life, for no reason. He’s a gambler, a cheater, a liar…all those things. He’s funny, charming and he had the tendency to make you feel genuine pity for him. I’m disgusted with myself and my inability to break free.
First of all WOW! There are so many things listed in this article that are exactly what I’ve witnessed in dealing with a sociopath that’s made my daughters life a living Hell for the past 18 months . I honestly feel a sense of relief that , my daughter isn’t the crazy one , even though that’s how she’s being portrayed . My daughters ex boyfriend ( who she dated for 2 short months) has now married a sociopath and for some reason his new wife has fixated on my daughter and Is framing ( for lack of a better word) her . The sociopath will tell anyone who will listen that my daughter is ruining her marriage . She has sent multiple friend requests from her husbands phone to my daughter ,my daughter started screen shotting them and saving them for proof . After several months and many social media requests , my daughter sent a text to both the ex boyfriend and his wife telling them to stop sending these requests and attached the screen shots . Only hours later the sociopath sent an apology to my daughter admitting she had used her husbands phone to send the requests . We were elated we finally would be free of the endless rumours of my daughter stalking this girl and trying to steal her husband .
But alas the joy was short lived when just a week later she changed her cell phone number and told everyone she crossed paths with that she had to get a new cell number because my daughter had been threatening her and frightening her so badly that she sent my daughter an apology and admittance just so her and her husband would be left alone . And so the rumours continue and I am at my wits end trying to keep my daughters spirits up . We’ve looked into what our options are legally but really just have no idea of what our next step is ….
Sociopath I know is a married man who has adulterous relationships. He dominates, has to have total control over everyone around him or he makes his/her life miserable. He gets bored easily; he ignores or avoids people to make them feel worthless. He lies; he makes everyone else look stupid, or attempts to do so. He thinks everyone else is wrong; he won’t listen to reason. He likes to shoot things; he dreams of hurting people. He denies things he has said and done.
Sociopath I know is a married man who has adulterous relationships. He dominates, has to have total control over everyone around him or he makes his/her life miserable. He gets bored easily; he ignores or avoids people to make them feel worthless. He lies; he makes everyone else look stupid, or attempts to do so. He thinks everyone else is wrong; he won’t listen to reason, is very judgmental. He likes to shoot things; he dreams of hurting people. He denies things he has said and done.
My mother has been married to a sociopath for 22+ years. I didn’t realize it until just now, 22 years later, that it wasn’t my fault. I am not a bad person. Though my Buddhist practice says to empathize with him (different from pitying), I think even that is too much. I truly don’t think he can change, nor does he have the desire to.
It’s been a rough journey, but I’m finally learning to let things go and not take it personally, because it’s not. It’s about him.
Your article was very helpful. Thank you for writing it.
My boyfriend is very much seeking self pity, and is becoming indifferent to my emotional needs, and lies to me a lot. I am ready to get away from him after 15 years. He also goes from woman to woman, then comes back to me, claiming he loves me.
One was in my life for 40 something years there is nothing nice about her lying,deceiving, charming, charismatic, streight up fraudulent.
can a parent see a sociopath child? are they blinded by the love for them?
I am a sociopath, and I somewhat find her works insulting. Like, when it says something like “Their like us” or “They look like us”. We`re not different. We`re not aliens. We`re just people, with issues. I`m sure we all have our issues. Though no one else criticizes the Autistic kid who goes to school. Or the kid with down syndrome riding a horse. Not even the dyslexic kid at the library. Why us?
Because your kind do so much harm to others is why.
Lisa,
I am a licensed counselor in Ga involved with a sociopath.
Holy smoke! What a deluge! Do you work with sociopaths
Or who do you recommend that does?
Thanks janet?
I almost married this exact characteristic so there is no help for her?
My daughter is a master manipulator able to get large amounts of people to believe her tragic srories. She is getting ready to experience her second divorce, having sxreamed at this poor gut for years. She had sex with another man but blames her husband for all of her erratic behavior. She has already abandoned her two oldest children and has 3 nore now. She’s hinting about taking a job with a company that will ” unfortunately take her away from her children. She has taken my childhood past as her own and slandered me all over social media. She has done this to countless individuals when they don’t let her have her way. There are 2 people on this planet that I am truly afraid of, my mother and my daughter.when your 35 year old is a sociopath with children, you can’t simply cut your losses and run. I would then look like a grandmother who deserted her grandchildren. Ugh.
I literally live next door to a sociopath. Since she moved in 5 years ago she took some almost instant dislike to me. I basically ignored her but sometimes she was abusive and aggressive so I reported her to the police. This is how it finally dawned on me she was a sociopath. I did not find out until years later that she was telling the most outrageous lies about me and causing people in authority to pity her. So much so they began to attack me and ironically ( and most painfully) accuse me of behaving like she does. I would go for an interview with interested agencies and be treated like I was the unstable one. I believe I was subject to a form of gaslighting. I did get very very depressed and anxious after a year of this. It was just so insane and unjust. I just didn’t understand. I couldn’t figure it out… Then I finally realised that my neighbour was a sociopath who could manipulate people with ease. Get them to believe the unbelievable. I cross examined her in court myself and discovered she had no emotion, no guilt, no conscience abput lying. She would lie to get out of a lie. Produce crocodile tears… I saw her act with my own eyes and ears… You know what? Even I felt pity for her!! How could she do that? I was duped. No wonder others were duped. Astonishing. Totally astonishing. Has anyone else experienced such a person? My life has been almost ruined because of her.
A few years ago I was emotionally abused by my partner, so his sociopathic friend took advantage by flattering, treating me like a princess, it was a magical 2 years. Then I reacted and he won the game so stopped being nice, flattering. Broke my heart. I’m stuck seeing him as we play darts together and my partner would be even more suspicious if I stopped going. My partner adores him, never saw the cruel side, maybe cuz he’s one too? I asked his friend why he doesn’t say nice things anymore he replied only if I deserve it! Is there anything I can do to protect myself from being hurt further? I feel like I’m in Dangerous Liasons. Thank you.
I have ended up having a child with a sociopath, who withheld our baby for a 6 days and 6 night from me his mother, which affected our son and made him so clingy with me I couldn’t even leave the room without him getting in a panic. I took him to court and luckily had an amazing solicitor who understood the genuine conflicts and trusted her instinct as he even tried to lie in court and then enough evidence was presented to prove his lies….makes me wonder what happens in many legal cases where the sociopath is believed and the other parent has been so abused by the ex’s sociopathic ways that they are haven’t got the support or help they need?
Continuing from above, the scary thing is, is that my ex partner has totally denied withholding our son to everyone and himself, yet the police, the law and everyone around knows that this event happened, yet he has deluded himself that it never happened…..v strange and I’m concerned for our son in case he hurts him….. Why is someone a sociopath? What makes them this way?
There are many articles online that describe this. People can be born psychopathic but the way they are raised can have an impact on how they turn out. It is a nature vs nurture thing with both playing a part.
Recently realised my mom is probably a sociopath…now I’m middle aged. And it beats me how I simply couldn’t see her the way she is…all these years. Or is that a condition people can acquire over the years? Which then brings me to the question of what really made her turn into one… And what if any is my contribution to the process.
This entire article describes my father perfectly. he was a single father that did everything he could to take me from my mother and her family. I’m now 25 and avoid him due to his absolutely ridiculous lies seeking out pity, and to seek safety from his violent trigger personality.
Unfortunately I’ve turned into somewhat of an untrusting hardass. I’m hyper aware of authenticity in people. I don’t know what’s appropriate in a long term relationship. My father is trying to get back into contact with me and this list was a wonderful reminder to not even begin to entertain him.
I’ve been friend with this guy for almost a year now. I’ve noticed his different. The way he talks. His undeniable charm and just the way he manipulates. I’ve read the article and i can say for sure being 100% positive ; I’m dealing with a sociopath. All the signs are there. Best advice I guess is to break bonds and just stay away. Very scary thought actually when one comes to think about it , They come through as normal as can be and hide it all so well…
I have been living with a sociopath for the last 8 months. I am the owner of a property in Washington and decided to rent out the two free rooms in the apartment. One of the tenants I entered into a legal agreement with is a 33 year old male that is still completing his Bachelors degree. I am not sure that I want to go into the details, but his constant and relentless presence in my home has caused me considerable grief, stress, and anxiety. This article is spot on in many regards. One of the PIN’s that Stout defined, Typecasting, was of particular interest to me, because I was confronted with similar situations on a regular basis. However, the explanation in this article is not broad enough to fully describe the identifiable characteristic. In my case, it seemed like the sociopath could not control his thoughts and would blurt out statements with the intention of receiving a specific reaction which would thereby verify his assumptions of my disposition towards him. For example, I started spending more and more time at my girlfriends place towards the end of his rental contract because it became unbearable. This did not go unnoticed by the narcissist, and upon one occasion when I was at home, he bluntly stated that it seems like I am spending much more time away from home now that we are nearing the end. I don’t know what he is expecting me to say in these situations? “Yes I don’t like you, and I would prefer to spend time away from you and forget about your existence”? These questions and statements have been an everyday part of my life for far too long now. I come home from a stressful day at work only to arrive in a household with a toxic entity that has no consideration for anything or anyone but himself. One of the largest issues is that he did not respect me as a landlord – perhaps because I am 7 years younger than him. This made him feel the need to question everything I suggested with regard to the running of the household and the administrative tasks. I have done so much for him, and still he makes it seem like I am ripping him off and stealing his money. He has no idea what a good deal he has done by living with me. I have been taken advantage of from every corner – consciously… Only because I believed that it was the best option to keep him pleased and happy, because the alternative would be an even more uncomfortable living environment. This has been one of the most morally depleting experiences of my life. I have only scratched the surface with my explanation of the character himself, but it is beyond comprehension that such people exist, and that I let one of them into my home…
My mother was one. I never understood why she
Singled me out to hurt. She would do things that were
Horrible and I could rarely prove it. I read an article about
Sociopathic traits and realized, this was what she was. She’s gone but
The pain is still there. She wanted to see me die. I have a very hard
Time to this day but knowing it wasnt me, helps me.
This article was very helpful. I believe my husband’s younger brother is married to a sociopath. I have felt crazy at times dealing with her. She lies more than anyone I have ever met and if you ask her about the lies she turns it around on you. Mainly me. I am her target. We are close in age. When my husband and I chose our wedding date I invited her to be a part of the wedding party. She turned around and told my husband’s family her new wedding date (mine.) I called her to tell her I love her and wanted to really have a relationship. She responded with “I can’t believe you are speaking to me this way. I am going to make it to where no one ever sees *younger brother again. He will never come around.” And she told everyone I called her yelling. My husband and I went over to their home to mend things and she went to bed when we rang the doorbell. We invited them over several times they never showed up. She posted on Facebook I physically assaulted her and that she was going to press charges. When I asked her she said “I can’t believe you are bringing this up. You just can’t help yourself” my mother in law asked her why she lied and she yelled at my mother in law. Yet when *younger brother got home she was back to “normal” acting as if nothing happened. Nine years of my mind being blown. Worst part is she acts really nice around my husband’s family and *younger brother tells them all he doesn’t understand why my husband stays away from them. It’s so confusing. I am forced to be around them at family functions. There is so much more. I honestly have never been around his type of behavior and it scares me a little bit to be honest. Once my mother in law was telling all of her siblings how impressed she was that I am still friends with all of my childhood friends and I have a large supportive group. That night when no one was around *younger brothers wife started yelling at me telling me I was so jealous of her because she was still friends with all her childhood friends. ??? Mind blown. The list just goes on and on. She isn’t able to hold down a job because everywhere she works “people gang up on her because they are jealous”. For the first 7 years of the relationship *younger brother would never come around. And it’s a close knit family. So now everyone pretends nothing is wrong and I feel resentful because I feel that no one is helping my husband and I or protecting us. But I don’t want to feel that way either. And if I try to stay away husband’s family gets very very upset too. 🙁
Hello, I feel that I am dealing with a sociopath at work. She has gone to management stating that I am messing up her work when, in fact, she is messing and destroying my work. I have received 2″ nails in my mailbox along with ripped-up paper and forms letters that we use in the office. Then she is tells my manager that I am putting garbage in her mailbox. She has called my house and I know it is her because I have caller ID on my TV and it shows what company is calling, time and date. When I get to the phone, she hangs-up. I took pictures of my TV screen showing calling ID and forward to my boss. My boss stated, “we can’t prove that it’s her”. One day, she didn’t realize that her voice got recorded on my answering machine when her call got connected. I let my boss hear the recording. She knows how to manipulate and tells lies to others. She hides office supplies on me and tells everyone that she thinks I’m sick. What hurts the most, is that I management that maybe a little lazy or maybe don’t care. ????
My question is, am I dealing with a sociopath or any type of sick personality?
Appreciate you advice.
You may be dealing with any of the cluster b personalities. The best advice would be to keep your head down, don’t cause any waves , but start job hunting immediately. Do not let them know of your plans and keep all personal information to yourself as it will be used against you . Keep conversation strictly related to work and every time they ramble bring the topic back to work at hand. If they are toxic then things will only get worse so focus on job hunting as there are good people out there. Best of luck
Its finally sunk in that the person I have been trying to help is a sociopath. She calls people and for each has a script of their weaknesses, to bring up old pain. Her problems are all due to discrimination or outright theft of her inheritance. I tried to make an agreement with her, but she doesn’t believe it is true, and doesn’t expect me to do my part of the bargain. She accepts no criticism or guidance or direction. I am glad I found your article to help me set up barriers.
I took my neighbor’s mentally-disabled homeless adult daughter in from off the streets. The sociopath had me fooled for several weeks, posing herself as the victim, “she’s just a druggie, such a terrible kid,” trying to enlist me against her as a minion. When I didn’t budge or cave in to mom’s agenda, the woman repeatedly tried to sabotage my efforts to get the kid into treatment, even as far as putting stuff in her “gifts” of food to make the girl sick. What a true piece of work.
fantastic article! I’ve had two sociopath roommates in a row. The first one was very difficult to live with, and as you know, it’s pretty hard to describe the things they did. I was pretty sure that they would die or go to jail in the next six months, but i decided to move out, which in hindsight was the obvious choice, but while being subtly manipulated, it was very difficult. They ended up crashing their motorcycle and dying a few months later. The second one alternated between being mildly and incredibly terrible to live with. When you had nearly had it, they would lay low again. I lived with them for a long time simply to prove to myself that they couldn’t make me give up and move, but i won’t be trying to prove it again. Hopefully i’ll spot them instantly, but if not i’ll change my situation asap. it’s just not worth it, no matter how cheap rent is or whatever… Thanks for the great article. I’ll be roommate hunting again soon 🙂
Sadly, my ex wife. I say sadly, not because of the pain and damage done to me, although it was extensive. But because we had a child together and now share custody. Every other week I’ve had to send my child to her house.
Now I’m working to gain full custody, but without physical abuse it’s a very challenging road. And with the continual hate spewed from her, it makes it emotionally and energetically expensive to communicate with her.
Everyone should know how to spot sociopathic behavior. It could save your life and the lives of those you love.
I married a sociopath in 1982 and left him in 1991. At that time, I had a son who was 5 and a daughter was less than 6 months. I had just gotten out the hospital for bone cancer surgery a week before I left him. I was in a cast from my ankle to the top of my thigh.
During our marriage, he broke my bones, considered marital rape as his right, frequented prostitutes and spent the hours between the time he got off work and eight o’clock with mistresses.
He would go into terrible rages with no provocation, scream, and foam at the mouth, hit me, and threaten to kill me. Our son, was terrified of him. When it came time for his father to come home, he would hide behind the sofa or go down into the basement and ride his big wheel around & around in circles.
When my Mother would visit, my son would tell her she should not stay with us as his Daddy was going to kill us all and if she were there, he would kill her too.
Often, when Frank went off I would draw his attention and suffer his rages to save my son from his wrath. My son had the chance to hide until it was over.
I was on crutches when I left him. I sent my ex-husband to arrange for daycare for my daughter as I could not care for her while using crutches. Before he got back, I had sent my son to a neighbor’s and told her to disappear for several hours, and another friend carried my daughter to her house.
I had called the police. They arrived just before my husband got back to the house. They informed me that since I had no visible bruises or open wounds (I was on crutches), they could not force him to leave the house. So, I asked them to protect me from him while I left. I didn’t even take diapers or formula for my daughter. Left without a purse any car keys or money.
Within 2 hours after I left, he closed out our bank accounts & charge cards. and changed the locks on our house.
I left with friends & moved 4 hours away to stay with my Mother in the country. He would call me nearly every night, promising me he would change if only I would come home to him. When he got tired of pretending he cared, he began threatening me. He would come & take my son. Finally, I got angry & told him…”Come on. If you make it past the neighbors & they are both military ….If you make it to the front door, I have an automatic shotgun, all I have to do is point it in your direction and hold on….Then, we will scrape your remains from the deck, bury them in the lower field, sink your car in the river….and no one will miss you.”
That was the last time he threatened me with physical harm.
He was evaluated by the Fairfax County psychologist whose main responsibility was to determine IF convicted felons were no longer a threat to the community. After meeting with my husband, Dr. Sa***** then wanted to speak with my son. So, I brought him to his office. After speaking with my son, Dr. Sa***** asked to speak with me. His first statement was,” You are not responsible for the failure of your marriage. Very early in our session, I diagnosed your husband as a sociopath. You and your children were very lucky to have gotten away from him alive.” He answered a couple of my questions. “No, your husband is not insane. If he were insane we could fix him. And, “No, your son is a normal little boy–not at all like his father.”
He then recommended supervised daytime visitation to the Court . For the next 5 years, Dr. S***** would show up in court recommending the same visitation restrictions. Then, during one of our infrequent meetings between us with our lawyers present, Frank promised not to contest Dr. S******’s visitation recommendations as he no longer wanted to pay for his evaluations or court time.
However, once in court, he verbally requested a revision of his visitation schedule and claimed to have taken an anger management class. (Dr. ***** was NOT in the court and it was revised.) No more supervised visitation.
Of course, when my lawyer explained that I worked 45+ minutes from home, and lived 6+ hours from his house,– Frank insisted HE wanted his children at 6 PM on Friday every other weekend. The judge replied, “no problem, Mr. Mullin, you may pick up your children at 6 from their Mother every other Friday and return them to their Mother on Sunday at 6.”
When my children no longer had supervised visitation, they were afraid to visit him. I gave each of them a phone care (replaced with a cell phone) with instructions as what to do it it got bad.
Frank went through a series of lawyers. The first refused to work with him again after our first time in Court. The second requested that the Judge allow him to withdraw as his lawyer after his first time representing him in court. That lawyer actually stated in open court that Frank had threatened him and he feared for his life.
More than once, the bailiff had to protect me from Frank’s wrath when he lost. After a while, the Judge would have the bailiff remove Frank from the courtroom to search him for weapons before he would enter the court. Made me wonder why the Court considered allowing him to come to court again & again to have visitation with young children IF the Judge was afraid of him.
Frank took me to court 44 different times, including twice filing with the Virginia State Supreme Court when he did not get what he wanted. He used the Courts to punish me for having left him.
When my son was a senior in high school, he spent most of that year out of school because he had a series of bone surgeries (with fixators). He was not able to graduate on time. I asked Frank if he would continue paying child support for my son for 1 more school year. He refused. That was the only time I took him to court. and won.
In fact, during that court session, he pissed off the judge so much by claiming I was making up my son’s health issues just to continue milking him for child support (at the time, he was making $150,000 per year and whining about paying $11,000 in child support for both children). So, the judge ruled that my Frank would continue paying child support until my disabled son graduated from high school and college and became self-supporting.
Never before had I allowed either of my children read the official court rulings. This time though, my son had just turned 18 and asked to see it. I gave it to him, and he shared it with his 13 year old sister. The next time their father called, my daughter answered the phone and said, “Hi Daddy! I think you are a @#%&*&^ for telling the judge that Matt is faking his pain. I don’t ever want to talk with you again.” and hung up the phone. She used that same line every time he called.
Frank continued to take me to court on a regular basis and lost every time until July 2010–the day I buried my Mother. Because I was not in the court, he got rid the judgement for paying any child support for our disabled son.
I paid to go to court every time because I was never again going to be afraid of him. Now, we live about 8 hours away, he does not know our phone numbers, he send cards on their birthdays & at Christmas. We never respond.
My children want nothing to do with him. They call him the “sperm donor”.
I will end with a funny story. Frank is one of 10 children from a strict Catholic family. Every year, they have a family reunion. And every year they asked us to come. A couple of years ago, my children decided to attend ONLY if his family would promise their father would not be invited and realize that if HE showed up, we would immediately leave.
We were having lunch, when one of my ex-sisters in law suddenly asked me If I knew what was wrong with Frank. Her husband is a Doctor and she is trained in Psychology. I looked at them and said, “I sure do….he is a sociopath.”
Dead silence in the room.
I went on to explain that I did not make the diagnosis, it was done by Dr. S***** after our 1st court date.
Now, she was a trained psychologist, her husband a trained Doctor and everyone in that family was afraid to be alone in the same room with Frank. During the 10 years we were married, they visited with him either at our house or one of their houses ONLY as a group of at least 20 people. They knew, they just didn’t want to admit it.
No one ever told me about his behavior towards his family before I married him. None of them told me that he had attacked all of this 3 brothers while they were teenagers and each ended up in the hospital. None of them mentioned that he put his mother in the emergency room at 16 years old. They all hoped/believed/prayed that I could/would change him.
I could not change him, but I did survive to raise my children without his constant influence. We may have been broke–going to Court used to cost about $10,000 per trip—-we may not have had fancy houses or annual vacations—BUT we were happy, safe and now at peace.
I am hoping that my email and will be edited out of the comments section.
My daughter is one she keeps wanting to use me and come back i my life very scarry
“…sociopath or psychopath (the terms are interchangeable)…” No. No, they’re not.
A psychopath is more organized, and more fascinated with the concept of control. They are harder to spot BECAUSE of this. You will sense that something is “off,” but once they get settled, they blend in very well. When they stop blending, they will often leave and start over somewhere else (and often have the means – psychopaths make very successful employees because they’re more focused on the bottom line). Most emotionally and covertly-physically abusive people fall under this umbrella.
Sociopaths are more about just getting what they want, damn the consequences. They don’t hide in plain sight – they just are what they are, and they’re much easier to spot, because their actions create a wide berth between them and those around them. They’re often not able to hold down a steady job, they almost never have close relationships, and while they don’t always have violent tendencies, they tend to come across as very callous…because they just don’t have the capacity to give a crap. Strangely, sociopaths are less likely to be as abusive because of this lack of caring about how they’re perceived. If they are abusive, they’re caught very quickly.
They’re VERY different, and that difference is extremely important.
Remember Patrick Bateman from “American Psycho”? He’s the most accurate depiction of a psychopath I’ve ever seen in a visual medium.
Please take out that “modifier,” it’s incorrect, and leads to misconceptions that can harm people (either those who suffer from the disorders, or those who come into contact with them and need to know how to deal with them).
Thank you for your feedback!
My aunt is the classic sociopath and I feel more anger than relief toward her.Actually,the last part of the end intrigues me but doesn’t seem to be coming soon enough.She uses the fact that she had some illness to manipulate us as to why she’s so evil and angry.
I feel like I have met a few. I recognize them at some point and I wondered why I have met so many and reading this cleared it up. One in twenty-five. I fell in love with a sociopath and didn’t know it until he was gone. But tonight it hit me that a person that has a certain amount of power over me, financially, is a sociopath. I had to talk to her and her response was so without empathy and cold, it was disturbing. She was almost like a robot, no feelings. Almost like she wasn’t a real person. It’s hard to explain but when I talked to someone about it, they said that many others described this person the same way, without empathy. I have to be around this person but I am going to try to stay away as much as possible.
I have to disagree with some of the things being said here about not feeling any emotion at all. In truth we won’t feel any sense of guilt or remorse for the majority of our actions but some of us still feel it, but very rarely. Some of us can still feel guilt and remorse, but only by a chance of 1 out of every 100 negative things we do. Yea, obviously doesn’t do any justice but it’s there.
Some of us actually do have connections with emotion to certain things because being a sociopath is determined by your upbringing. I grew up with animals, not human compassion, which is why I may cry or get angry about animal abuse, but not care at all about the death of some stranger. Also some of us don’t really care about manipulating random people, it’s too exhausting, not denying that it happens though. I myself may manipulate vulnerable people but only if they some how get involved with my life, sometimes I can’t help but end up being somebody’s ‘friend’ even though the term friend means nothing to me.
In short, yes, you can call us monsters, but it’s not our fault. Sometimes it’s not the parent’s fault either, it could chalk up to mental illness or not willing to raise a child, maybe the child was an accident like in my case and the parents just weren’t ready to take such a responsibility. Also it’s highly unlikely that we’ll beg for you to not rat us out if we end up being found out. It’s more of a “Oh, okay, fun’s over whatever, moving on.” we don’t really care.
Finally if you want to ‘spot’ a sociopath, though I’m not sure how reliable this is, when we don’t want to talk to you or you’re annoying us, we will very bluntly say it. Not even going to soften the blow, we’ll tell you “You’re so annoying.” or “Would you go away already?” no matter how close you are to us. Also we do value some people in our life when it comes to trust. It’s very rare to find someone we like enough not to screw with, so when we do we really value it. Word of advice though, never do anything like take a bullet for us, I assure you we’d never do the same. If you’re going to be friends with a sociopath you better let them know you’re aware of them being one. If they stick around to continue chatting with you or hang out, then chances are they don’t plan on hurting you and you can be proud that a sociopath considers you special enough to them to keep in their life.
I’ve been in a relationship with one for 3 year in which the last two I’ve been trying to end it. He no longer lives with me but within me. He has tried to get me I escaped only after he busted out my car window in an attempt to cause me bodily harm. He tells me over and over how he is going to kill me in a voice that I will never be able to forget. I am not the first victim, I can only hope I’m the last, as I know and believe that karma will catch up with him. He is the true definition of an evil drug addicted, violent, narcissistic, sex addicted, sociopath. The tattoo that he has left on me and the ones before me are ugly and painful. I hope all of this will be over soon no matter what the end has in store. I am fearfully going to the law tomoorow as a last resort. I know deep down this will push him over the top and he will snap as one would say. No ones knows what tomorrow has in store. All I know I’m ready to fight the fight proud and strong in hopes that it will all end soon.
a sociopath is relatively easy to determine.
1) why would anyone want to move in with you asap?
2)constantly follow you from room to room
3)expose their horrific tales about their abuse asap
4) say you are their soul (after a few days)
5) tell you ‘we are special’
6) we met for a reason, I made you better
7) why are you pushing me away?
8) stonewall… remain silent when you try to discuss something problematic
9 ) incessantly talk about their exes
10) shower you with gifts
11) stare at people in a trance like state, exceeding 30 seconds
12) always blame you for their wrongs ‘you made me do it or you made the wrong choice
13) create an email for us mysoul……
14) show immaturity
15) crocodile tears
16) say random comments like ‘you couldn’t handle the truth’
17) forget their own fabricated lies
18) tell you they love you as soon as they meet you
19) their actions never match their flowery words
20) it isn’t rocket science… if it seems to good to be true it is, its fake its an illness never take it personally take it with a pinch of salt and get the true victim the sociopath out of your life …. you wouldn’t watch an animal starve and deny it food it at the same time, so why feed a sociopath assisting them to learn new angles of manipulation to use on future innocents. These people are unwell, DO NOT FEED THEM … or perhaps you would if you too were a sociopath too
Thanks for reading
Number 19 in my experience is the most important
I live with a 20 year old sociopath, I say this because everything I have read is exactly her. I want to have her move out but I know what she is capable of when you tell her something she doesn’t want to hear. Her mother lives next door and they’re just alike. She will go crazy when I say “No”. I’m very stressed out trying to figure a way out. I have taken care of her animals every day and when she is here she doesn’t treat them very nice. No responsibility whatsoever. Any suggestions?
Ended an engagement with one on Christmas Eve – a nightmare i never imagined was possible..
Best of luck, there are good people out there, you will come out stronger and will meet good people
I have a neighbor who kills animals and brags about it! He has so long manipulated the neighborhood that he actually puts his gun out the window and tries to shoot geese and ducks, etc… Several neighbors have bullet holes in their homes. They do not report this behavior because they are afraid of retaliation. I am new to the neighborhood and cannot wrap my mind around the fact that this behavior is tolerated. There is an elementary school right down the street. We have videos of this man shooting geese in the head. I am disgusted!!
I wished I had this kind of information years ago. I would like a copy of the book. I was married to a sociopath.
Does a sociopath feed off the misery he causes others to have? Why are they so heartless? Why isn”t this taught in schools the danger they cause?
Narcissists feed off negative and positive supply. Psychopaths are indifferent and could care less. They are born different. Their brains are different, there are studies on this. They cannot feel emotions like empathy as normal people can, and they do not see the point of rules or feelings unless it serves a need for them. They see everything and everyone as objects to fulfill their needs.
Hi Lisa! My name is Jan Nash, I have MS, and I live in a high-rise building in Duluth, MN (low-income building) I’ve lived here for 10 years. For the past five years, I have a man living across from me who fits the sociopath descriptions perfectly. I’ve also discussed him with my doctors, and they agree. He has been intimidating, bullying, and just making the other tenants on the floor miserable, two of which had to move because of his harassment, control, and psychological bullying. The management tried to get him evicted, but he appealed in court and it was dropped. When he starts a fight or gets drunk and gets loud and vulgar in his apartment, we’ve called the cops. They come and talk to him, but then I’m always the one who ends up with urine, vomit, etc. on my door. I’m 61 years old on disability, the other tenants on this floor are either elderly and retired, currently work, and my one neighbor and I are both on SS disability for our MS. This guy (his name is Terry), is a big guy, 6’3″ and probably close to 280 lbs. He likes to be the center of attention, has assaulted two other tenants, and he put bruises on my arms from grabbing me. We all signed a letter to the management explaining how frustrated we are having to live scared like we do. He’s a habitual liar, steals, and he likes to bring home the occasional homeless man to have loud, vulgar sex with. He usually ends up in a fight with these guys when they realize what he’s trying to do and try to get out, but there are some who stay and put up with it.
The problem is that the managers, tenants on other floors, owners of the building don’t realize what a threat he is. I don’t have mental illness, I worked in the medical field as a surgical tech, medical assistant, hospital pharmacy tech for over 25 years. This guy is dangerous. We occasionally have dinners where tenants either bring a dish or contribute a few bucks. Terry comes in and will actually take enough food that not all people get anything. The problem is that everyone is afraid of him and won’t say anything. I’ve read “The Sociopath Next Door,” and I’ve tried to educate my neighbors and the manager, but they say HIS rights have to be protected. He always goes to other people’s apartments wanting money, food, etc. People give it to him because they’re afraid not to. He even tried to get another neighbor to take out a loan for him for $1l000.00. That neighbor said no. I have a neighbor who is in his 70s, and recently found out that his prostate cancer is back, and he now has a mass in his colon. Terry asked him for money a week ago, and when this neighbor told Terry to do something like donate blood or get a job, Terry started yelling at him and wouldn’t let him go back into his apartment. I went out and just told Terry that the yelling stops right now, go back into your apartment. After calling me the same things he always calls me (f–king b—h), he left. I talked to the manager, and she did call him into the office to tell him to leave the tenants alone. Now he also goes to both the YMCA and the local Essentia Health Clinic’s exercise/workout/pool program (free for him). He told a neighbor he doesn’t work out, he just likes to ‘hang’ with the old people. We thinik he’s just trolling for other vulnerable people to scam or steal from.
Anyway, it’s impossible to put six years’ worth of bad things he’s done to people, but when I saw this blog, it just felt good to vent to someone. He’s dangerous, cold, mean, and can’t leave anyone alone. Thanks for listening, thanks for letting me vent. We’re at a loss as far as how to get him out of our building. We used to socialize in the hall every Sunday morning with our coffee before Terry came, but now we can’t do that because he has to come out and make fun of us, dance stupidly, or take over the conversation. The last time, he talked about how he likes seeing animals get abused (I have a dog and there are four cats on the floor). We don’t dare let our pets slip out without our supervision. Sorry I’ve been rambling. Thanks again. Jan
Steve Sipple, a charming and charismatic guy, who conned thousands out of my friend and others. Claimed to be a Navy Seal (Being ex Military, I checked, he was not ) , He claimed he had pancreatic cancer and faked passing out a lot– when things were not going his way. It turns out he was married with 4 kids. He even tried the famous Iie,,” I am in the middle of getting a divorce and I will stick by you.” It was very unfortunate this guy stole valor, committed fraud and adultery. The guilt he laid on her was very strong, because she was “the most trusting person in the room” — if you will. I bet the next guy she dates will get a full background check. And she probably is kicking herself for not researching this guy and realizing most people die within a year of having that type of cancer.
He used her as a pawn in his “mental spy game”, that was being played in his head. She had just gone through a major breakup and was in a desperate broken state, he must of “smelled this”, from many miles away. I also heard he told someone else that he worked for the CIA and he would go into vast detail about his missions and stolen valor. Being ex military, my friends and I never talk about what we did, it’s just not good practice and most don’t get it or become scared of you. You don’t want fear, you want respect.
Thank you for your insight and the very descriptive attributes of a sociopath. I hope Karma comes back and bites this guy real hard. I have a feeling that it will. There are not many Navy Seals around and now one of them knows and plans to have a talk with this guy.
I realize this was written years ago. I found it by doing a search…looking for relating tips. I know someone who fits the description above. Lying and manipulative are understatements, but I also think there are some real underlying needs. I truly care about her but avoid her because of what you described above. I have children to protect as well as my own well-being. I think I’m going to talk to a social worker to see what can be done for her…but still try to stay out of it as much as possible. Thanks for your blog post.
What would you do if this sociopath is your mother? She’s making me crazy
There is a sociopath at my job who has recently began to target me because I realized what she was and stopped playing into her craziness. She complains her way into getting what she wants, and when she feels like she can’t manipulate or control someone she creates a problem or again just complains about them as a worker or whatever she can think of. I feel bullied by her and am handling it ok, but it’s hard. It’s constant drama with these people and even when you just stay out of it, they won’t be ignored, or rather when they can’t control you they freak out and try something else. It’s hell.
The best way to deal with this is to keep your head down, try not to cause any waves but most importantly, start job hunting immediately. Do not let them know of your plans and keep your information strictly professional and on a need to know basis. Every time they ramble off topic bring it back to work at hand. Any personal information you share will be used against you. Inevitably you cannot beat them at their own game without being a sociopath yourself and things will get worse . Make job hunting a priority as there are good and normal people out there. Best of luck .
I have experienced several sociopaths dating online. They seem to ” pool” there where there’s plenty of fish.. literally. They will straight up lie to u, eyeball to eyeball and can appear very unassuming. The one I encountered seemed like an outdoorsy kind of guy, who liked fishing. I never thought this type man would fit the bill.. being dangerous.. He was unassuming… You just don’t associate.. at least I didn’t.. geese on the walls, fish magazines, and quiet lake living with an ” imposter” . But, yep they come in all varieties.
This man wasn’t handsome, but could be very charming and ” normal” . I had the *^€< scared out of me, when the first red flag showed up. Out of no where, he flew into violent rage, over a trivial matter in the midst of a calm nice afternoon. He approached me stating he wanted to " punch me in the face". Taken aback, scared, and in shock.. I backed away like suddenly encountering a bear in the woods. I knew something was horribly wrong…. take my advice.. When it acts crazy just one time.. Run!!!! Don't look backwards. Don't question it.. Just keep going.. It's not something I would wish on anyone.. These are not full human beings.. They are dangerous creeps. Go with ur gut!
I have spent three years with a true sociopath. He has so much charm and magnetism, people do anything he wants and all adore him. He is very nervous and verbally violent and yet he charms the pants off everyone. He has gas lighted me to the point I could no longer discern reality from fiction. It got so bad with his lying and his acting out on social media and denying it.I thought I was having a nervous break down. So to check my reaIity I contacted his ex wife of 13 years. It was my best decision. Her testimony of his abuse was so extreme. It saved me years of mental torture. He had beaten her regularly. Slammed her face into a sink and broke out her front teeth, stomped her on the floor, punched her. Threatened to kill her. She stuttered Ashe spoke and was on 4 medications, She had regular panic attacks and wasn’t even a bit better. Even though it was 6 years later! My heart broke for her as she spoke. She went on to tell me the 2 women before her were in court for him beating them both. He had never touched me ,but my day was coming had I not called her. The idea that this man can cheat and lie and abuse violent ly all these women without consequence burns me up. H has a child out of wedlock she said he called him the bastard child. The things she told me made me feel terrified. I’m suffering with PTSD from his dramatic episodes and continual torment of intrigue with other women. I shake now and have lost my self worth. My life has become a shell of nothingness. He has managed to dslodge my joy, my peace and my identity systematically by telling me what reality is. The moment a promise is broken, a lie is told and a verbal abuse is sent. This is a personality disordered person incapable of change. I believe we all need a class on these people in high school. I’ve met more than a few being a sweet,kind person. I wish I had a name for it years ago. God bless those survivors. It’s hell on earth.Sincerely,Maggie
My brother and possibly my mother is a sociopath. I have always had to protect myself from both of them, although only recently did I become aware that my mother has textbook traits.
yes! I was totally unaware of my dealings with a sociopath until I read sociopath next door. It felt like I was reading about my ex and the past 4 years with him.
It began with his self-pitying “terrible home life” that he just couldn’t face. This happened after he saw that I had an apartment that he described as “magical.” He began asking me for favors and relying on me for anything and everything. Eventually, I realized that I was his servant and I got fed up! When I did, he became hostile and emotionally abusive accusing me of not wanting him to have x,y and z (basically the things that my help – if taken away- would eliminate from his life…never considering the vast amount of help given in the first place)
He was very good at pushing my buttons and knew exactly what to say to get the desired reaction. He was very very quick to start a fight and seemed to get upset over very minor disturbances.
He was a frequent liar….and made crazy claims – One time I asked him why he showed no interest in marriage, and he responded “well I had planned to buy a wedding ring this weekend, but now I guess I am not going to” Another time, when he told me he felt sick, I told him that he was “always sick” whenever I asked him to hang out. To that he responded, “You know, I am actually beginning to feel better” Instances like these showed me he had no qualms about lying in order to manipulate me or the situation.
Sometimes I look back and I can’t believe that I stayed with him all these years, but then I remember that I was in a mentally abusive relationship and one that was emotionally and physically exhausting. It is no surprise that I didn’t feel that I could leave. He would drain me so much emotionally, that I could not function in other areas of my life. This would only reinforce how much I needed him making the cycle only that much harder to break.
It required moving to another state to really get away from him. Although I feel stronger now and perhaps safe from his games, I don’t want to risk him doing whatever it takes to entangle me once again.
I am so grateful for your forum.Much thanks again. Awesome. Tulino
wow! I love the ending to this. I’ve been throwing my SP up into the universe and praying for Karma of the universe to do its thing! I finally made contact with another human being, that confirmed and affirmed everything I’d been through the last 3 years. on may 11, I ended it once and for all with him, found him on a dating sight which was a little more humiliating than the porn! I have not seen him since. 8 days later , it all came together from an attorney friend at a wake, next day a piece of mail arrives with his employers address so i called him to return the mail. we met at a restaurant and finding out my SP had been fired but didn’t like that, so he basically attacked the employer even spit his face. therefore, the authorities were called (of course, lots of run ins with the law) apparently my SP was hurt and an ambulance was called, the employer was only protecting himself. I don’t know all the details but I can finally wrap my head around this just knowing another human being that was around his behavior long enough to confirm what I’d experienced. I’ve detoxed and been restored to some kind of sanity. Of course, he has emailed me, called my number and texted me, although it’s all BLOCKED. just seeing his number gives me the creeps. I’m waiting for Karma some more to show up 🙂
I have been totally manipulated by a cunning Sociopath, but what’s worse is he’s using my daughter to get to me.
In the very beginning I recognised this man for what he truly is. On the other hand he hates me with every fiver of his being, because I won’t let him manipulate me in ant way. Also, I’ve protected my daughter by shielding her from his destruction. She called me three or more times a day in hysterics over the drama that effected her every day life. I gave her solid advise and when she felt strong she used it.
I clearly recognised things for what they were and before long realised my daughter was the most niece person I had ever met.
She found out a lot about him by calling his bluff, and when he mentioned anything at al she bagan to investigate. She found out he was taking all her money and buying what ever fix he needed: beer, pot, and cocaine
The electric was not paid in months and the money She gave him for oil was only partially used and the tank partially full.
He stung hard…he told her he had a devise that traced where she went and wormed her when he went away over night. He manipulated her so bad that she was not allowed to associate with her friends and family. He humiliated her in public and soon after began to do it to the rest of her family.
He got temporary custody of their three year old daughter because of my neglect and stupidity, but he’s blaming every thing on me. The child had brused on her, but only one was caused due to my mistake. The other brused where when she was with her mom and him. I knew all along that I was a scape goat for both of them, but these accusations toward me are Cyril.
I caused him of being a child molester and that his daughter was in the wrong hands. There was incidences that my daughter told me about, but now conveniently does not remember. The one thing that stings me is the memory of his niece Brook cowering from him when he asked her when she was going to sleep over again. Brook is his favorite…over the top!
I know in my heart he is a pedifile…and shouldn’t I be an expert on the subject. I’ve recognised pedifiles and sociopaths many times before.
I’ve recognised trams in seven children and helped each child to escape their nightmares. It just so happens that I warned CFS, but they out all their affords into me and disregarded all that was said about him. He caught with all his might to eliminate me and he has finally done it.
I’m going to take your advise
I’m going to keep him out of my thoughts and live my best life.
I thought I was going bananas, thank you for the insight, now I have to break ties with this person who has changed me into a monster in two years flat. How long is it going to take to get over this
I THINK IVE MARRID A SOCIOPATH I CAN RELATE TO TRAITS IVE READ ABOUT IM SO ANGRY WITH MYSELF I THOUGHT THIS MAN LOVED ME HE ALWAYS GIVES NICE COMPLIMENTS ALWAYS BLAMES OTHERS FOR HIS MISFORTUNES BEFORE I MET HIM AND ANGERS EASY WHEN IVE CAUGHT HIM OUT ON A LIE GOD IVE MADE A BIG MISTAKE HELP!!!!
I have encountered a sociopath. It’s a woman my husband bad a short fling with before we were married. Unfortunately he had a baby with this woman. This woman came Into our lives when my spouse and I were dating and completely destroyed our relationship, she tore us apart. Then after my husband whom was my then boyfriend realized the monster he had in his hands, he got the hell out of there, but by then it was too late, this woman was pregnant after only 3 weeks of him meeting her. This has been the biggest regret of his life and she has been terrorizing us ever since. She moves wherever we move, she has humiliated my husband I front of others, she stirs up drama, tells enough ous lies about everything, hurts others without even thinking twice or having any remorse for the devastation she causes. She doesn’t care about her child, she’s always on the prowl for her next victim, she thinks she knows more than everyone and thinks she’s beautiful when neither apply to her. She sucks at her job, she blames others for the problems she causes, she uses people and then literally leaves them in a ditch. I am just waiting for the day that we hear that she has finally murdered someone because that too, will be next.
We would love to rid ourselves of this blood sucking vampire, but it’s impossible in our situation unless my spouse totally cuts the child out of his life which we are contemplating because the situation with this woman is becoming dangerous.
I have encountered a sociopath. It’s a woman my husband bad a short fling with before we were married. Unfortunately he accidentally had a baby with this crazy woman. This woman came Into our lives when my spouse and I were dating and completely destroyed our relationship, she tore us apart. Then after my husband whom was my then boyfriend realized the monster he had on his hands, he got the hell out of there, but by then it was too late, this woman was pregnant after only 3 weeks of him meeting her. This has been the biggest regret of his life and she has been terrorizing us ever since. She moves wherever we move, she has humiliated my husband In front of others, she stirs up drama, tells lies about everything, hurts others without even thinking twice or having any remorse for the devastation she causes. She doesn’t care about her child, she’s always on the prowl for her next victim, she thinks she knows more than everyone and thinks she’s beautiful when neither apply to her. She sucks at her job, she blames others for the problems she causes, she uses people and then literally leaves them in a ditch. I am just waiting for the day that we hear that she has finally murdered someone because that too, will be next.
We would love to rid ourselves of this blood sucking vampire, but it’s impossible in our situation unless my spouse totally cuts the child out of his life which we are contemplating because the situation with this woman is becoming dangerous.
I have a sociopathic elder sister, and you are right, the only thing that works is avoidance. It makes things worse to try to explain, and nobody else can see this about her except for those of us she has abused. I also have a sociopathic mother in law (lucky me) who ended up writing my husband (her first born) out of the will days after his father died of cancer. It is actually a relief to not have to deal with her anymore. Your article was very helpful.
I am currently dealing and living with a sociopath,he has took everything away including my boy who he gave to social services..I am finding it hard proving and explaining to people what’s happening..what do I do I need help
I have a special needs kid with a sociopath 🙁
My daughter’s mother is definitely a sociopath. I have been dealing with her for the past ten and a half years. How do I deal with her. How do I protect my daughter?
My daughter’s mother is definitely a sociopath. I have been dealing with her for the past ten and a half years. How do I deal with her. How do I protect my daughter? It is really disturbing reading this. She is a pathological liar. She completely controls and manipulates my daughter. I haven’t seen her for eleven months. I am extremely worried about her. What do I do?
I have a child with a sociopath and always thought something was wrong with him. I tried to get away after our child was born. It wasn’t until the custody battle that I stumbled across a website about sociopaths that I realized he is one. I am constantly blamed for everything. I never have any questions asked to him answered and he never ever takes no for an answer. He wants to argue with me at any cost. I am trying desperately to find ways to get away from him at exchanges. He always has something negative to say and blames me for our daughter’s constipation instead of fixing it. What can I do to help the courts see he needs to be tested for a diagnosis? What can I do? He has managed to destroy my life, ran my family away (they are afraid of him), and tried to have me fired from my job. He has called the police and social services on me twice and prides himself on the fact that, “What father has ever fought this hard for our daughter? No one ever has”. Can you give me any suggestions? It’s been difficult trying to find peace with this situation. To my knowledge, he has never been diagnosed or had any treatment. He is relentless and promises to destroy me.
Thank you for such correct description of a sociopath! The way you have described them is 100% truth. I am on the edge to divorce 1 of those 25 sociopath in America, that not only ruined me emotionally, but also physically, caused me serious health issues due to an excessive stress. Reading your article about sociopaths brought lots of emotions…it also helped me to resolve my marriage situation, which was about to finally fall apart. As a strong and independent person I was, I lost myself in this unhealthy relationship and maybe even lost my closest friends..time will probably show. I hope, this article you wrote will help to many more that are in the “possession” of sociopaths.
Thank you!!
Gabriela
You’re welcome! Best to you.
It has taken me ten years, my wife ten months, to identify our neighbour(s) as sociopaths. Always charming, that gut feeling told you he was too nice. A never acceptance of guilt was recognised yet everything was passable until we dared to challenge him.He showed no remorse or shame after some disgusting actions of lewdness and threatening behaviour.
Other neighbours were lured into their web of intrigue and lies, unable to unravel the real truth that it was indeed us who were the injured party and not they the sociopaths.
Time has taught us that arguments cannot be won, akin to easily beating a pigeon at chess, only for the bird to strut his stuff and poop all over the chess board.
My advice is to steer well clear, no good can come of it.
I .am married to a sociopath. Sense I can’t get a divorce, I need to figure out how to live in the same house. I try staying angry, but that makes me miserable. When he lies, and I always can tell, it hurts. I enjoy doing things together then he turns back in an ass. Is there any help.
I spent 7 months with the devil himself. He was like a different entity when I ended things, then when I first met him. He threatened to kill me on several occasions. Then threatened to kill my dogs. Then my beloved Sophie went missing. She’s been gone 9 months today. This man is pure evil. He’s got a list of domestic violence, sexual assault, harassment, assault & battery charges. I only found all this out after I broke things off.
Was married to one for 8 years finally with the help from police I was able to get out. He lied about his life stole from me and others threatened me and my grown children was not allowed friends. i will never understand how this happened to me or who he was. I was a strong career women I gave up my job and my life for him, whoever he was , he was charming at first now I am trying to rebuild my life. Thank you for the article it describes him. Thank you again
You’re welcome. I’m glad it was helpful. Best to you.
Wow. I read the Gift of Fear years ago but to point out that it correlates to the Sociopath was both frightening and enlightening. I have held out for 18 years that my son’s father must have redeeming qualities. I have finally accepted that he is truly vile and I absolutely must stop blaming myself for his sickness. I have also had to accept that my mother and my brothers are not capable of loving me. Looking back they ridiculed me for being different. That difference was empathy. My son’s father is the male version of my mother. That was hard for me to accept. But perhaps I can move forward now.
It’s all about empathy! Best to you as you move forward.
[…] How to Spot — and Handle — a Sociopath […]
1 in 25 sounds hight and if that is true the 12 million Americans that r it said to avoid that’s friend family loved ones your just suppose to avoid that’s doesn’t make sense to me at all u stick by the people you care about in good time and bad
I never realised there was sociopaths in my life until they weren’t. Now my head is a vortex of emotions and all trust has vanished.
My ex husband who is father to my two kids.
Ex boyfriend…
My made up saying is
” I attract them as fly paper attracts the flies…”
My husband.
5 people come to mind… 1 related by marriage, 3 I’ve had to work with and a friends husband. All have the ability to drive us crazy.
my own father is a sociopath he will would argue about everything he could think of and call you the liar for trying to bring it to light he was just toying with everyone and loved to hurt others he thought it was funny he was a real pain in the ass
I was with my ex boyfriend for almost two years. Everything was wonderful. Never had a guy treat me so well. We were talking about moving in together, traveling and all the things that people do when they are in love. All the while he was developing a relationship with another woman. He would discuss a relationship with me that “his friend” and this girl were having. Always asking my advice on what I should tell “his friend” to help the relationship along. He told me that this girl and “his friend” were so in love and going on vacations together and even bought her diamond earrings. He sent me a picture of this girl asking me if I thought she was pretty. He called me up one day and told me that the girl dumped “his friend”. I told him I was sorry to hear that. The next day he came clean and told me that it was him that had been seeing the girl. He actually tried to lean on me for support to help heal his broken heart. I was beyond devastated. After reading a lot on the internet about sociopaths, I know 100% he is one. I am now five months out from this horrible tragedy and things are slowly getting better. What made this more difficult is my mother passed away two months before all this happened. Not only was I grieving my mother’s death but also for the person who I thought was the love of my life who turned out to be a monster. It was horrible! The statistics say that sociopaths make up 4% of the population but after reading a lot on the internet and other peoples stories, I think that number is much, much higher. It’s scary out there, people! Be very careful!
I have recently concluded beyond a doubt with the help of loved ones and mental health professionals that my father is a sociopath (after years of verbal and emotional abuse, and after deciding to break off all contact with him). Does cutting my losses and the Rule of Three apply to a parent, and is that in fact the optimal decision?
Yes no contact is the best option. You will be better and stronger for it , even if it doesn’t seem like it right now
My boyfriend left a 2 weeks ago with no reason, he wasn’t returning my calls, i never knew he has another girlfriend, when i found out, I became jealous and i became desperate to get his love and attention back, then A good friend of mine recommended me TO this SPELL CASTER Dr.Manifest, I was very skeptical about using a love spell i when i finally gave a try, to my surprise after 4 days that I had my spell cast by Manifest Spell , the spell started working straight away, I was absolutely shocked that my boyfriend called me to apologize to me, he knelt on his knees begging me to take him back, manifestspellcast@yahoo.com is the one of the cheapest and best service to use if you have relationship issues.
I must get across my passion for your kindness in support of folks that should have help with your theme. Your real dedication to passing the message all over appeared to be certainly advantageous and have always enabled women like me to get to their targets. Your new important suggestions can mean much to me and somewhat more to my office workers. Warm regards; from everyone of us.
http://www.vergleichy.de
I can’t believe so many of these people exist. I realise now that I have been at the mercy of one for years. I have always been a loving and trusting person. My husband and I always went out of our way to support our families. My sister has caused trouble for me all my life, getting me blamed when were were young for things I did not do and she always got believed. When we grew up this continued but on a growing scale of misery. To put it in a nutshell, she has lied and lied to anyone who will listen to her and believe me they have. I have lost all relationships on my mother’s side of the family through her lies. No one ever asked me to explain what was being said they just seemed to hate me. When our mother died she stole her rings and clothing and a piece of jewellry that was mine given to me by a very close female relative. I treasured it but she stole that too. I have been suffering now for 60 years! I have not had contact for a number of years but still I manage to hear nasty things she is saying about me to this day despite this absence. She also uses another sister who is not much better really but they fall out and the sister carries stories (I think she is also sociopathic to a lesser extent but still vile in things she says and does to her own children and other people). My life is wrecked by these horrible people and I just don’t know what to do. I can never get justice because most of the people are dead that was involved so she has started on the next generation. It is horrible.
Wow. After finally untangling myself and my two innocent kids from a person that demonstrated most of these bahaviors (except the charisma), I concluded that he was on the autism spectrum. He also displayed symptoms of Oppositional Defiant Dusorder and OCD, and BP; with splashes of hoarding and paranoia. And nary a hint of perspective taking.
As a therapist, I tried my best to ‘help’ him, but one can only be helped if and when they recognize a problem and is motivated to do so. I finally cut him out of my life and focused my energy on helping people on the autism spectrum learn to have better social skills.
I don’t see this man as a powerful person to be feared, although he completely devastated mine and my kids’ lives). I see him as a pathetic, lonely loser who is so miserable that he strives to make everyone he encounters feel the same.
It doesn’t work; because normal people can create happy lives for themselves. These people can’t, and never will. Focus on the people in your life that bring you joy, and walk away (quickly) from anyone who does not. Life is too short!!
[…] How to Spot — and Handle — a Sociopath – 3/2/14. How to Spot — and Handle — a Sociopath. Ted Bundy. Jeffrey Dahlmer. Danny Rolling. Jim Jones. David Koresh. Charles Manson. Hannibal Lecter. […]
[…] Lisa Wolcott’s blog, “How to Spot—and Handle—a Sociopath,” gave me the insights I needed to move forward with information and confidence. I’ve read it […]
[…] their deep-seated anger, from gaslighting to giving gifts… and even howling. Remember to read Lisa Wolcott’s blog to familiarize yourself with their […]
[…] How to Spot — and Handle — a Sociopath – 3/2/14. How to Spot — and Handle — a Sociopath. Ted Bundy. Jeffrey Dahlmer. Danny Rolling. Jim Jones. David Koresh. Charles Manson. Hannibal Lecter. […]
[…] in these essential truths from my favorite article about sociopaths, written by Lisa […]
[…] problems In her blog, “How to Spot—and Handle—a Sociopath,” Lisa Wolcott addresses what I call The Problem with Politeness (and its disturbing relationship to […]
[…] them out. The next day—my birthday, no less—I shared them with Brandon. I also shared my favorite blog (by Lisa Wolcott) with our son Logan. He needs to know the […]
[…] different personality disorder) in the future. Now is a good time to re-read Lisa Wolcott’s blog, “How to Spot—and Handle—a Sociopath,” especially the section on the red flags that tell you that you’re dealing with a dangerous […]
[…] I didn’t know when the right time would come to share this information with Brandon (including Lisa Wolcott’s blog that I’ve recommended so many times), so I put the printouts on my bedside […]
[…] flags for sociopaths In her blog, “How to Spot—and Handle—a Sociopath,” Lisa Wolcott shares warning signs for violence… “a menu of sociopathic characteristics” from […]
[…] flags for sociopaths In her blog, “How to Spot—and Handle—a Sociopath,” Lisa Wolcott shares warning signs for violence… “a menu of sociopathic characteristics” from […]
[…] http://www.lisawolcott.com/how-to-spot-and-handle-a-sociopath/ […]
[…] http://www.lisawolcott.com/how-to-spot-and-handle-a-sociopath/ […]
[…] flags for sociopaths In her blog, “How to Spot—and Handle—a Sociopath,” Lisa Wolcott shares warning signs for violence… “a menu of sociopathic characteristics” from […]
[…] flags for sociopaths In her blog, “How to Spot—and Handle—a Sociopath,” Lisa Wolcott shares warning signs for violence… “a menu of sociopathic characteristics” from […]
[…] flags for sociopaths In her blog, “How to Spot—and Handle—a Sociopath,” Lisa Wolcott shares warning signs for violence… “a menu of sociopathic characteristics” from […]
[…] We told Logan that Granny is a sociopath, and we gave him a copy of Lisa Wolcott’s blog to read: “How to Spot—and Handle—a Sociopath.” […]
[…] to attack us. We told our son Logan that Granny (i.e., Delia) is a sociopath and gave him a copy of Lisa Wolcott’s blog to read. I gave a copy of the printouts to my close friend Isobel, who realized that her first […]
[…] the truth During dinner with my friend Charlene that week, she asked me to email her the information I’d gathered about sociopaths. So did my friend Meagan at church that Sunday. I sent the information right away. I’d already […]
Thank you for this information, and I too wish I would have realized the signs of a sociopath 17-1/2 years ago. I am struggling still with so many things about this. I’m mortified that I didn’t pay enough attention to all the red flags I had about him and feel like I was under a vicious and addictive spell the entire time I knew him. It was a horrible emotional roller coaster and I can only imagine who his next victims will be or already are. I have cut him out of my life, and I’m grateful he lives 2 hours away so I don’t have to worry about running into him. Please make more people aware of the traits these people possess.
[…] Remember Don’t feel sorry for Delia or Andrew. Remember, they’re sociopaths. Lisa Wolcott gives us these important truths in her blog, “How to Spot—and Handle—a Sociopath.” […]
[…] This quote from Lisa Wolcott’s blog, “How to Spot—and Handle—a Sociopath,” gives sound […]
[…] best, as they craft their Role of Control in their victims’ lives. In the last post, I quoted information from Lisa Wolcott’s blog about sociopaths crying crocodile tears, evoking pity and being great […]
[…] flags for sociopaths In her blog, “How to Spot—and Handle—a Sociopath,” Lisa Wolcott shares warning signs for violence… “a menu of sociopathic characteristics” from […]
[…] best, as they craft their Role of Control in their victims’ lives. In the last post, I quoted information from Lisa Wolcott’s blog about sociopaths crying crocodile tears, evoking pity and being great […]
I am actually rather disappointed by all of you. You all speak out of fear of what you do not know or understand, and you are letting your fear or view of the one affect your view of the whole. Sure, you may have run across a Sociopath in your life. With 1 out of 3 people in the US being sociopathic, it is more than likely. But just because the bad ones stick out in your memory, does not mean that all of them are bad. Think of it this way, your bad experiences with a sociopath covers maybe one out of 12 people you meet every day. Yeah, one will stick out in your mind, but what about the other 3 sociopaths your met you cant even remember? Obviously you didn’t not have a bad experience from them or you would have remembered the encounter. I read through your comments and the origin post and I just have to say something against your biased ignorance.
First off, my own history; I am a father of 2 children and a husband. I am a successful and well-liked employee, I take care of my family and do so at great expense to myself personally. I am also a self-aware sociopath. And yet I manage to maintain a safe and healthy relationship with my wife, kids, and extended family.
Secondly; Sociopathy is actually very different from Psychopathy. Psychopaths cannot feel emotions or access their consciences even if they wanted too. They are your Ted Bundy’s, Jack the Rippers and other such unsavory fellows. Psychopaths don’t blend in, yes they are manipulative and self-serving and tend to be violent, but even when they aren’t their personalities stand out in a crowd no matter how they try.
Sociopaths, on the other hand, you will never notice. We are able to blend in and be successful, contributing member’s of society. Our main issue is not that we do not feel emotions and such, we just do not understand to a degree that makes it difficult beyond what you can understand. Think of your least favorite TV show or franchise. Now imagine you are forcefully plopped down in the middle of the biggest convention for this show or franchise in your part of the world.You don’t recognize the characters, the lingo is totally foreign, you cant follow the story-line, and why all these people think the show is so awesome is completely beyond you. This is how a sociopath feels walking among normal people. Lost and confused and wishing they fit in a little better. Then people like you all come along and call out the Sociopath for an issue they had no control over, and you think its off for them to be a little resentful and cold towards you? Go insult an african american for being black and see how they react. Go challenge a Chicago Cubs fan, or a Yankees fan, and tell me how that goes. Better yet, go find an autistic child and try to give him a giant bear hug. See how that works out for you. Whose fault is the backlash? The person for being who they are? Or you for not understanding them and pushing all the wrong buttons?
I will be the first to admit Sociopaths are a unique and sometimes dangerous type, but not all of them are bad, just like not all husbands are bad and beat their wives. And of the husbands that do beat their wives, not all of them (not even half, actually) are sociopaths or even psychopaths.
Please be more careful with what your do and say and how you throw around your terms and definitions. This post and the comments that have followed are perfect examples of a lack of information setting the precedent for major unnecessary prejudice. And while we may not understand why you cry, get upset, or care so much for a pet or person or item, sociopaths are people too. And we do have feelings, we can get hurt.
Dear Coyote,
I’d like to ask you some questions:
You have children –
Let’s say your 4 year old child has been watching TV all day, and their grandparent tells them no more TV, they’ve already watched too much. Upset, they kick their grandparent.
What is your response to this situation?
Do you excuse their behavior, saying that they are too young to understand what they’re doing?
Do you yell at them?
Do you sit them down, and explain to them why it’s not ok for them to hit someone, no matter how upset they are?
Do you take away TV privileges for the week?
This isn’t a multiple choice, I just offered some options as an example. I would love to hear a detailed response from you on how you would respond to your child in the situation.
I would also like to hear more about your experience as a parent who is a sociopath. What your coping mechanisms are, how you facilitate a healthy relationship with your family, and if you are on the lookout for sociopathic behavior within your own children. Do you have a balance with your wife, regarding who does more of the disciplining, or etc …, what are the things you’ve found work for you?
I come from a sociopathic family myself, as does my partner. I have yet to have children, but I’m very much on the fence about it. I’m not sure it’s something I’d like to take a chance on being passed down. My fear is that should one of them turn out to be a sociopath, or have any of the other variety of mental illnesses in our families, they’ll come to me as an adult and ask why I decided to have biological children knowing that there was a chance this would be passed down. Or that they’ll blame me for making that decision, that maybe if we weren’t their parents, their lives could have been different. (I have heard my brother express this feeling to my parents before).
Did you have similar fears prior to becoming a parent? How would you cope with the situation if it did arise?
Thanks
I appreciate your perspective and input, and I am sure others do as well. Thank you for sharing!
I have one female co-worker, who’s been known to the entire office had crushed on me since 5 years ago.
She knew everything about me, she knew I’m a big fan of Coldplay, My favorite football club is Liverpool FC,etc.
She even remember the date, we first met (5 years ago). What clothes colour I wore that day. Amazing, she seeks informations/ observing her prey. Crazy isn’t it?
The last 3 or 4 months, I gave her chance to step closer to me. We often chat through emails or social-media. I saw red flags, everywhere! Because actually a year ago, I did let her come closer too, to myself. And that was the first time I realized, she has a problem.
Initially, main reason is to help her, I saw her stuck with romance life. I wanna show her, no matter how bad the trauma she had experience there is brighter day ahead.
I have to admit, my most recent period of communication with her has, to certain level, got my self carried away.
And that’s exactly, where she suddenly dumped me.
Last Saturday (morning), she texting me. Expressing just how angry she is because of me accusing her emotional weakness.
She left by saying ‘I leave you, because you don’t wanna hear my explanation (why she’s so angry)”
Positioning herself as the victim in that quarrel between us. (typical of sociopath.. ‘evoking pitty/playing victim, she did this for numerous of time)
Leaving me confused (as I said, I have started carried away with her game)
Thanks to this article, I’m not the one who has problem, and this relation is worth-less
After a day or two, craving for her attention/flirts/compliments… I’m back to sober 🙂
And I will never again trying to reform any sociopath I met in my future life
Mr Coyote…i am glad that you have manage to have a healthy and safe relationship with your family. And i believe is because they are your most beatiful and valuable treasure in life….all the effort its worth it.
Allowe me to tell you a story… imagine that a sociopath marries your son . Manipulates the rest of your children to make them believe you are not trustworthy. Your wife leaves you because her own personal problems, you found yourself with family, emotional and economical problems all at once. And at that very time this sociopath attacks you harder in all the ways we all know they likely to attack.
Right in the middle of this story the hospital calls and says your wife is dying after a bad wreck she got into. Your children end up in her house because she is family while you are staying at the hospital in another county away from home.
Then the sociopath had enough time to finish you up while you ignore most of her plans,you suspect something is wrong but cant really tell whats going on.
Dont forget you are already separated from your wife …but still taking care of her at the hospital. At work they called you and say to you that they need you there or else….you go back to work leaving behind your wife at the hospital.
A nice friend at work knows your situation at home and offer company and help, you think you need someone on your side to listen to you and you take the offer, but goes wrong since she offers you a beer, you never been a drinker but it feels good to your heart you lose count and end up in a romantic situation that you will regret the rest of your life.
The sociopath find a way to take pictures and send it to your church, she send it to your children and share her point of view.
You are already feeling devastated for your ended marriage, your wife is in the hospital and then you sudenly realized the bad cold blooded intentions of hers ,wich you back then did not know about sociopaths.
You text her and say why !!! Why you are doing this to me…i used to love you and trust you too, and then hatred got into your heart, grab your phone and text her again saying the most horrible words you can find and cry over those words since you have been raise better.
Your children reply because she shows them the text and they say to you that you are a monster wich they dont recognized anymore, they tell you that you are not trustworthy anymore and then you say i need you now i am alone here dont know where to turn and the three of your sons say sorry but we dont trust you.
Then your mind stars flashing back from all the things the sociopath have done to you all the details come back fresh in mind and then realized you have been used and manipulated and play awfully in many many ways during a year by her…..
After crying and drinking ( wich drinking has never before been a problem) you just plan tomorrow will be your last night, because sudenly dead is your only safe path …the only place to rest with out pain.
You get your kids and say goodbye in your heart and say things that you need to say even the looks in their eyes feels like stabing to your heart…
One of them ask you to take him somewhere tomorrow you say no i cant i wont be here to take you…then you receive a call and its a friend from church that more than that is like a father to you…when he ask you to see you tomorrow at certain time and he wants to confirm since other friend will be there too you honesty say no you cant be there…you wont be there. He says why you keep saying you cant until he knows something is wrong so he ask you the only way he knows you will speak by heart then you say, i got enough im taking my life tonight i got my kids to say goodbyes and im ok with it…dont worry im in peace, he ask why …you reply that life havent been easy before and its worse now that all the work you have done to raise your family well, its been taken away and that your most precious treasure now hates you and dont trust you anymore…you think you have hurt so many people already that you cant go on with it, you believe they dont need you anymore ( planed by the sociopath) now you are in peace because you think you deserve to get out of their lives for ever….
After he listened patiently he said i understand but let me read you this verse, he read to you 1 peter 3:16,17 then you inmediately realized ….i dont need to go anymore.
Idk if that was all the love i need it to keep going on or it was just realizing that is why he die for me already because of this moments. It was God that help me stay here for another night and another and another ….
So Mr Coyote ….sociopaths are not to take lightly, I dont like to generalized but most of them if they are close enough to you will hurt others badly to the point that they can harm themselves in many ways..just look around see how many people uses drugs,alchool or are already locked in or even dead ….i keep wondering how many of them been a victim of any type of abuse…..
I was diagnosed with PTSD, i stay in a mental institude for almost two weeks got prescribe medicine to get rid of panic attacks, bad nightmares and depression.
Let me have this clear for you…the sociopath person did not cause all my problems she just took advantage of the vulneravility of the situation , and did it on a way that it could have end it my own life.
She is out there raising my grandaughter, the one she used to manipulate me and hurt me in many ways…i dont see her anymore since the baby for her is just a tool to hurt me back again.
And there she is, with my older son, the one that used to be my best friend, she still try to use him to get her ways..but i have regain selfsteam to know that i gave him the best of me and is his choice ether he wants a relatioship with me or not…
I am not disapointed at all of the people that dare to share what they know about sociopaths or their experiences, i am recovering well from learning and understanding their behavior and their dangerous paths.
I strongly believe that the only way to help a sociopath victim is speaking the truth even thought may sound cruel to you, but its the only way.
Most of the sociopaths do not cure why? Because they dont think they need help they may say it …just to manipulate us but no sr…the only way is to alert people about them.
So that way they can get away inmediately before its too late…
If they need help i rather send them a professional if need food i will rather wire money but getting a close relatioship with them is the most dangerous thing to do …
I have to comend you mr coyote for your efforts by loving your family and staying away from hurting others, keep up the good work and i hope this helps you realized the magnitude of the problem and that since you are doing so well dont need to take it personal…maybe you should help other sociopaths by sharing how you have become a succesful asset to the society.
Hi Lisa
It is such an isolating behaviour for targets….frightening and sad and as frustrating when even authorities don’ t get it…..they love knowing they have you running scared or that they twist the strength out of even the strongest survivors….but when it turnd to them becoming the puppet master of gangs of puppets who believe them and want to ‘rescue’ them, you livr in fear for your safety and your spouse’s.
I am in a living hell and we cant move for a few more years so could i just ask you to pray for us. I am so tired.
God bless you for understanding it all and for letting us know someone else knows it isnt our imagination…..
Softly
Jackie
How did this female sociopath get her boyfriend to do something so out of character for him? He is usually very laid back, quiet, not a violent person at all, but that day she did something to make him hit a woman. Could she have had that much control over him to make him do something he would NEVER do on his own? My friend doesn’t think this boyfriend was a victim of hers, she believes he made his own choice and thats that, I think he was brainwashed into doing whatever she asked of him…Is there a doctor on here that can explain this to me???
Recently I rented a townhouse by myself since being divorced. From 15 minutes of moving in May 2017 there was this immature young adult manipulator who is the poster boy of scociopath moving in directly next store. The walls are paper thin and I had a master bedroom next to his and could hear him constantly. Nasty verbiage directed towards me. It was shocking at first. I don’t like calling the police idea due to these people having super manipulative powers. I don’t want the tables turned that for sure. But I am a 6 ft big guy that can send him sailing and possibly bust him up with a couple of shots. But this does not ever stop him. Since moving my room, he is outside under my new badroom slinging his juvenile slang nasty verbiage. I am getting a doorbell cam. Much time waisted thinking of ways to handle this. I ignore him but since out townhouses are attached his game is larger than life.
[…] Frequent complaint-focused gossiping to evoke pity When sociopaths display their never-ending “I’ve been so mistreated” theatrics, this tactic throws people off-kilter and causes them to feel sorry for the sociopaths. I like how Lisa Wolcott addresses this issue in her blog, “How to Spot—and Handle—a Sociopath.” […]
I am a sociopath and I must agree with everything you’ve said. I understand human emotions and I’m also able to understand feelings and why people cry. I don’t feel anything though. I don’t think I’ve would ever kill anyone, but I can be very hurtful. I am the definition of a sociopath and wouldn’t mind being researched. I want to feel. And, I just feel empty inside.
I’m confused. On this site, you stated that “the defining characteristic of a sociopath is a person who has no conscience.”
On WebMD (https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/features/sociopath-psychopath-difference#1), it says that “A sociopath typically has a conscience, but it’s weak.”
A plethora of websites differ in describing both psychopaths and sociopaths.
If doctors can’t define these two personalities, how is a layperson supposed to understand or recognize one? I can’t even tell if I’m one.
I was i a relationship with one for two years. She had every trait of what is considered to be a sociopath. Lying, manipulation, and risk taking like it was nothing. And when confronted about the lies she would either become very defensive in an aggressive kind of way or distort the truth and make me feel as if I were crazy. I spent so much time trying to find the truth and I did uncover many dark secrets (a history of prostitution, promiscuity, memberships on swingers websites). Even when found out she would never admit the truth. The craziest things thing was her inability to trust me when I never did anything to break her trust. I figure maybe it could be a guilty conscience but then again that couldn’t be because she has no conscience. Every time I try to avoid contact with her she starts to send messages telling me she loves me and misses me but it’s only to lure me in just to hurt me again. I’m such an idiot because it’s happened way more than 3 times but I just want to believe her. I am just now starting to realize that it will never change and have to protect myself. I think maybe her personality may have something to do with her mother leaving right after being born, father a heroin addict who killed himself, and being raised by her grandparents. She claimed her ex-husband made her go to these swinger clubs but I know she did it long after divorcing him. She demonizes him but he’s probably a victim just like me. She’s really good at playing the victim.
My neighbor and Friend… I moved to a new town pregnant, I lost my baby a month after I moved. Enter Allie (not going to disclose name). I met her in walking around my neighborhood, she imbedded herself immediately in my life. She had kids, I had kids. She reflected everything back to me that I needed in a friend. She even offered to be my surrogate. I thought she was the best friend I had ever had. It went as far as me even sending her to the IVF clinic… We became inseparable for 3 years. She would always say she lived her life in a “gray area” and I didn’t know what that meant, she seemed wonderful to me. She told me how she loved the book
Gone Girl…She lived in this tiny duplex with the cheapest rent in town and kept her house a mess..I remember when I first saw it, it was a red flag, but I explained it away with the whole stay at home mom thing, not a lot of money.. Then things started to seem off. Towards the end of our relationship, things were going missing, prescription meds were missing and replaced with blanks, she seemed off, she started hitting on my husband and so so so much more! Turns out she had lied to me about practically everything for 3 years, manipulating me into feeling of intimacy and friendship while she was stealing from me, hiding a secret addiction to prescription meds, babysitting my child and driving him around on drugs, stealing prescription drugs from my neighbors and family members to whom I recommended her to house sit. Stealing random items from my house and friends, giving me stolen presents. Turns out she had 2 felonies!!!!! Embezzlement and theft…Then when confronted, she tried to sugar coat and lie her way out. Told me she was going to get help and asked me not to press charges against her. But when pressed on getting help, she blocked me from her life completely, my son was devastated missing her children, she changed the story, spread rumors about me through my neighborhood and other mothers. She would walk by me on the sidewalk of my neighborhood as though I did not exist. Over a year went by without an apology until my child started kindergarten and she realized I was going to have my life intertwined with hers. She called me with a very hallow apology. When pressed for specifics, she couldn’t seem to remember or acknowledge that she had done those things. Tried to say it was all just a blip of addiction she had now had under control, her life was great now, she was just ashamed before, but that I had always been on the top of her mind, missing me, wanting to make it right with me… Total BS!!!! It was just all so gross to prey on me and my family and our loss of a child as well as my true best friend of 16 years died during our friendship and Allie just preyed on that vulnerability that I had. She wanted my life and my husband and would have taken it all had I not discovered her true nature. She is still in my neighborhood and it makes me sick to my stomach. I don’t know how to handle the situation when I see her making friends with other women who have children at my elementary school.. YUK!!!!!!
Hell holds no fury like a spotted and rejected sociopath.
All I know is that ” I wish that I knew back then what I know now.”
A sociopath married woman pulled her charms on me. After she was sent out of my life before any sexual encounter she spread some vicious lies. So if anyone encounters and recognizes them, be prepared for a backlash of retaliation when you cut them loose. Be ready with some preemptive tactics such as informing others you trust what is going on and what you are going to do, etc..
I have been targeted by a serial bully/sociopath in the small town I live in for over 30 years. Without going into all the incidents (the size of a book by now) the person has worked hard to make everyone see someone other than me. Feels like I am trapped in someone else’s persona so to speak. No one sees or hears who I am at all anymore – they all see someone cruel and mean and hard and dangerous because that is what this woman has made me. I have tried to live with this for all these years but it is wearing me down. When I walk into a room everyone stops talking and just stares with fear in their eyes.
She is textbook sociopath with narcissistic personality disorder. Effectively she has has turned me into who she is by reputation and no one will believe me.
I cant see any way to solve this. It appears to me that I can never mitigate this damage. If there is a way to stop this and even reverse the damage I would appreciate knowing what it is.
I think the worst sociopathic personalities hide behind titles such as being a “Christian”. They abuse scripture, God, theology, doctrine and use these tools to hide their dysfunctional behavior. Don’t get me wrong, this type of masking can only last for so long as God will expose them in time. God is not mocked. Whatever these people sow they will also reap in due season. But sincere Christians have to be on the look out for these wolves in sheep’s clothing. They can cause a lot of damage if not quickly identified and dealt with.
Will a sociopath use honesty about his misdeads as a tactic of manipulation? I’ve had contact with a man I once dated who I believe is a sociopath. I was hurt terribly by his treatment of me and pathological lying ( I never called him on for fear of alienating him).
Over the phone he laid out all the lies that I knew, as well as others I only suspected, then told me he was likely not going to be able to keep up the farce with his current girlfriend, and would likely be homeless as well as jobless soon (he moved in with his girlfriend almost immediately after our relationship blew up because of his lying). He then told me that I dodged a bullet with him, because if he’d done with me, what he was doing to his current girlfriend, he would have just eaten me out of house and home, and made me as miserable as he was.
This man knows I’m moving out of state for a well-paying job, and that I’m single… I’m wondering if getting in contact with me, and looking for absolution with this new bout of honesty is another foray into manipulating me to get what he needs (a home). He knows I’m a sucker, the empathy and compassion I have for him didn’t disappear even after I gave up on him because the senseless lying and selfish manipulation was no longer sustainable.
I’ve been in a 5 year on / off relationship with a female sociapath … Master of Manipulation , deceitful , kaniving , callous , calculating , violent , aggressive , bitchy , spiteful , dangerously jealous … Are all correct descriptions , no Empathy and will stop at nothing to achieve her ultimate aim , literally … Her previous partner Hung himself … Fact !!! This is spun around to hide behind the fact this happened and used to play the victim to the next poor sole ??? me .
I lost my Health , safety and liberty … literally all of those directly as a result of falling in love with one for her charm and sexual prowess …She was Bopolwr too and acalcoholic … Put all 3 into the mix … u don’t want to know believe me … Get Away and SSTAY AWAY if you suspect you’ve met one … if not Ultimately including Financially and aforementioned you will pay !!!
Get AWay immediately.. and stay away .. “ Nuff “ said .
Before, I got a boss who is more than a psychopath. Apparently, I took some counseling and lessons in Almentor about handling cases like this. It helped me.
The abutting property owner to us has many questionable traits many in my opinion as your forum details He built a fence on our property while we were at work, lost that lawsuit and had to remove the fence, then finished the fence building on our property again. We removed the encroachments and his wife prosecuted my husband. She lost the trial. They continue to harass , they are completely obsessed with us. We ignore them and they still spend many hours watching stalking following me in my car honking their horn behind me. we have chosen to move beyond these people and realize they must pull up these negative feelings and behavior so their inner peace is absent. The banker is scary and we document their behavior for the future. The police and lawsuits are of minimal assistance. Read the bad behavior of the man in Dalraida Alabama. This banker has at least 5 of the behaviors of the man in Dalraida that eventually killed the next door neighbor. This entire end of this neighborhood feels the same about this man and family I am writing about as the town in Dalraida Alabama. How can an entire neighborhood be ignored by the city and police. Yes caution all to be aware, avoid, the profiled person that show bad neighbor, husband, wife, child, friend, any person that chooses evil as their happiness
I’ve realised after 32 years that my son whom I adored is a sociopath. He has lied, stole as a child and young adult. Was violent whilst a teen. Has taken drugs for years, recently stopped, but for how long who knows.. He now is using ‘projection’ to attempt to manipulate and control me. He tells me I am not normal, I am mental, etc. I feel I have no choice but to walk away, for my safety and sanity. Although my heart is broken. He is getting married and I fear the reasons are personal gain. I do not know how to cope with my devastation on realising he isn’t normal. I also fear there’s could be repercussions.
I dated, married,had 2 children with,and divorced a sociopath.4 years of rebuilding my life I am on the right track now. Unfortunately I am stuck with him for ever.
so many emotions went through me. I took almost 8 years of emotional abuse but 3 weeks after being discarded, i discarded him (mentally and emotionally). i ran into him today, he pretended not to see me. i am still shaking. is it wrong to wish he was dead?
I just realized a few days ago that I’ve been in love with a sociopath for the past year. He works for me full time and rents a room on my property. He takes incredible care of my house and my land, but has become increasingly cruel to me. I’m wondering whether to cut him out of my life entirely or limit our relationship to a working one, and whether to ask him to move out. His work has been great, and he’s not easily replaceable in this small town. But the personal price has been more and more abuse, and I don’t feel good about myself when I’m with him. Time for a change. Worried about how to ease him out without tipping my hand too much too soon. He still owes me money that he’s working off. Open to advice.
My sister brutally murdered my other sister and has tried to kill me on two occasions
What do I do if the sociopath i’ve discovered is my sister?
No contact
There is only one thing you can do, go no contact . Take time to heal your wounds and you will meet good people.
Hello, I believe my daughters baby father is a sadistic sociopath. Since my daughter found out she was pregnant he made her life miserable. First, he did not want the baby and came into their life months before she gave birth. Then they tried to sort of work it only by his conditions, they lived separately, he lived with his family and my daughter and baby with us. When my daughter did not want to spend a night or go to his house he would rage at her at one time he attempted to swerve into a semi with the baby in the car because she didn’t want to go back to his place to see his mom, so she freaked out and agreed, of course he was satisfied because he was in control and submissive to him. Then last year he filed for custody because he would demand certain times and days with the baby and if she didn’t agree he would rage out her. So we paid for her lawyer ($7,000) and he has his visitation rights too. Anyhow, on Super Bowl Sunday she was going to let the baby have an additional couple hours so the baby could meet his family in San Diego and she told him she didn’t have him ready she was running late (mind you she gave him an additional 3 hours, all she cut off was 25 minutes) as she was heading to his house he had already made it near our home and they both saw each other and he told her to pull over demanding to get the baby she said you are scaring me, he then cut her off in the middle of a green light and she had to pump the brakes real fast fearing for her and the baby’s life, she took off and he was chasing her. He then stopped when I called him and threaten to call the police
( of course this prick response were there are no videos). Any how there are a number of terrible control possessive things he has done to her. The worst that had happened to her was this past January she went behind our backs and end up having sex with him, she then realized that she didn’t want to do this with him no more so he blackmailed her if she didn’t have sexual relations with her he would tell her father who would be mortified. She then agreed because he would of told her father. This blackmail went on for five days. As she had to give him oral and vaginal sex she would cry and he would laugh at her, and then when she would leave he would make her repeat some crazy stuff. She finally came to me and was terrified and said she wanted to kill herself.Anyhow she was scared for a while and now he has got to her again, and she can’t get over him from his brainwashing/controlling/manipulative behavior. If he has his way he is not sadistic, if he doesn’t have his ways he goes into rage and has even mention to her he is an evil person. Please help, she needs help, she is still with us because we have her an ultimatum. He has made all of our life miserable ever since my daughter has lost her soul and is broken. Now I am broken and am not happy because she is my daughter who is weak for her evil perpetrator. HELP
I have a son that was prediagnoside as a kid with conduct, pre antisocial, and sociopathic tendencies. He is 25 now and i swear he has both sociopathic and psychopathic traits and sometimes seems so normal. As his mom it rips me apart cause I see all different area’s in his life.
Stay strong
My “friend” has become involved in a romantic relationship with my son. I had always suspected that she had traits of a sociopath, never putting that name to it, always making excuses for her behavior and giving her the benefit of the doubt. Now that she has decided to seduce my child, I am 100% positive that she is a sociopath. She has grasped on to my loving, caring, empathetic son and is playing the role of benefactor, and planting seeds of doubt in his mind regarding truth, and has pulled him in so close that he feels great pity for her. He is trapped.
Of course I only found out about this by accident. As far as I know, the relationship is roughly six months old. My son however, seems to be completely under her control. What can I do? How can I make my son understand??
Unfortunately this is a tough one. You can’t make your son see through this warped reality unless he is open to it. I personally have had to cut out many family members in my life who were flying monkeys or enablers of narcissists and psychopaths . Anything you say or do will be turned around and used against you. Any weakness you show will be used against you in the case of psychopaths. Logic and reason have no place in a warped reality. The best you can do is go no contact. Most psychopathic relationships end badly and your son will see the truth eventually . You will be there for him when that day comes. Other than that you could try to educate him about this, but in all likelihood, it will just be fed to the psychopath and used against you.
I have survived 3 abusive narcissistic sociopath relationships, a black widow femme fatal type sociopath as former roommate, and the worst is same kind of aunt just put pieces together not even in last few days as I survived Satanic Ritual Abuse or SRA as a child at worst of the worst of all sociopaths I’ve survived in life is my biological father and in last few years came to learn on his genetic side I was born into active multi generational satanic bloodline warlocks but even though I’m minimal very least 4th generation from him, his father and his grandfather, I thought my early childhood trauma issues were solely from him with SRA and incest issues from before I was even 3 years old, and my mother saved me by divorcing him when she could when I was 3 and he was incarcerated in Folsom for 15 years for his career criminal lifestyle as well as his dark paranormal satanic background lifestyle. Mom is a devoted Christian. She had zero knowledge who and what she was truly married to. She remarried my Dad as I refuse to call my biological father that, she remarried my Dad, also a genuine Christian good man who is real hero type, military cop for Air Force for 20 years, and once she remarried I grew up safe and highly protected and sheltered. However, after high school upon walking into trap bio father set for me at 19 years old, I was traumatized enough again activated 23 year plus process I’ve been on of amnesia and constant abusive relationships and rampant drug addiction issues. In the last 3 months of a lifetime of about 80% hell on Earth so to speak, I’m again finally in New safe protected insulated environment like I had growing up and I’m actively detoxing, getting clean and sober, and beginning long process of healing myself and my tattered consciousness shredded mental health at lack of mercy shown me by lifetime of my bio father and aunt from moms side also malevolent highly skilled manipulative well masked sociopath who assisted bio father in his dark deeds done to me, and the slew of other oh so pale in comparison exs and former “bestie” / roommate I’ve left all behind now as monsters in my past I found way to overcome and survive somehow. All tried to in their own ways kill, steal from me and destroy me and utterly break me, but alive and pushing my way through the muck tried forcing me down into accepting as all I deserve in life but I know better now finally. Will be 42 next month. Plan to spend what’s left of my life pissing them all off healing and recovering and eventually succeeding in my life that they each tried so hard not to ever allow me to fully have.
Omg… my best friend is a sosiopath!!!!!!!?????????
Go no contact, don’t look back. You will meet good people.
I have been married to a sociopath for over twenty years and at the ripe old age of 70, I am finally getting the hell out even though It means leaving the lovely home I bought and furnished. It won’t be easy, but in the end I have to value myself, not ‘things’,
Congratulations, it is worth it, live your life on your own terms. Best of luck to you
I’m positive my dad is a sociopath. He does all of that. He doesn’t care about others. He purposely messes with my mom, sister, and my emotions. He is horrible…
Get away as soon as possible, no contact is the best option. You will be better off for it, heal and meet good people
Hi Lisa; I am a 62 year old widow, husband of 38 years died 2010. I met a nice guy about 6 moths after and we dated for about a year. My idea of a relation was not the same as his, he does not believe in monagamy. at least he was honest, we stopped being lovers but stayed good friends and seven years ago we deceided to rent a house together as roommates and we are still roommates (sometimes with benefits). Here is my issue. He moved into the house a month before I did and when I arrived I was immediatey accousted by a female neighbor showing me a book of family pictures telling me how important her father was in a framing community etc etc..I am trying to be polite and unloading my stuff and she strted asking personal questions, who are you to Mike etc. From then on she was non stop trying eveything to get Mike’s attention by beibg the needy single neighbor and he would oblige, this wnt on for a year before they finally got together. She smiled at me an said “i won”! Meanwhile I am noticing all her previous acquiatences before we arrived have all disappeared. I threw this women out of my house one evening about 3 years ago due comments she was making regarding her relations ship with Mike and I stopped speaking to her altogether. Mike was present when I kicked her out and broke up with her the next day. Well this is the start of hell..she new my shedule going to work and coming home, she would stand in her driveway or kitchen window and make nasty comments and I would keep on walking. I did not say a word to her. i told Mike about these altercations and she denied all of it making Mike distrust what I was telling him she was doing to me. She attacked me so bd one evening (verbally and loud) that i was a fucking bitch, a liar and I am keep her and Mike apart etc etc – We live aross from a school and it was bad enough that few parents leaving the daycare held their children back so they did not walk past this. qwell when I told Mike about this he confronted her nd she said that it didn,t happene and I was lying. It got to a point where I would turn on my Iphone video and record walking past her house while going home. I got enough evidence to show Mike I was not lying. He confronted her with video evidense and stopped any reltion ship with her. This is May 2017. She stared up again by hanging around, eveytime we were on the balconey she would come over and not leave (was not invited on the balconey) until we went in In April of this year 2018 I needed an operation to remove 3 cncerous tumors from my pancreas and hve been in the hospital for 5.5 month due to complications. I am due to be released tomorrow. Meanwhile in the last 6 months she has worked her way back into Mike’s life and home. Doing his laundry, cooking, cleaning etc. I was released for 2 weeks in May but infection put me back in ER. When I was home she was raking her lawn, i was on the balconcey and Mike and his friend were working on his truck in the driveway. he past jackie and said “smile it’s a beutiful day” she mumbled back in my hearing range – “why should I smile she’s back”. Now when I get home tomorrow she will not be allowed in my house. Mike is asking me for baby steps but I do not want this toxic person anywhere near me or in my home. How do I deal with this now. Mike is not having a relationship with her anymore and has a new girlfriend whom I haven’t met but seems really nice. he told me herhad her over last weekend and jackie keep coming over asking for help on something or another even thought she knew he had a new lady with him.
My brother is likely a sociopath. The most disturbing thing is that a lot of people in law professions will be sociopaths and they go on to become most of our politicians. Kind of ironic then that one has written this blog.
no Contact
Very true, the law profession among others is commonplace for aspd, but you find them in most any profession and walk of life. The worst thing is that they look like normal and even sometimes fragile people, not like the monsters such as Hannibal Lecter portrayed by Hollywood. My grandmother looks very fragile but behind the mask, is a monster. Best of luck with your brother , go no contact. You will meet good people in your life.
Can you provide any insight on how to guide a young child targeted by a likely sociopathic/sadistic child? It’s been over the course of several years, and as a parent my go-to has been avoidance; however, they were in the same class 2 years ago and again now. The teacher 2 years ago was very interactive and was effective in helping to negate the impact. The teachers this year are more overwhelmed & distracted and the child has become more skilled. With no change, the schools both children attend will remain the same. What can I do at home or otherwise to help my child? Am desperate for insight or direction.
What proportion of politicians is psychopathic?
[…] Wolcott’s blog, “How to Spot—and Handle—a Sociopath,”—my go-to article about sociopaths—describes this evil in practical, day-to-day ways. […]
It is hard to know the difference between a narcissistic personality disorder and a sociopath.
I have worked for a boss who was a narcissist . It was crazy making and those very close to her knew how manipulative she was but she was a high paid public official and had a lot of power. It was amazing how much time and negative energy colleagues close to her put in being around her.
I do know that the only thing to do is get away. Run.
My ex-husband is a psychopath. I was criticized non-stop and then he tried to strangle me, leaving me with a lifelong throat injury and pain every day. It gets better. After I left him, I stumbled right into the arms of a sociopath. This guy ended up almost killing me after I called the police when he refused to leave my house one evening. This time I stood up for myself and he is now a convicted felon. I fear for my life every day as he is on probation and I know he’s unpredictable and ruthless. I can’t stand up to him physically.
It’s hard to recover from this and I can only say that your gut is never wrong and always to listen to it. I don’t date anymore. It’s just to scary. Thanks for a great blog.
Men are most likely to be sociopathic spouses or partners, as they are diagnosed more frequently than women. M. E. Thomas (who is female) said, One possible explanation is that very little research data exists regarding sociopathy in women.” So, now that we know how to spot them, how does one effectively deal with a sociopath? According to Stout’s book, it s first important to simply accept that there are people who have no conscience or compulsion to care for others, and you shouldn’t fall for flattery that seems insincere.
So many socio0paths, so few remedies. Frank L, Sue P, Ruth H. C, Linda F W, Lynne D, Margaret P–all used me as a target, as a useful tool for their own ends.They tortured me, used me, left me for dead. It is freeing to name them, if only in part. Some are dead now, and the earth seems lighter. Some are not. Waiting.
https://www.myvalleynews.com/story/2019/05/31/crime/temecula-fire-chief-arrested-after-alleged-domestic-disturbance/66190.html
Perfect example of a probable sociopath. Long history of violence against other Male employees in the fire dept, but has always evaded punishment. Used sex with others in high positions to get out of trouble. Very manipulative.
I am at the tail end of a three year fraud with a sociopath. He refuses to work enough to pay his bills, he manipulates me, his ex wife, his brother and his friends by lying about how awful the other individuals in his social system treat him. I recently spent 1/5 of my savings in a custody dispute because he told his ex-wife he had relapsed because I was so hard on their kids (age appropriate chores and amends for destruction of property), and she filed a temporary restraining order to keep him from the kids (she is a real piece of work, too). Previous to telling her he relapsed, he was trying to move in with her and his mother (yes, his ex wife lived with his mother, paying rent: his mother literally told me she hoped her ex daughter in law got a better job because she was riding on the ex daughter in law’s coat tails) in order to avoid paying for bills so he could have more money to buy drugs. After we established a new custody agreement and his ex wife left his mother’s house, he threatened to leave if I wouldn’t let him grow illegal substances in the home I bought. I drew the line there, and told him I would be notifying his mother and ex wife about his plans if he continued to make threats. The turning point for me is that I am undergoing IVF and have decided to use donor sperm. I know his only interest in having a child with me is in having a bargaining chip. Neither he nor his ex wife should be raising children, and his oldest is already showing signs of little to no conscience (intentional destruction of property, lying, gaslighting). Wish there was a registry for these people.
I have had one on my back for over 30 years. She has destroyed almost ALL of my relationships and has tried to destroy my business dealings. She knows i know who she is and what she is and what fraud she has committed so this makes her determined to destroy my reputation and my work and she is not giving up.
What i need to know is how to EXPOSE her for what she is – i dont mean a sociopath but a supreme manipulator and liar. It is the only way as she seems to have many many people believing she is sweet and easily hurt by ‘nasty’ people like me. She brings out the ‘white knight’ in people and gets them to go to war for her.
i moved into my first home, a side x side duplex, at age 40. 2 days later, my neighbor came bounding through the moving boxes i had put in place as a temporary fence for my guard dog, who went ballistic from his threatening manner. he yelled at me for what he perceived was my driving through his yard on my motorbike. to which i said, “hi neighbor so nice to meet you”. then he ordered me to get my dog or else he will. i drove my motorcycle through my yard, not his, but over time I have learned he’s a sociopath, and nothing I did would change what was about to happen to me while residing here/there. He began a reign of terror that has included the benign to now the serious danger of harm or violence:
my roommate told me he showed her a letter from an attorney to stop construction on my wooden fence i was constructing to contain the dog. when i went to his home to talk, he shoved the letter in my face. i didn’t take it. he claimed i told them to take down the chain link fence between our properties and i explained i did not but gave him the option as to how the fence builder would remedy it. he now has so much crap ( extra roof shingles, pavers, old carpets, boards, and debris leaning on the fence that it is collapsing.
a Peace Corp Volunteer neighbor had parked his car too close to sociopath driveway, and i saw him at the drivers side door looking in. an hour later, PCV neighbor asks did i see anyone by his car, i said yes, the [sociopath]”. PCV called police who confronted him and he said, “maybe someone didn’t like how close you parked to their property”, in front of the police.
it was not long after i moved in that a cute neighbor, (CN) pulled up to me when i was walking the dog to warn me about him. he told me the neighbors believe the wife is abused. he also shared about a time that CN was driving on our street behind sociopath, who kept staring in the mirrors and banging on his steering wheel like he’s pissed that CN is back there or too close. then he see’s him starts to yell inside his truck. CN said the guy is a powder keg and to watch out. another brand new and cool couple neighbor asked me what does have against me, and a 3rd also cautioned me.
never had nails in kevlar tires until moving here. i had nails in all 4 tires the first months for parking over the property line to his side, on a public street. He had been parking his car an inch from my bumper, as his way to tell me not park there, so then he used nails instead of words, and i still didn’t know what i had done. when he prompted me once by saying – of the construction to the school across the street – “ya it’s no wonder people don’t get nails in their tires” to which i said, “nails, not that i have seen” b/c i was not giving him the satisfaction of my knowing it was him. The very next day, car did not move and a 12 inch nail was in my tire. rear drive side which is less visible to me. sold the tires, got even beefier version, next time i saw him looking at them
another time, he pulled in half way in his driveway and slammed on the brakes to intimidate me for inspecting a newly planted tree in my front yard, and i was so pissed that he somehow thought being in my yard inspecting my own tree was somehow an affront or disrespect to him that i cussed at him into his camera, and the next day, NAIL.
when he used to clean the gutters, I came out back and found him throwing all the debris onto my deck, and was like what are you doing, he said he was returning them. he used turn on an ancient generator that sat inside his screened in porch adjacent to my deck, every day when he came home from work to annoy me. it rattled the windows it was so close and very very loud. he also will chop wood there to manage anger. he often does this if it correlates to something i could have done, like looked at my tree, returned the water meter lid ect. so that i know he;s pissed.
when installing a new bathroom in the basement on the cheap, he called the police for noise (it was July 4). the plumber was jackhammering but finished before police arrived. he called police on my car tags whenever they expired and suddenly i came out to tickets. police do not patrol the area to find such violations. he called police when my sewer line installer dug the trench but exited out on his side of the yards (mine was full of dirt and the company he hired to do it, parked their backhoe in my yard). he called police when i played drums to counter the noise of his damn generator but i had stopped before they arrived. but since he called them on me 4x by then, they stood there and made us talk and mediated. We talked a long time, I learned he had a daughter born on my birthday who died tragically. when i told him i was raised to always show respect, and i’ll never forget what he said “to who perfect strangers?, how can you respect someone you don’t know”, i said, “i respect all living things and like to show it”
I liked talking to THAT guy. that guy is the one who came out and offered me tar remover when my Z had it all over the bumper. i said i could have it. i offered to get him another one and he declined saying he never uses it. i used most if not all. and i liked when he asked me to get his mail while his wife and he were away. he said if i saw it over flowing, but i knew better than to step foot on their property for fear my word against his, and he has me on film taking his mail. i liked the guy who brought over a gift certificate for groceries for living through the replacement of their roof. am certain this was the wifes idea but i accepted it. and the guy who offered condolences when my first dog died. and the guy who asked if i could vouch for his wife who was applying for a higher clearance with the CIA. and the guy who talks about lawns, snow, and the elderly neighbor when she passed. and he said he would have helped me move the motorcycle if i needed help.
he has managed to spray water from his sprinkler on my front windows – causing us to jump with fright -every time he turns on the sprinkler which is squirting over top my almost shrubs and plants and around the corner from his home…an impossible feat unless he aims.
he has put asscrack smells in my car vents and outside my home in back where i sit with the dog.
he throws shards of glass into my yard to cut the dog paws. finding on average 3-5 a week. but if he perceives i have done something to him, more. I find them where the dog likes to dig that he could reach by tossing from his side and they’re never on the other side.
The dog barked at him 4x after he made some noise in his yard. He didn’t know I was sitting out there with her and he yelled at her to SHUT UP, which he only did when his wife was not home. he said, “put you on the other end of this and that will shut you up”. I didn’t look but imagined it was something sharp.
after I installed motion detecting lights on my gate (50 feet from front sidewalk), at 11pm, wearing just his underwear and tshirt, caught him walking on the front sidewalk, then peering into my car windows, then he turned to walk up my sidewalk, when i looked up from what i was doing wearing a headlamp, so he just turned back. after that, i was finding 5-7 glass shards for months.
When I purchased cameras to catch him, he decided to suddenly spend all kind of time in his backyard to learn how they work.
He found a way to hack my internet ( unsecured b/c the cameras, my cell, and my iPad don’t connect with security) and turn them off, or scramble the internet or whatever. he made sure knew he did so too b/c he left his grass grow all summer and then cut just the patch in front of my camera and it was never picked up. The scrambling continued when things would happen and I would check the cameras and there was no video during the times something occurred. When I did add security to my internet, and named it “gotcha” he found a way to disable it and now it’s not connecting (and he’s making a crap load of noise over there).
called police to report all this and they said unless there are damages, or unless you can prove it’s him it’s a civil matter. 2 dog bones were thrown into my yard the days after the police came (likely poisoned).
i used to feed feral kitties, foxes, opossum and something my friend neighbor thought was a bagder. when an elderly blind opossum wandered to dinner a few nights i made the mistake of filming him and must have gotten picked up on the neighbors camera. didn’t see it for long after that and a few months later, the dog goes insane at night from Tues – Thrs, sniffing like a crazy dog and barking at the fence between our properties. i finally crawl up and look and see he has trapped an opossum. the thing is likely dead after 3 days nights with no food or water.
call police, they don’t want to see it b/c they would have to arrest him *trapping is unlawful unless animals are released back to same property unharmed. animal control comes the next day and saw the trap door was propped up with a brick so she says the possum could have left at any time, and no charges are filed for animal cruelty. a few weeks after that, i found animal entrails in the yard without blood, ergo, not killed in the yard but elsewhere and put there.
the dog started to go kind of bezerk looking and barking out the window with a pattern of monday nights after 6pm, when i’m cleaning up for dinner. but b/c it was happening so often, i looked out and catch sociopath provoking her by not only being in our yard but by swinging his arms like an ape. when he saw me he stopped and scurried to his side of the yard. tuesday is garbage day and he had just put out his trash.
he has tampered with my water meter by turning on the release valve on the meter and at the street where our meters share the same space just 6 inches apart. It trickles undetected yet my bills on those occasions have gone from 2000 gallons of water to 7000 in a quarter. First time I had the water company come out and secure the lid, he got pissed and threw a fit and ranted on his way into the house. but my water bill went back down to 2000 gallons for 3 straight quarters.
This last time i had them out was Aug. 3, yesterday. he;s probably pissed I had my release valve tightened by Popeye from the water company, b/c before that, it was spigot loose and should not have been. i just noticed that the cover was again loose and went into to check my bill online, since the paper copy was not due for a few days. sure enough, the meter this quarter showed used of 5000 more gallons. Popeye told me it’s unlawful to tamper with anyones meter, but laws don’t apply to sociopaths b/c they justify their actions as revenge for being wronged.
here recently he began to yell and shout and stomp any time i pound nails in the wall. but only when the wife is not home.
sociopath banged some sheet metal the afternoon of Aug. 3 (on the side of his house out of view of my cams). that night I smelled their dinner cooking on my 2nd floor coming from the attic and quickly filling all the upstairs and living room. in 15 years, I never smelled them cooking. called other duplex neighbors, they say the same, never have smelled neighbors food cooking. So if I can smell odors that strongly from their home while cooking, what has he done to the venting to allow this sudden onset of odors onto my premises and what is he planning to put into my environment next?
Lastly but most importantly, after we arrived home from a week long trip, my dog suddenly began to display symptoms that $1k in diagnostics have yet to identify. And testing for what her symptoms are most consistent with is all negative. It is now my belief that he has quite possibly for years been venting something dangerous into this setting undetected by me and most recently implemented something much more hard core or larger to account for the intense food odors that arrived. I also have been suffering from depression, malaise, new onset fatigue, and other strange symptoms which are consistent with chronic carbon dioxide or other gaseous poisoning.
I write this so that perhaps someone can find this before he murders me. if he doesn’t, the above is my book so no copying.
Your blog confirmed my intuition, my fears, my reality. Sociopath/killer. He is aware, that I am aware. That I suspect him, of unfathomable things. I am no longer directly available to him, as I was. Even so, I worry. Will I always be something on his ” TO DO LIST”. I did not go quietly. He already has the hours of darkness, as camouflage. He is not alone. They/ He found their shared desire for deceit, torture and transparency. Like they were watching a football game, rooting for each other, excited for half time, but you don’t want to be invited or at this party. RUN!!!!! They pre- pick their players. They, he will try to draft you. Giving, helpful, subtle, repetitious, cunning, dangerous and evil. Absolutely no REMORSE. Looked into his eyes, as deep as I could, he knew what I was thinking. What color did I know before, I thought I knew. What color are they really? Killer color. He expresses his love for me, he won’t let them hurt me, he would never hurt me, asks to kiss me. I vomit, he remarks,”This is the last time I’ll be near you,isn’t it? I’m never going to see you again, am I?” He begins to say something is wrong with him, he needs help, he wants to talk to a Priest. Will I give him a ride to the Church ? I tell him, you better be sure, confident you’re stronger than me. I’m not going down without a fight. Fair fight,you have your weapon, (I had scanned area for nearest object as weapon, while I made way towards it steadily) this is my weapon. I grabbed it. I said,” Is today the day?” He put his hands in his pockets and headed towards the door. Opened it and walked out, like he just finished a cup of tea,with an old friend. I locked it immediately. He asked for a kiss again outside the door. I replied,” You’re a Weirdo, a wolf in sheeps’ clothing and you like it.” You need to be behind bars forever.” “I will let everyone know,who you are.” Then he just casually started walking away, crossed to other side of street, from house. Looked back a few times, and then disappeared around the corner. It’s been 3 years since. Night time is his best friend. I’ve seen him in passing,he knows my vehicles. He has a routine, where he keeps his focus. Disgusting. I can’t believe he hasn’t been caught, yet. He doesn’t deserve to breathe fresh air, or feel the sun on his face. I know of a sociopath, in the worst way he covets. I was his normal, until I would not have been. I was chosen. He waited patiently. Very patiently. 25 years patiently. 2 husbands, family barbecues,children,hang outs,get togethers,handyman,mechanic,listener,advisor,confidence promoter,financial lender,gifter,praiser,fiance/husband,home improved,joker,handsome,calm and flattering,available.
Knives, all kinds of knives,taped wrapped handles for hammers,metal posts,braided leather boot strings-always new pair to braid, taser,night vision binocolurs,lostening cone device,cb radios,hand cuffs,silver packing tape,zip ties,flash lights,head lamp light,screw drivers,extra shoe strings,utility knife set,torches,digital voice recorder,blank car and house keys,note book,other peoples cell phones,altered lighters that could shock,pliers,rubbing alcohol,peroxide,laser. Favorite back pack items,constantly hidden in backyard,always had another one. Crowbar,bolt cutters. Buck knife. Steak knife,butcher knife,any knife. Always burnt off shoe soles,said to keep clean. Always removed inner shoe soles,washed or burned. Burnt everything, all the time. Liked to start a fire in his outdoor fire pit container regularly. Once I stopped questioning my intuition and denied him entry/left him. Appr 9 backpacks hidden in backyard over span of time. But when i look back years, he always had a pair of the long, brown leather boots laces and he would braid them together. He would make a point to show it to me. I remember one hanging from his rear view mirror ,one a loop ways in his room, later our room. One long enough,he would use as a belt for his pants. How all his handles on his tools had black electric tape wrapped on them completely. Job weld glue in creases,where blade cane out of wooden handles. How he knew my conversations and he wasn’t present. How I started catching him in lies. How he shifted, wanting to help couple out. Dedicated all his time to them,because they needed his help. How he progressed, very cold,mean comments. And then, his error,thinking he had hung up phone when at a house one evening. He called to say he wanted help,needed my help,wants to see a counselor,willing to do what ever I want to make me happy. Mad,I dont trust him anymore. He has given me everything. I hadn’t hung up, I heard his voice thru phone. So I picked it up quietly and listened. “It’s time, time to terminate her,” he told to others present with him. They didn’t disagree or answer back. Like, it had already been discussed and it was that time. TIME TO TERMINATE ME. My Normal clock expired,my termination clock ticking. Patience had run out.
No one is paying attention. No body in plain sight or found, Police don’t question him. My ex’s response, my goal was to steal his inheritance and put him in prison. He was sentenced with 3 year felony suspended sentence and given 3 yrs formal probation. For his crap he did to me and my property. I only testified once. After that, is when I found recorder. I never answered my phone again or door for anyone 2 years solid. When you hear someone pleading,trying everything possible to be let go and then accept their fate,accept death and you recognize one of the voices tormenting is your spouse. I cant describe it with words. My soul squeezing me paralyzed with immediate nausea and vomiting. Pure evil recorded. I turned on every light in the house,covered my windows back of house with plywood. Screwed them right into the wall any way I could and fast. I cried hysterically for female. Screaming why ,why , why? I knew him 32 years. He is the devil and he welcomes it. He was like BTK. Normal front, secrets, secrets, secrets beyond anything normal brains think about it. He was the booty man, the person you kept away, by never leaving your drink at the bar unattended. Never walking to your car late at night by yourself they parking garage. Don’t get out of your car at night breaks down desolate area. Dont get in his car,if he offers you a ride somewhere. He’s the unknown Salesman at your door offering you free gift, after you let him demonstrate shampooing your carpet for free too. He’s the one, your Parents warned you about over and over, to never get close to a strange car,don’t help him find puppies house. He is the guy you never answered door when your parents gone or Mom was in the shower and he would say,I your mom home,yeah,but she’s in the shower right now. He was that rotten sicko. And I was married to him. Slept with him. Laughed with him. Wanted to be friends like we were before I noticed things that felt off. Even if we were to get divorced. I had 32 years off and on consistently of logged hours spent in my lifetime. He was important to me. This was before I started finding things, but there was no wiggle room for him wiggle. It was defined and permanent. Everything made sense. I understood all the gaps of his absence,understood his change of mood towards me. Because I couldnt figure out why he was talking to me the way he was all the sudden,why he wasn’t affectionate all the sudden, why he was hanging out with that group of people over me,instead
Why he was disrespecting me and my daughter. When not once in 28 years prior, did he ever raise his voice. Did he ever not be polite,availabke,eager,friendly,funny,helpful,reliable,my shoulder to cry on,lean on,laugh on. Never once a hiccup or cause me pause,EVER. So,when he twisted on me completely, I was thrown back completely. Very hurt,very upset. I didn’t understand why he was throwing away great years if memories,when we never fought or had an argument. He would blame me, say because he doesn’t like how I started questioning him about things that are false and I know he loves me. Yuck! I know now. He was prepping himself to hurt me. To be ok hurting me. To distance any feelings of happy history he liked with me. To make himself believe I had no value. I wasn’t special to him in his way he made ok for himself all those years. He waited patiently for me. He got me, time up. He has to prove to his cult,he does what he promises to do. He will make stealing my daughter happen, he will get rid of me. I can honestly say. Definitely a higher power was watching over my child and I. There were so many times,when I look back now. That he just missed me by minutes. That something would present itself and change my path,just in time. Avoiding his planned attack. Many times. I either got off hour early. Low patient census or a code blue 3 minutes before shift report. Staying over. My daughter stayed with my parents ,when I worked. Something my Grandma always told me. Never leave your child with a man who is not their Father alone at night, or not at all. Take your child with you. So I did. He would ask me often or offer to pick her up from school for me because I worked nights. He would say,get your rest. Everything is fine. I’d never hurt your golden nugget. That’s what he called her. I would say,yep you know how my mom is. Shes crazy. Hurt her any if her kids,she will find you,tie you up back up car and drag you to Mexico. Whatever left, put in a barrel of acid. He was a little intimidated by my Mom. He knew she could go psycho if pushed . That shes not afraid to fight dirty. I’m the nice one. The one you mention in the beginning. The nicest,most caring,does the right thing person. Is not ok with people getting over and abusing system. Doesn’t like conflict. Had been in very violent domestic abuse relationship for 7 years before. Has been hit alot,stitches,verbal,emotional,still worked,wen to college, raised my son. He would beg me to leave him. Tell me how much I deserved better. How beautiful I was,stop letting him run me. Leave him. He would hurt him for me, just ask. I’m super smart, goal oriented. I complete my goals. I have excellent income. Why am I letting him disrespect me. He would talk at night on the phone with me for hours. Come get me,take me out to eat. Tune up my car,put $100 in my purse,even though I didn’t need it. Say spend it on something fun. When you come back home,let’s go to casino like old times. Blast Dream Weaver by Gary Wright,all windows down. But please don’t Drive me crazy and smoke a million cigarettes. Because I was so regulated,I was not aloud to smoke. I finally left the jerk. I dated for a while. Back in another 5 year relationship. Better,than before,but not ideal for me. I wasnt going to grow from him or with him. He was just fun. No hang ups, no abuse, no responsibility. I was 29. That got old. Then I met my daughters father. Fell in love,married had another baby,15 years later. I was happy. He dies. Weirdo sicko, was present in my life thru its entirety. He was a constant figure. A welcomed one. Now he preys on homeless. Wears his weapon around his neck. Right in front of your face. A long leather boot lace with a compass hanging from it. Need somewhere to sleep tonight. Come on,Come on come with me. I’ll show you. Its not lit up or marked. It’s in the field by the creek. My compass takes me there. I dont need to use a flashlight, so the police or Sheriff wont spot us trespassing on farmers field, orchard. He sits their all day, waiting for perfect opportunity to come his way. He plays the victim role. I’ve been assaulted and robbed 3 times. I’m homeless,my ex wife stole everything from me,she even killed my mother with morphine. She stole it from her hospital. That’s what he tells homeless people he meets,some are not all together mentally. Tells them I should watch myself. Gets them angry towards me. Acts like he has difficulty walking,acts like he is slow verbally from his assaults. 3 times he was beaten and landed in ICU critical condition. No worries. I was out of town at a wedding both times and other I was at work. He was on my insurance still back then. He can ride a bicycle 40 miles per hour. He cries help me I’m disabled now. I have nothing. No home,no money no dishes,nothing. No one cares for me. Oh he has money,your money,your credit cards,your keys,your cell phone, your life. Every day that goes by and he is free. I check all around my car,my tires. My yard,my closets,my garage. My backyard. I have security system around entire property. I survey everything. I don’t want to let my daughter out of my site or sleep in her own bed. Shes a teen now. I won’t let her walk anywhere. We need to live,be happy again. Be ourselves again. I dont think I will ever be the same. I cant watch scary movies. Cant handle hearing a scream that sounds real cry for help. Cant handle script. Let me go,let me go,let me go. If I think about it,when I think about it. I cry. I remember her despair. You could hear her accept being their prisoner in her voice. You could hear a human being accepting their death and whimpering. Giving up hope,they will let her go. It was not a movie,not a script. It was real. I hate him beyond hell. I hate him hate him hate him. He was the one recording their rottenness. Why is he free and still breathing our air? Please come get him karma. Please give him to hell. Please
I feel like my ex *could* be a sociopath…
He seems charismatic and funny, although he’s not the most popular since people think that he’s an asshole. When we were dating, he kept asking about sex and I said that I wasn’t ready. He was like “well soon you’ll be old enough and i’m a couple months younger than you so you need to hurry up.” and “Oh it’s okay, I will go slow. I won’t rape you.” He told my friend who told me, that he wanted to break up with me because I didn’t want to have sex with him. I was furious and broke up with him, (i lied about the reason bc i didn’t want him to know that she told me) This went down in may/june of 2019.
Two weeks ago, he said he liked me. He said that he treated me right. What I forgot to add to that timeline is the fact that he sexually harassed me during our science class. (we were in crowded desk rows and i was taking too long grabbing my things so he grabbed my ass as a way to get me to move.) (I guess that was the reason) The day after,. he said that he didn’t like me anymore. I assume that he said that just in case I was “easy enough to date him again” I have moved on and I know that I am worth more than him and that I need standards.
If ya’ll know what to do or have advice on dealing with… him, please let me know.
(like in this context means having a crush)
I’ve found the bulk of sociopaths to be religious. I’ve made a decision in my life to avoid those who force nuclear life, deprive women of autonomy, offer the bible and control of women as a solution to “poverty” and have deemed all of these SOCIOPATHS. While I am a person who is not incapable of experiencing loving emotion, I can in no way shape or form relate with one, identify with one about anything and have decided to avoid offices, churches, gyms filled with them, bought myself an upside down cross trinket to drive them as far from me as possible and will not associate anymore,. People tried to force me repeatedly, locked me into boarding schools where I was silenced and had to listen to the voices of insane religious freaks, fed me meds I didn’t need when I accused them assault and battery and the sociopath is always there to once again present me with Jisis.
I’m done.
I will not allow them into my personal space, privacy or life EVER AGAIN.
sociopaths fake being religious because it gives them an advantage against their marks.
I think most people think of sociopaths in the way hollywood portrays them. The thing about them is they are incredibly hard to detect. I think most people have a feeling something is off with this person but can’t exactly explain why but they know something isn’t right. No one thinks the word “sociopath” headzeroh zerohourowl because who thinks that word?
I read your article with interest. There is not enough about this on the internet. Titled, “how to spot and handle ..” I was looking more for the how to handle part. It seems most is projected toward walking away, but what if you can’t? Our situation is we are grandparents who are isolated from our son and our grandchildren by his wife, our daughter-in-law.
We could already recognize her obsessive control, fake fronts and niceness, and displeasure of anything or anyone who doesn’t agree with her on every issue no matter how mild. No one around her is allowed to have any feelings about anything that does’t jive with hers. She seems to target me more probably because I have the stronger bond with my son. She of course can disagree with me and makes it her project to. For instance, I love to cook. I have mentioned the medicinal use of onions and garlic as well as how often they are used in cooking. She has decided onions and garlic are bad for humans and will not be used by them. It is my son that does all the cooking. Frankly I don’t care if they decide that; but it is just one example of the complete 100% turn around she’s made him do on anything that relates to pre-her time with him. I did not say anything against their decision because I have come to realize how she likes to bait me, then claim it is me that is so controlling. Her mom of course can say anything, but if I am not agreeing with her than I am being a trouble maker. This has never been a problem with any of his previous relationships, in fact I remained friends with them afterward. His wife has managed to isolate him from all his previous friendships, his foster sisters ( I foster adolescents) and now me, and now he rarely sees his brother who is not even invited for holiday dinners or their children’s birthdays although he lives in the same city as they do and has no where else to go for holidays. We live in a different city. I cannot see my son nor grandchildren any more and my son is avoiding any contact. When my other son tried to talk to him about it he is told that he can’t talk about it. Every family has their differences and no one gets to be perfect. If problems arise they get worked out; but we have not even been told what the problem is? The only tiny shred of positive here is that it is a relief not to have to walk around her on eggshells waiting for the inevitable mistake we’ll make. She especially hates if we stay up after she goes to bed, having fun and laughing. Did I mention she has a very limited sense of humour? I wish I had made a big mistake; something that could be pointed to, that I could fix. But we all know that is not the problem. And anyway, now there’s no contact. Last summer they decided to take a summer trip all around Manitoba with the exception of visiting us in Winnipeg. It was mean and heartbreaking. Who enjoys being mean? My son has always had a very generous spirit. This is not him. I am actually worried one day he’ll break. What can we do? Please help.
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual lll-R through V uses the term Antisocial Personality Disorder to describe such people. There is no real therapy that would stop their criminal behavior. Most of these scofflaws are found in a correctional facility or in between imprisonments, such as being on probation or parole. Those who haven’t met up with the law will soon be especially in the tougher economic times. They often live in homes that aren’t theirs. Many take advantage of others homes and resources. Some will feign a mental illness with the goal of obtaining disability benefits or a better housing than they currently have..
I don’t know if this site is active and I guess it doesn’t matter, I was married to a seriously ill woman for ten years and was constantly trying to figure out,at first,why she did the things that she did,and then I tried to get out of the relationship.if someone had told me that she would end up putting me in jail 3times, the last time was because I wouldn’t promise her that I would never speak to another woman for the rest of my life, and she attacked my 86year old mom I moved her to her own place and we tried to get help, but she started an affair with another guy and then filled for divorce but also a domestic violence restraining order against me,lied about it but the police believed her and she still tried to call me and see me and I said no, but she said I contacted her and I was arrested for it! Now I am constantly harrassed by the police and her friends!
I would just like to say I wish I’d read this article before falling prey to a sociopathic abusive ex. All of those signs were there and the conversation with a friend when I told them I had a funny feeling about the new boyfriend and couldn’t put my finger on what was wrong has always since haunted me of my biggest mistake – always trust your gut instinct. The three strikes point is something I most certainly will apply and live by. Great article, thank you!
[…] reminds me of the eight warning signs for violence from Lisa Wolcott’s outstanding blog article, “How to Spot—and Handle—a Sociopath.” I call these warning signs Red Flags for Sociopaths—Forced Teaming (i.e., Crashing a Problem), […]